My nose is too big. My teeth are too small. My smile is too narrow. My belly curves too much. My collarbones don’t stick out. My legs are too short. My eyes are too small. My arms are too large. I slump when I sit. My eyesight is horrible. My hair is never smooth and straight for very long. My face resembles that of a fifteen-year-old.
I’m constantly worrying about getting the pregnancy question when people look at my belly. I’m horrible at small talk. I don’t fit in with any specific group. I feel uncomfortable in bars and clubs. I hold myself back. I fear change. I don’t believe in myself. I can’t take a compliment.
Bottom line: I don’t love myself.
When I look in the mirror, 9 times out of 10, I’m cringing at the way my hair has curled or the way my make-up has made my face look greasy or the way my body looks in that specific outfit.
Last week, Kerri wrote this amazing post on self-acceptance. Self-acceptance has never been something that has come easily for me. I was never the popular girl in school. I’m not the type of girl that gets a second glance by a guy. I’m not the one who can shine by herself.
I just feel so ordinary. So frumpy. So lost in a sea of beautiful people.
But I want to stop the negative self-talk. I want to stop dwelling on what I hate about my body and begin embracing it for what it can do for me. I want to look in the mirror and smile at myself, because I am me and nobody else in the world will ever have the same thoughts, feelings, personalities, and quirks like I do. There may be some things I can’t change about myself, since I would never undergo plastic surgery unless it was a necessity. There may be some things I can, by taking better care of myself. I was given this body by God. The man who created the mountains and the stars and the planets also formed me. He created me to be just the way I am, foibles and all. He didn’t want me to compare myself to other people, to wonder why I wasn’t good enough. He wants me to be confident in myself, sure of who I am in Him, and to shower love on other people.
I can’t shower love on other people, if I’m not even sprinkling any on myself.
I want to embrace my large nose, because I inherited from my dad’s side of the family. It’s German and it’s part of me. I want to stop worrying about my smile and just let a goofy grin slip onto my face, because I know it makes others feel good. I want to treat my body better so that belly curve doesn’t make me feel so self-conscious any more, but know that it’s what is inside me making me beautiful, not a flat tummy. I want to embrace my short legs because they are powerful and can do amazing things, like run a mile and endure a 30-minute Jillian Michaels workout. I want to embrace these arms, though they may be large, because they have the power to calm a child down, sooth a baby, and lift heavy weights. I want to stop dwelling on my terrible eyesight which requires me to wear glasses or contacts, because it’s just another thing linking me to the women in my family. I want to love my hair that will never be as silky smooth as a movie star’s, because it’s still beautiful and it’s still part of me. I want to take better care of my body to clear up my face, but not worry that a pimple here and there has any effect on my outward attitude.
I want to love myself. I want to love every aspect of me. I want to love the good and the bad.
So here goes. Operation: Love Myself. I’m going to stop with the negative talk. I hate when other people talk badly about themselves, so why should it be any different for me? I need to learn how to become my own best friend. I need to love me.
Your off to the right start... You must love yourself!
ReplyDeleteAh, girl you're not alone but I love this post! I could definitely take some advice from it. Be sure to check out my blog tomorrow...might be something there for you ;)
ReplyDeleteI ADORE this post and it resonates so much with me. I often think so many of the same things, my nose is too big, my chin is too big, my undereyes are too baggy, I have too much cellulite on my thighs, etc. etc. The list goes on and on and on. And we need to stop doing this to ourselves! D told me the same thing that you mentioned - that God made us this way to be just the way we are, not to compare ourselves to others or beat ourselves up. It's difficult, but you're right, the first step in being able to fully shower others with love is to be able to do it for ourselves. This was inspiring! :)
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful just the way you are and I'm glad that you're going to embrace that. I'm a very plus size woman, but I know I'm beautiful. I have curves (and curves) and breasts and gorgeous hair and a pretty face. A lot of people will read that and think I'm entirely narcissitic but I'm really not. I've just chosen to love myself as I am. Once you make that decision to love yourself, you'll notice changes in others attitudes toward you as well.
ReplyDeletethis was the perfect post. very relatable. as you were rattling off what you don't like about yourself, I was rattling my own list (yucky back scar, twisted spine that makes my rib cage uneven/assymetrical, small mosquito bites for breasts, gapped front teeth....
ReplyDeleteand then! you turn it around and i guess.. i suppose that scar on my back means something. means my parents loved me enough to get it surgerically corrected as much as possible, nevermind that debt they acrued.
thanks, stephany. i've always thought you were beautiful.
p.s. your boobs are phenomenal and nice calf definition ;)
I think this goes hand-in-hand with the weight loss journey you're taking. You can't just change physically; it has to be an emotional and mental change as well. I'm so proud of you that you have the drive to change the things that are able to be changed and to embrace the things that can't. I'm even more proud that you truly want to reach that place where you can say that you love yourself exactly how you are. :) Taking better care of myself is something I'm currently working on, and although it's challenging at times, I know it'll be worth it. I wish you the best!
ReplyDeleteGood for you! And if you are negative on this blog, I will yell at you =)
ReplyDeleteI love your enthusiasm! Seriously, I think you're incredible. Your daily e-mails make my day =) And honestly, I was going through a really negative spell for awhile, and that's why I started my blog of 25 things. And none of them have anything to do with the things that were getting me down, and you know what? Focusing on those 25 have gotten me to a much happier place in my life! I'm in the best shape of my life: mentally, physically, etc and it's ALL because of that list!
