Wednesday, July 21, 2010

When God Writes Your Love Story

I was in high school when the book I Kissed Dating Good-Bye by Joshua Harris. I was at a point in my life where I was confused about faith and more interested in worldly ideals than ones centered around God. I was boy crazy and wanted to date boys the way everyone else was! Not dating? How do you even find your life partner that way? What a crazy way to think!

But my dating life never seemed to quite pan out the way it does in books and movies. I had crushes but was too shy to do anything about them. For the most part, even talking to a guy was hard for me, much less someone I found attractive. I remained single for most of high school, save for a short relationship that really wasn't much of a relationship at all.

All along, I think I had a longing in me for a different type of love story. A love story you don't find in modern romance novels or chick flicks. One where the guy is handsome and chivalrous and finds me completely delightful, foibles and all. A story about courtship, not dating. This is when I realized I should've been born in the 1800's because it's nearly impossible to find a love story like that anymore.

Nowadays we're more concerned with someone we're completely compatible with, inside the bed and out. We want sex, excitement, and intrigue. Who cares if he opens the door for you, as long as he's carrying a condom in his wallet? We go to bars and sign up for dating services to find Mr. Right Now. And when we do end up biting the bullet and getting married, we spend more time trashing our husbands and talking down about them than we do actually enjoying the moment. It just sickens me when I hear the way some wives and husbands talk about their mates. Don't they realize what a precious gift they've been given, a gift of love?

I know all relationships have their struggles and I'm not naive to believe that when I do find Mr. Right, he's going to be a perfect specimen of man who can do no wrong, cooks me dinner every night, and we never have a fight. I can be a very confrontational person when I feel like it. I can be moody and restless. I'm not always the easiest person to live with. But I've got to believe there's more to love than what I'm seeing. I have to. Otherwise, I'll be content to stay single forever.

A while ago, I placed my love story in the hands of my Heavenly Father. I let go of the pen, let go of all the things I think I want, and gave it up to the One who is going to carve out a love story unlike any other. It's a relief to think that I don't have to do all the work. I don't have to join a dating site or track down every handsome guy I meet for their number. I'm going to let God have his way with this.

I know it's not the most popular way to think and sometimes, it may seem a little kooky and outdated. But I'm not one for going with the popular vote. (I mean, I like Obama!) I want to eek out everything I can get out of love, not limiting myself to what the world thinks I need. To some, I may look like a train wreck. I'm not dating, have never had an active dating life, and don't see fit to immerse myself in that culture. I may be 35 before I meet him, but when I do, the love story will be so amazing, it's going to bring tears to even the most hard of hearts. I believe that.

I'm currently reading a book by the amazing husband-wife team of Eric and Leslie Ludy. Leslie's book Authentic Beauty changed my life. I read it at the lowest point of my life where I was grasping onto God's hand just to get me through the day. The book is about extreme Christianity and how awesome our love story with God can be, if we just give in to it. I'm not totally sold on everything in this book, mainly because it gets very extreme at times. But still, it's a great book and a completely different perspective on our relationship with God. After reading Authentic Beauty, I read When Dreams Come True: A Love Story Only God Could Write which was my first foray in what a God-written love story looks like. Believe me, their story is amazing and this book completely transformed my thinking in what a relationship has to look like.

Back to the book I'm reading now, which is When God Writes Your Love Story. I'm only a few chapters in but the book has captivated my heart. It is classic Ludy-style, written in a way that grabs your attention quickly and keeps it for the duration. It makes me feel a little less kooky about the way I have chosen to go about finding my future husband. I feel a kindred spirit with them, as if somehow I've already become a part of their family. (In a strictly non-stalker type of way.)

I plan on blogging while I read through this book, something I wish I had done while reading Authentic Beauty. I know it's going to change the way I view God and romance.

I don't know if I can ever fully convey the awesome wonder of what it was like to have a God-written love story. During my entire romance with Eric, I was so aware of the fact that it was God who was leading each step, guiding each conversation, painting each sunset, and standing over us with a smile. The cheap, imitation romance I'd known before simply could not be compared to this new kind of love I had discovered. I was daily amazed that I had come from a place of heartbreak, confusion, and compromise in relationships, to a dream come true. I had discovered a kind of divine love that can't even be found in fairy tales, simply by giving God the pen of my life's story and allowing Him to write each chapter. --Leslie Ludy, When God Writes Your Love Story


  1. I'm younger than you are, but I totally agree with you. It's made me rather 'unpopular' at Youth Group and such because not only am I homeschooled [such a crime.] but I don't date. Yes, I know some boys that I don't mind talking with, but I wouldn't really even call them friends. Just acquaintances. So yes, I congratulate you for standing up against the flow and choosing to be courted. Just hang in there and trust God, He knows when it's the right time.


  2. I never really dated much in high school either. I was always "the good a sister" type-annoying!!! I dated a little bit more in college and off and on post-college. It was definitely worth the wait because I found Mattie and although things are no where near perfect, we're both happy and that's what matters most. It's when you are least expecting it, that he'll fall right into your lap.

