Monday, May 10, 2010

Successes & Failures

This semester was not easy. Many times, it was not fun. I cried over school more now than I ever had before, excluding my awful final internship. I’ve never been so stressed out in my life. I was stretched beyond belief. I had to step outside my comfort zone more times than ever. I dealt with exhaustion. I began this semester with stars in my eyes. And I ended this semester with stars in my eyes.

I succeeded in ways I never imagined. I did things I never thought I could do. I stepped out of my comfort zone and found a new Stephany. One who is confident in her abilities. One who is creative. One who has a critical eye to design and editing. One who can take a blank page and make it into a piece of art. One who is perky and bright. One who takes on unfamiliar projects and succeeds. One who forgets all the limits she has placed on herself. One who is proud of herself and isn’t afraid to say so.

I put more hours this semester into homework and studying for tests than I ever have before. I spent entire weekends, working on assignment after assignment. In past semesters, I could put in a few hours on Saturday and be good for the week. I have never worked so hard in my life.

I had meltdowns over this semester. I wondered how I was going to manage to do it all. I knew I was stretching myself thin, between working 25 hours at my job, 10 hours at my internship, and my 3 classes. These classes involved more work and more dedication than I have ever taken. By the end of January, I began to hate my life and question whether I could do this.

But I did it. I succeeded. I put my heart and soul into my magazine project. I studied my brains out for my law exams. And I learned more about the editing process that just made me love writing all the more.

With those successes, come failures. I found myself confused more often than not. I wrote some very crappy stories that I’m a little embarrassed to tie my name to. I wrote a term report on a subject I knew nothing about, yet did nothing to familiarize myself with the topic. I rushed through some assignments. I didn’t do my best work. I didn’t try hard enough. This will be my worst semester since I started in the journalism program, grades-wise.

Still, I can’t be upset with myself. Even if this won’t be a straight-A semester like I’ve had previously in the journalism program, it will be a semester where I worked my hardest. And if I make a B in a class where I did my very best work? A B in a class I thought I would fail? I’m fine with that. After all, a B is nothing to be ashamed of.

13 comments:

  1. Great job Steph! The best thing is that the semester is over and you feel great about it.

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  2. "I succeeded in ways I never imagined. I did things I never thought I could do. I stepped out of my comfort zone and found a new Stephany. One who is confident in her abilities. One who is creative. One who has a critical eye to design and editing. One who can take a blank page and make it into a piece of art. One who is perky and bright. One who takes on unfamiliar projects and succeeds. One who forgets all the limits she has placed on herself. One who is proud of herself and isn’t afraid to say so."

    AMAZING!! Isn't it the best feeling in the world? I've seen so much growth in you in just the short few months we've been chatting, and it's wonderful :) Great job, and I'm very proud of you :)

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  3. This post is so encouraging to me! Certainly, I haven't been stretched as far as you have, but I have been really struggling in school this year, especially math [*makes a face*]. Your post encouraged me to keep going. *hugs* Thank you so much! And I am so glad that you did well! *throws confetti*

    Blessings,
    ~Laura

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  4. Yay! This post is so awesome - and it makes me want to continue to push in my online classes!

    Oh and I looked at your magazine project on FB - it's really great Steph, you did such an amazing job!

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  5. From what it sounds like, you have the same problem that I do...and it is the perfectionist problem.

    I just found out my grade for my main psychology class, and I got an A-. For moth people, that's nothing to worry about, but it broke my 4.0 gpa in psychology, two semesters before I graduate.

    My friend Chloe told me how great it was that I worked my ass off and was able to get an A- in my class. And I should be proud of that. Just like you should be proud of your B.

    Let's work on a little less perfectionist, mmk?

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  6. B's are good!!! And hey, it's over. Sometimes it's not really about the grade that came out on paper, but what you learned, what you can take away, and what's going to be of value to you when your doing what you want to do in life. It's been a hard semester/year for me too... I can't believe how hard I'm pushing myself. I've never had to do this before. But it's good to know, you can make yourself do whatever you set out to. You should be very proud and happy of your work :) I'll be joining you in this happiness in 2 weeks!!!!

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  7. You've learned so much! There were many semesters I just coasted through college, and while I ended up with the grades I wanted, in retrospect, I wish I had pushed myself with harder classes. You're doing that, and it's an amazing thing.

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  8. You are one busy girl steph! I say you take a week long vacation to some where tropical! You totally deserve it! ps. Love the new lay out!

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  9. It's corny but true: As long as you did your best, you should be nothing but proud. And it sounds like you did that and more :-)

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  10. Knew you could do it! Isn't it amazing what we learn about ourselves when faced with struggles? So proud of you! I hope you get time to relax this summer and enjoy yourself, because once you are done with school, those breaks will seem so precious! (Believe me, I know!). Let me know when you're coming up to Orlando. I'd love to meet up even if it's just to get coffee or something! Glad things are going so well for you :)

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  11. It sounds like we've been living very parallel lives! I'm so glad that you're coming through all of this and are coming into who you are meant to be. It's beautiful to watch =)

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  12. Of course you did it!! You're awesome and very determined with journalism from what I've read on your blog. It's a nice feeling when you know you succeeded!

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  13. This post is so encouraging to me! Certainly, I haven't been stretched as far as you have, but I have been really struggling in school this year, especially math [*makes a face*]. Your post encouraged me to keep going. *hugs* Thank you so much! And I am so glad that you did well! *throws confetti*

    Blessings,
    ~Laura

    ReplyDelete

Comments make me all giddy with excitement.

 
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