Loving yourself, like so many other things, doesn't happy overnight! Keep working on this, you'll get there.
ReplyDeleteAnd I, for one, think you're gorgeous!! XO
For me, it's never really been about body image (apart from the flat chest which I've stopped caring about). I obsess about my face, a lot of which stems from when I had bad acne, as well as wearing glasses, and my not-quite straight teeth.
ReplyDeleteWhat helped was realising that other people don't see what we see. They don't look at you the way you do - which is scrutinising every inch. They don't even see you straight on most of the time - usually they're seeing you from some kind of angle.
This is such a wonderful post. I think it's so easy to get caught up in physical attributes (or lack of them) that we forget that we're here for something way bigger than that. That's more beautiful than anything else I can think of!
ReplyDeleteLove yourself!! It's important :) There is so much pressure in society to look a certain way, and sometime I let it bother me, we all do, and it sucks. I love myself and I'm happy with how I look, I take care of my body, but some things we just don't have control over, and we're not supposed to. Either way, I end up feeling really judged by the male population because they have this unrealistic idea of what women are supposed to look like thanks to our sexed up culture.. that's what bothers me, they just don't understand what we go through. I decided to do my video blog sans make up because I wanted to stick it to society's standards for women (take that!) Really though, it's hard to love yourself.. but it's possible, and it feels SOOO good. Great post, hun :)
ReplyDeleteHey there Stephany! Not sure how I found your blog but this post caught my eye. I sometimes struggle with liking myself the way I am as far as outward appearance, also. Ya know what helps me, though? Reading God's Word and realizing and remembering that I (and you too) am a daughter of the King! That is SO special and He loves me no matter what and he made me just the way I am! So who are we to criticize his beautiful handiwork? He has a purpose for you Stephany. A purpose that only YOU can do. So good job with loving and accepting yourself the way you are.
ReplyDelete"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30
Thanks for this post and keep up the good work! -Maddie
You should love yourself, no matter what, but take pride in the fact that we love you, too. And I hate everyone, so you are WAY ahead of the curve there.
ReplyDeletePeople as me if I'm pregnant constantly, or better yet, they ask me when I'm due. Then I feel like a lardo, and they feel like an asshat when I tell them I'm not only not pregnant, I haven't had sex recently enough to be pregnant.
I digress, whether you believe me or not, I think you are a beautiful, talented person, and if you let go of your fears, you will go far in life.
True story.
This was really well-written. It made me feel all emotional!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, that's an awesome boob pic. Lol. You're gonna get the boys all riled up.
ReplyDeleteSecond... This post was amazing. Emotionally beautiful and true, real. I can't even think of enough words to say how much I loved this. More people need to read it. None of us are perfect, without a doubt, but more of us need to accept that and find that happiness with ourselves as is.
Beautiful post. We ALL do this. You could be the most "perfect" girl imaginable, and you could always still find something wrong. TODAY I even was frowning a bit that I'm getting pudgy in my mid-section. I forgot about that worry after one of my after-school students gave me a big hug, when I only asked for a high-five. It's the important things in life that we need to let resonate with us. The rest is only skin deep, and can never make us happy, even if we had all our superficial desires. So AMEN!
ReplyDeleteI love this post. Especially the line: "The man who created the mountains and the stars and the planets also formed me." It made me think of Psalm 139: "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Sometimes it's hard to remember that we - including our bodies - are also God's workmanship. Thanks for the beautifully-written reminder today.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Stephany! I think it's important to be honest with ourselves that there's some things we can't change but give us character (so for me, chicken pox scar on my forehead and height), some things we can change and can feel great doing (losing weight, working out more, eating healthier, and drinking more water), and some things we shouldn't HAVE to change (ANYTHING! Unless we want to for ourselves and not anyone else/society.)
ReplyDeleteAlso, for your lunch questions, throw some veggies and chicken in a pan and drizzle some soy sauce and make a quick stir-fry! Or make some chili one night, refrigerate it, and heat it up a couple times through the week. Or make an omelette! So healthy and easy!
Love, this takes major courage and I am so proud of you. Good for you, I commend you 100 percent. And I cannot wait to see the growth in this process.. I will be with you every step of the way.
ReplyDeleteBest,
Hannah Katy
Beautiful post and beautiful words and beautiful YOU! Thanks for being brave and posting this... I needed to read something like this today. And I need to start loving myself -- flaws and all -- more.
ReplyDeleteThanks, girl!
I can't believe I missed this post! It's so good. I think we all have self image issues...and I also don't like my nose either. YOu're so right. We need to love ourselves more. God made us and He knows what he's doing. I have to remind myself of that, too. I'm not really a fan of Sex and the City (just not), but I love this quote: the most important relationship you can have is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone that loves the you that you love, well, that's just fabulous." I might have paraphrased that a bit, because I don't remember it exactly. Great post!
ReplyDeleteGreat post Stephany! I think it's important to be honest with ourselves that there's some things we can't change but give us character (so for me, chicken pox scar on my forehead and height), some things we can change and can feel great doing (losing weight, working out more, eating healthier, and drinking more water), and some things we shouldn't HAVE to change (ANYTHING! Unless we want to for ourselves and not anyone else/society.)
ReplyDeleteAlso, for your lunch questions, throw some veggies and chicken in a pan and drizzle some soy sauce and make a quick stir-fry! Or make some chili one night, refrigerate it, and heat it up a couple times through the week. Or make an omelette! So healthy and easy!