  3. This is so fascinating to me- I love reading about your faith, and I think the approach you're taking to this sounds perfect for your heart :)

  4. :) good luck. i'm not worried about you & love.

    here's a quote.

    The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it is not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of the other person - without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not give[n] by the other.

    Then why do they want to be together? It is no longer a need; it is a luxury. Try to understand it. Real persons love each other as a luxury; it is not a need. They enjoy sharing: they have so much joy, they would like to pour it into somebody. And they know how to play their life as a solo instrument.

    The solo flute player knows how to enjoy his flute alone. And if he comes and finds a tabla player, a solo tabla player, they will enjoy being together and creating a harmony between the flute and the tabla. Both will enjoy it: they will both pour their richness into each other.

    Osho, Being in Love

    Have a good day!

  5. Although I was one that once I had my first kiss (not till I was 17) I started dating quite a bit. I loved kissing and it seemed like such a shame to NOT be with someone I could kiss.

    However, when it came to SEX I was a little more held back. It's hard for me to listen to people who start off with, "Yeah, I was SO WASTED and he was sorta cute so we did it." Um... did you catch his last name? Favorite color? If he has siblings? Or whether or not he has any STDs...

    I think your approach is a really, really good one and I think through it you'll end up with the guy that is right for you.

  6. I'm in the middle of reading one of her books...and of course I can't remember the name of it right now...I'm really enjoying it!
    I think its interesting that you refer to her as an extreme Christian...:)) What do you mean by that?

  7. I love the approach you're taking, and I think your love story will be amazing when it happens. I really love the whole story I have with my husband, and I certainly hope to write more about it in the near future. I never dated much throughout high school, either... and my husband was my first EVERYTHING. First real kiss, first serious boyfriend, first person I had sex with... Even that kind of story is rare these days! There certainly were times I wasn't sure that we'd last (long distance for so many years was SO hard), but it happened how it was meant to. :)

  8. I consider myself an Agnostic, but I don't admire your path for finding FH any less. It's very important to make sure the person you give your heart to is going to care for it and treasure it forever. I'm a couple years younger than you and I have never had a boyfriend, but I do believe it will happen when it happens!

  9. I had the same problem in high school. I was too shy for the most part and a lot of the guys just weren't right for me. I'm really glad I waited until college to fall in love even though he wasn't the right one either. I agree with waiting for the one who does open the doors and respects women. I know a lot of girls are out for the "thrill" like you said, but there are a lot of us who are holding on for the right one. We just haven't met him yet. :) When are you coming to Disney? Maybe we can grab Starbucks or ice cream in the park?

  10. Hey! The cookie Monster opens doors! Even the car door. When I'm getting out! and who cares if he has a condom in his wallet when I have one in mine? :-P

    I know that love is not what you see in the movies, it takes hard work, effort, to make relationships work, but a part of me is still hoping that my fairy tale ending is out there somewhere.

    There are a lot of things in my life I regret, and I think the biggest one is having sex with someone who didnt love me. I respect you for being able to wait, and to hold on to your ideas... beliefs. It's a rare and beautiful thing to find someone who is so devote in this day and age. Rock on, sister-friend.

    As for the guy... he's out there somewhere, and when the timing is right, He will send him to find you. :-)

  11. I've read When God Writes Your Love Story - it is so good :) It was a long time ago though - and the couple spoke at our church. I doubt I'll ever forget it!

  12. This blows my mind, and I have so much admiration for you and the way you are approaching this - God definitely has a plan for every one of us, and leaving it in His hands is a wise thing indeed - looking back at my past dating history, I almost wish I had done that, but part of me strongly believes my dating history WAS part of his plan, and though horribly painful, I think if I didn't go through those lessons I would never have been led to where I am now. :) I know God will send the right man for you your way when the timing is right, it's all about having faith and being patient! :)

  13. I, too, yearn for the courtship of the 1800s, not only when men would earn their right to be by your side, but also when they would propose soon after professing their attraction. These days, people can date years before getting married, if they ever do.

    I wrote a similar entry about this actually.

  14. I'll be looking forward to seeing what you think of the book. I could never really get into that whole genre...

  15. I'm likin' that quote a lot, I may have to read that book!

    Those authors remind me of the Captivating authors...have you read that as well?

  16. What a beautiful post! I have struggled with finding my Mr Right. It's been a process of high and extreme lows. I really try to hand it over to God and ask him to bring the right person into my life but that is not something that is easy since I am such a control freak. And i am incredibly impatient. But I know he will be well worth the wait!

  17. Hey. I am a Filipino and a Christian too like you. I really agree with you. Being hurt and disappointed with this area of our lives is very frustrating that sometimes we don't want to like any guy we see as fit. Letting go of our desire to write our story and letting God write it for us is surrendering and giving the choice to God. When we leave the choice to God,He gives us the best. Hooray, girls!!!! We'll find him soon as we live our lives in a fulfilling way. :)


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