My heart,
Today is Christmas Eve. I can’t help but think about you during special days like these and wonder how many more Christmas Eve’s I will spend without you in my life. Will this be the last? Or a continuation of many? Only God knows.
Christmas Eve isn’t a tradition-heavy day in my house. We save it all up for Christmas Day. Christmas Eve is spent in anxious excitement and anticipation, while we await Christmas morning. No Christmas Eve has ever been the same for me. Last year, I had to work and then I remember decorating Christmas cookies and watching a few Christmas movies.
I have a child-like approach to this holiday. There’s a part of me that loves knowing people are going out of their way to buy me things that will make me happy and cannot wait to see my reaction. I don’t mean that to sound selfish, but more of how I know people care. And there’s a bigger part that loves buying presents for other people, most especially my mom. I love finding things that she didn’t add to her Christmas list but know she’ll love and be completely surprised about. I love taking her stocking down from the nail late on Christmas Eve and filling it with goodies I’ve purchased. I love the spirit of the season; the pretty lights as I drive at night, our Christmas tree with handmade ornaments from my childhood, as well as our array of snowmen ornaments. I love wrapping presents and placing them under the tree, watching how big our stack grows. I love Christmas music, most especially the songs dedicated to celebrating the birth of my King.
And I love thinking about what our first Christmas will be like, while we’re courting. I think about our first Christmas as husband and wife. I think about our first Christmas with our baby. I think about future Christmases, filled up with kids, late night wrapping, and shopping trips. I think about Christmases far, far in the future, filled with our children and grandchildren.
I wonder how you celebrate Christmas. Are you as in love with this time of year as I am, or are you more of a Grinch? I promise you this: if you are a Grinch, I will turn you into a lover of Christmas. Believe that! Does your family open presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas? Do you go to church, have a big meal, or do Secret Santa exchanges? Are you even close to your family?
And what about Christmas 2010? How are you spending it now? I’d like to think you’re a family man, but perhaps you’re not. Maybe you’re working over Christmas or overseas. Maybe Christmas is a sad time for you, or maybe you’re experiencing the same childlike glee I have right now.
Sometimes, the thought of spending another Christmas without you chokes me up. I want to meet you so badly. I want our life to begin NOW. But I know I have a lot of issues I need to work on first, otherwise our relationship is doomed from the beginning. And you may be dealing with your own issues. Perhaps 2011 will be our year, but if it’s not, just know I will still be waiting for you.
I will be content in my singleness on this Christmas Eve, because I have hope for the future. I will watch Christmas movies with abandon, bake cookies until my arms ache, and joyously count down the hours until 7am on Christmas morning when presents will be opened. I am praying for you, love, that your Christmas is filled with laughter, joy, and above all, peace.
I love you with everything in me.
Beautiful post, and I can't wait for the day when he gets to read these letters!
ReplyDeleteOne of my RL best friends wrote today something similar - he's over at http://thespiae.wordpress.com - you might like his post today :)
Oh my gosh this is so beautiful! Have a very Merry Christmas - and know that one year you'll look back and talk about the Christmas where you wrote him a letter before you even knew him.
ReplyDeleteI really love this series and thought about partaking in it myself, only J and I are basically already married so I'd just be writing letters to him, ha. :)
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas Steph. I hope he finds you soon.
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas Stephany! When you do get married you'll have to give him this as your first Christmas present =)
ReplyDeleteI always think these letters are so sweet. I can't wait til I meet my man, either. I have such a vivd and particular idea of what I want in the man I marry that I worry I'm being too picky and that I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. Hopefully, I'm not. Hopefully, I get exactly what I want in a man. God willing, I hope so.
ReplyDeleteThese letters always make me so emotional! You're such a romantic Steph, and you'll be so happy you did this years from now when you give the lucky man all these letters.
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas! All the best in the New Year :) xox
Oh. my. goodness. I started trolling blogs because I've had a chronic cold and couldn't be bothered to do any work today. (Well not all 12 hours today anyways). I was in the worst mood and this totally made me melt. Thank you for that. Sometimes I'm such a workaholic perpetually single girl I forget I want all the stuff you talk about. The Christmases, the baby, the future. Then I read something beautiful like this and I am reminded. Maybe I will make more time to work toward such things this 2011 year. Wishing you love and luck too and cheers, T.
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