Wednesday, December 30, 2009

2009: A Year of Mediocrity

If I could sum up 2009 in one word it would be mediocrity.

2009 isn't a year where that much happened. Nothing terrible or heartbreaking happened. Nothing incredible or exciting happened. I didn't go anywhere on vacation. I didn't meet the man of my dreams. No amazing opportunities passed my way.

Don't get me wrong, some great things happened this year. Dutch, my adorable mini-daschund came to live with us and has become such an integral part of my life. After years of journaling online, I discovered this amazing world of blogging and in the later part of 2009, I have really tried to hone my skills as a blogger and have even developed a (very) small following.

I have spent 11 of these 12 months working at a wonderful job where I have gained amazing experiences, close friends, and an appreciation for work. I am hoping to spend most of 2010 at this job. It's not my ideal job, or even a job close to the field where I want to work. But it is a job and I do love it.

My mom and I began the step to downsizing our budget and getting on our feet, regarding finances. We moved into a much smaller apartment where our rent is close to half what we were paying before. In March, my mom's car will be paid off.

But it's a year that's been rife in mediocrity. I've attended school but haven't come upon any amazing opportunities, either in writing or internships. (Until I was offered one in November, which I start in January.) I'm just amazed at how much other people in my program are doing. One of my classmates already has an internship lined up with Google! I'm hoping 2010 will be a year where I take advantage of more opportunities and try harder at school.

I've been mediocre in my attempts to lose weight and grow closer to God. I've been mediocre in my attempts to have a semblence of a social life. I've been mediocre in my finances. It feels as if I've been letting life pass me by, as cliche as that sounds. It's such a boring and uninspiring way to live life.

I have high hopes for 2010. I'm not going to list resolutions this year. I never seem to achieve them or even keep track of what they are. I just list them, and forget about them by mid-January.

But I have very specific ideas of what I want out of 2010. And, sure, these may resemble what resolutions are. But I do see them as resolutions. I see them more of goals. I feel that they are so much more specific and closer to my heart than resolutions. (Plus, resolutions have such a negative connotation to them.)

In 2010, I am striving to...
  • Become a healthier person. I am constantly striving towards this goal. I think most people are. Nobody wants to live an unhealthy life. We just don't have the tools or motivation to change. I have to find the motivation to change. I don't like who I have become. I don't like myself when I look in the mirror. And every time I watch The Biggest Loser's finale show, it's so bittersweet for me. I want to become them. I want to completely change my lifestyle from someone who eats food mainly high in fat and calories to someone who eats an array of healthy foods and exercises because I want to. It's going to be hard, but I have a lot of people who motivate me!
  • Become a godlier woman. Yet another goal I am constantly striving towards. In 2009, I really fell off track and didn't seek God in anything I did. Only when something awesome happened, did I sit there and thank Him. The funny thing I've noticed is how far the enemy has been when I haven't been following God. Yet the minute I start seeking Him again, he's back on the rampage and I've been getting attack after attack from him. But this is a goal I am seeking to the fullest. I want to a woman of God. I want to seek His face, and not just on Sundays.
  • Get in control of my finances. One of my big goals for 2010 is to pay off all of my credit cards and get rid of two of them. I have three right now. One is completely maxed out and the other two have probably $10 on each. I pay the minimum balance on the latter two every month and my minimum balance for the first is just insane. I'm a little embarrassed to even mention it. My goal is to use the majority of my income tax check to pay the first one off. And I want to use half of my paychecks to start paying off these credit cards. Once I can get in control of these, I can begin to start saving money and building my credit back up. And I think I'll be a much happier, secure person if this can happen.
When I think of these three goals I have, I just imagine the woman I will be if I can achieve all three. I think that's the image I'll keep at the back of my mind - thinking of how happier and self-assured I could be if I could become a healthier, more godly girl who is control of her finances. I am so looking forward to 2010. I am looking forward to fresh, new starts. I am looking forward to completely transforming my life. I want to look back on this girl I was in 2009 and just know I'll never be her again. 2010 is going to be different. I can feel it!
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