Monday, June 20, 2011


I met with a personal trainer this past week (free with new gym membership), and we discussed my goals for weight loss and what things may be holding me back. It was an extensive discussion but there were a few points I made that stuck out for me.

  • The biggest thing holding me back from losing the weight and keeping it off is myself.
  • One of the reasons I’ve never been able to successfully maintain a healthy lifestyle is because I lack consistency.

The thing about trying to lose weight and trying to do it for so long is that you become your own worst enemy. You envision yourself skinny, envision yourself healthy but that’s all it really is - a vision. Even if you stick with the plan for a while, there’s always that tiny voice in the back of your head saying you’re going to fail. Something will happen and the weight will come right back on.

I need to be consistent. With eating healthy. With exercise. Because I know I feel better about myself when I feel in control of my body. I know nothing feels as good as an insanely good, heart-pumping workout where I leave everything on the floor. But still, I’m inconsistent. Even now, as I come off two great weeks of being in control of my eating and getting in tons of great workouts, I’m still wondering when it will all become too much. Not if, but when.

I also did a fitness test with the personal trainer, one such test being the chest press. At first, he had me do 15 reps at 30 lbs which I was able to do, but it was hard. He asked me if I thought I could do 45 lbs. I was honest and said I didn’t think I could. 30 lbs was very hard and I didn’t think I had it in me to do 15 more reps with 15 more pounds of weight on the machine. He told me to try, so I did. And I managed to do 15 reps at 45 lbs.

I am holding myself back from reaching my full potential.

That’s a hard statement to make because it puts all the blame on me. I can’t blame my circumstances, my parents, or even my body. It is me. It is my mind. It is telling myself I can’t do something when I know I can. In this journey, I have a lot of supporters but ultimately, I need to support myself. I need to be my biggest cheerleader and push myself to do things I didn’t know I could do. Instead, I’m placing limits on myself.

The thing is, I’ve shown myself I could do it. I’ve lost weight before and transformed my eating habits but I let life get in the way of keeping healthy habits. I let school and a crazy schedule and family issues take over and gave myself permission to eat poorly and treat my body the wrong way to keep myself happy. Yet I wasn’t happy. I was disappointed in myself and disgusted at my body.

And even though this healthy living journey can be so damn hard, I need to remember that it will ultimately make me happy. Junk food does not make me happy. Pushing past my limits does.

Starting Weight:
159.2 lbs
Current Weight: 151.2 lbs
Net Difference: -8 lbs (-2.8 this week, but up 4.2 total from my lowest weight recorded.)
Body Fat: 27.17% (Now tracking body fat instead of BMI, since I can thanks to my gym! A better picture of health than BMI, in my opinion.)


  1. Being consistent in eating healthy and working out is a struggle for a LOT of people, so don't be too upset with yourself, just remember your goal every time you want to give up or give in to something you know you shouldn't. A friend of mine who wanted (and still wants) to lose a lot of weight uses that method: If she wakes up and doesn't want to go to the gym that day, she'll make sure that the first thing she does is get her bag and goes right away. It's one of my favorite mentalities (and she lost 40 pounds within 6 months!) You'll get to your goal weight though, you've got the willpower and now you know what's been holding you back! :)

  2. KJHartenstein6/20/11, 9:44 AM

    I keep trying to tell myself that food is fuel... I tend to ONLY eat things that taste good to me and all those things are, of course, bad for me.

  3. Way to go on upping the weights at the gym with your trainer; that is huge! Consistency can be hard sometimes, I get that, but you can obviously do it =) Cheering you on from afar!

  4. Consistency is really the hardest part about, well, everything.  Such a pain!  But, as you know, you can totes do this!  Good luck!

  5. I'm in the process of trying to become consistent with this too! How are you tracking your body fat? I agree it's much more accurate than BMI!

  6. I'm in the process of trying to become consistent with this too! How are you tracking your body fat? I agree it's much more accurate than BMI!

  7. I'm in the process of trying to become consistent with this too! How are you tracking your body fat? I agree it's much more accurate than BMI!

  8. Such a good post, it sounds like you're really on track. You shouldn't worry about the "up 4.3 total from your lowest recorded weight" bit though - the past is the past, keep focused on the future and how much you are achieving now!

    I struggled with an eating disorder for years, desperate to get back to 'normal' the biggest challenge was to stop putting pressure on myself.

    You are doing so well!!


  9. You can do this. Don't lose focus.

    Always your cheerleader, Linda

  10. Being your own worst enemy is such a pain in the butt. I'm exactly the same - I set low expectations and predict failure. I wish you lots of luck with your new outlook!

  11. I think we really are our own worst enemies.  It's tough to get into a habit of being consistent, but you can do it.  The great thing is that is only takes 21 days to form a habit.  Whcih is really not that long when you think about it.  When I wanted to get back into running, I challenged myself to a "June-athon" and blogged about it.  My goal was to run as many days of the month as I could, and at least get in 5 runs a week.  It totally kept jme honest as I would do weekly updates and there were def days I wanted to skip but I sayd - so I want to blog about onlyl running x days this week?  So maybe try something like that to get yourself back on track if you think it migh thelp? 

    But bottom line, you are doing a fantastic job!

  12. When trying to change your habits, consistency is such a hard thing to master. But I hope that realizing what's holding you back will lead you to find the consistency you need to make the changes you want. It takes time, as with anything in life, but if anyone can do it, YOU CAN! :) Wishing you lots of luck!!

  13. I'll be rooting for you from Ohio!

  14. This is great! I really admire you for this post and your new perspective on keeping yourself on the straight and narrow. I am always my biggest opponent, too. I doubt myself, and because of that, hold myself back. This is more so with my writing than anything else. And it's not only doubt that stands in the way - it's laziness, excuses, work. I'm trying to be better about it. Sometimes, I think I need a life coach.

  15. I track it through my gym. They have a "LifeCenter" which tracks blood pressure, weight/BMI, pulse, and body fat. BMI is a good indicator, but I think body fat shows the true picture.

  16. Very true! I've been thinking about those last 4 pounds I need to lose as not really amounting to much since I already technically lost it, but they do mean a lot and I will be as ecstatic to lose them as I will the next 30-something I need to lose!

    Thanks so much for the encouragement!

  17. It's such a twisted way to think about things, isn't it? I mean, what's the problem with imagining the best case scenario? It might come true? It might not? It would at least give us peace for a while.

  18. Thanks so much, Lisa! I'm hoping I can establish my gym time as a habit where it becomes almost impossible (or improbable) not to go. For me, it's what works much more so than anything else I've tried.

    Then we can work on my eating habits which are... eh...


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