I had lunch with an old youth leader of mine a few days ago. It’s been a good 8-10 years since I’ve last seen her and it was so wonderful to catch up and be inspired by her.
We got to talking about guys and relationships and I made a statement that, frankly, I was surprised to hear come out of my mouth.
“I’m not in the right place for a relationship.”
And it’s true. I don’t think I’m in the right frame of mind to have a relationship. I’m trying to focus on myself right now, graduating from college and seeing where life takes me afterwards. I don’t know if I’m going to stay in my town, move to Orlando, move to New York, or maybe even pursue missionary work. (Hey, stranger things have happened!)
And I’m not in the right place because my relationship with God isn’t in the right place. I’m still on a searching path, trying to figure out who God really is and how everything fits. Just because you’ve grown up in church doesn’t mean you’re any more sure of God than if you just discovered Him yesterday. I’m quickly realizing that.
I have friend after friend meeting potential boyfriends, dating, getting engaged, and getting married. And sometimes, I wonder if we’ll ever meet. I wonder if I’ll throw opportunities to meet you away because I’m so shy and so scared of where a relationship could lead. But I have to trust that it will all work out and I have to trust that God has a plan for us.
I’m happy with my life right now. I’m happy that I’m single and waiting for you. I’m happy that I’ve never compromised my values for a random guy I meet at a random place. I’m happy that I’m a girl who loves her family and is a major homebody. I’m happy that I’m not like every 22-year-old and I’m different. I’m happy that I’m so close to graduating and have found the right path to be on. I’m happy that my future is in God’s hands and that it feels so open and bright. I’m happy that my mom is my best girl friend and my brother is my best guy friend. I’m happy that I have the ability to laugh at life’s little moments and cry when stress overtakes me. I’m happy that I’m working on getting healthier. I’m happy at where I am.
And one day, I’m going to be happy because you are in my life. I’m happy about the promise of our love story and that one day, you will be my best friend that I want to share every moment of my life with.
I love you.
Stephany
It's so important to know where you are emotionally and spiritually--and to know yourself. This will help you be the kind of partner you will want to be in the future when you're ready.
ReplyDeleteI've found that when I'm finally in a place of "I'm ok with being single," that's when the next great relationship comes along.
As far as knowing God, that is a lifelong process! But I think as you learn to know yourself, you're learn about God, too. I think the processes and growth are inextricably linked.
Agreed with the person who commented before me. Whenever I've found that I'm truly okay being single, it seems to be when love finds me.
ReplyDeleteBravo to you though. Not many can easily admit this. Waiting for the one to come along is not an easy task so it truly speaks volumes for you.
Awwwwwwww. I love these letters that you write. I'm 100% with you on waiting for the right person. I'll never compromise who I am to be with someone just because that's what everyone is doing. Sometimes it's really hard because everyone around me is so happy and meeting guys... but I'm happier knowing that I'm not missing the opportunity to be with the RIGHT guy.
ReplyDeleteSo congrats to you for figuring out exactly who you want to be before letting someone else into your life. :)
Such a romantic...good for you being okay with it. He's out there and it will all fall into place one day.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could have that same perspective. I've had this problem of wanting things to happen a certain way and getting anxious when God tells me know. I'd like to find peace and acceptance in His timing, because anxiety bites.
ReplyDeleteThis post just spoke to my heart.. Got me thinking about my very own letter and how, if I sat down to write it, it would probably look very much like this one.
ReplyDeleteI love that you are so honest in saying that you are not in the right place for a relationship right now. It takes courage to admit something like that... You have so much going for you, I can tell already and he will fall into your story someway somehow, either way I trust that you will know when it is right. You have a very good head on your shoulders and it resonates with each and every one of your posts.
Thanks for sharing such an honest and sweet letter.
Best,
Hannah Katy
I loved reading this and it makes me so very proud of you! It takes a great deal of strength and courage to be okay with not being ready for a relationship, and to put your hopes and dreams and personal growth first for now. I wish I'd had this wisdom when I was in my early 20s! Hannah's right - you do have a very good head on your shoulders. And it makes me wish more and more we lived in the same city :)
ReplyDeleteLove comes when you least expect it. I was in the exact same frame of mind right before I graduated college when an old friend from high school waltzed into a bar and turned that all around. I had come off of a really messy break up a few months before and really just wanted to focus on graduating and enjoying my last few months of college, but God had other plans for me (and him!)
ReplyDeleteI can't exactly speak from experience and give advice on waiting for The Right Guy to come along... tell you he'll only come when you're right with God, etc....
ReplyDeleteBut I'm right there with ya, waiting, wondering...but knowing that it's not going to be in the near future. I've got some journey's I need to take on my own first.
And I think that's pretty exciting, don't you!?
- Abbie :)
I agree! I posted the lyrics to "Single" by Natasha Bedingfield on my FB status one day, and I was surprised how many people were, were wondering why I posted that.I guess its not ok to be happy about being single!
ReplyDeleteI don't know, but for goodness sake I'm only 20 once! I'm about to enjoy it thank you very much. haha
Girl, you have your head on straight. That's all I have to say.
ReplyDeleteGreat outlook!!! We are young, we have our whole lives ahead of us. I'm in a loving, committed relationship but the fact that I'm young and want to EXPERIENCE life is why I'm not willing to give up my career or MY life to move where Eric is! And if we couldn't make it work, that would be OK too! :-)
ReplyDeleteIt's when you're not looking, when you least expect it, that you'll find it.
ReplyDeleteAgree with all the comments before me.
ReplyDeleteI was in a three and a half year relationship with someone before I was abruptly dumped. A month later, I blogged about how I felt okay being single. That I was perfectly fine.
The next day (NOT KISSING), I met Stephen. Things work out in the way you least expect, which is the best thing ever.
I'm kind of in the same boat, but I think when you're ready to meet him, you will!
ReplyDeleteSo cute! And very mature. It's good to be patient, and accept God's timing instead of your own. It's hard to date in college, it takes up a lot of time, and effort that really should be spent getting your career together and growing up into who you need to be in life.
ReplyDeleteI met my boyfriend after my freshman year, and sometimes I feel bad about giving up a lot of my time that I should be doing Me stuff, and school stuff.. it was for the better.. he really helped me out of a bad place and helped me get back on track. Everybody's relationship timings are so different, and it's good to be in tune with what's really best :)
I'm just going to echo everyone else and say that I'm pretty proud of your healthy and mature outlook: we'll never be ready for the relationship that will colour our lives for the better until we're settled and comfortable in ourselves, personally and spiritually. Otherwise the way we approach it will be all wrong, and we'd be ill-equipped to handle the ones that don't work! High five to you, Steph!
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful. Have you ever read "When God Writes Your Love Story"? It's a really great book written by a couple named Eric and Leslie Ludy. (http://www.amazon.com/dp/1929125003) I think you'd like it!
ReplyDeleteLike your blog. I'm on the same boat with you, but 10 years older than you :-)
ReplyDeleteLike your blog. I'm on the same boat with you, but 10 years older than you :-)
ReplyDeleteGirl, you have your head on straight. That's all I have to say.
ReplyDeleteThis post just spoke to my heart.. Got me thinking about my very own letter and how, if I sat down to write it, it would probably look very much like this one.
ReplyDeleteI love that you are so honest in saying that you are not in the right place for a relationship right now. It takes courage to admit something like that... You have so much going for you, I can tell already and he will fall into your story someway somehow, either way I trust that you will know when it is right. You have a very good head on your shoulders and it resonates with each and every one of your posts.
Thanks for sharing such an honest and sweet letter.
Best,
Hannah Katy