Eleven

 PROMPT:
What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? – Sam Davidson

1. An unhealthy approach to life: I want 2011 to be the year I release my hold on the life I used to have, most especially where it relates to my health. Lugging around 40 extra pounds is not easy, and it shows in the way I’m constantly exhausted and sluggish. I want to start feeling better about myself, and it starts with how I’m taking care of myself. More wholesome foods, less processed foods. More water, less sugary soda. More fruits and veggies, less snacks. I want to get to my goal weight and stay there.

2. A marathon mindset: I read and follow a variety of healthy-living bloggers and it feels like healthy living blogging goes hand-in-hand with running marathons. (And running them fast!) It pushed me into running (good), but also made me frustrated and upset when I couldn’t run as fast as them or as long as them. Maybe one day I will run a marathon but I’m pretty sure it won’t be in 2011. I want to stop putting so much pressure on running 10-minute miles and more on just running and enjoying myself. I still want to run races, but there’s no competitive spirit in me that needs to run half-marathons or marathons. I want to keep running, but I don’t want to be obsessive about it anymore.

3. Doubt (as it regards to myself): I want to believe in myself. I want to trust myself. I want to stop being so afraid of failure that I miss out on amazing opportunities. I want to put myself out there and be OK with failure. I want to show myself I am much more capable than I thought I was. 2011 is the year I stop saying “I can’t” and start saying “I totally can.”

4. Doubt (as it regards to my faith): My faith has struggled so much this year. I’ve doubted God and His promises. I’ve stopped attending church, reading my Bible, or even reading Christian novels. I’m fallen into bad habits of reading books I shouldn’t and believing in lies the enemy whispers into my mind. But, see, I know God is real and I know I need Him in my life. I see it in the way my heart races and palms sweat when someone talks against Him and the way my heart feels when I hear a worship song on the radio. I just need to start truly living it out and stop worrying so much about what others think of me.

5. Laziness: I am a lazy human being. I’m not proud of it and it’s something that I hate about myself. I blame blogging. (So yes, it means I also blame you. You for your blogs and your funny posts and thought-provoking posts and thrilling posts.) I want to do more with my time. I have a lot of free time, even when I am in school. But I don’t use it as wisely as I should. I’m getting rid of laziness in 2011 and managing my time better. Doing. More.

6. Sleepiness: I love sleeping. I have to replace my pillows often because I use them so much. I’m not sure if I have a low iron count or just poor sleeping habits, because I am constantly tired. Even when I get a good amount of sleep for a good number of days, I still can barely keep my eyes open past 10 p.m. I want to figure out why I’m so tired (whether it’s just not getting enough sleep, or something more serious) so I can stop sleeping away my life.

7. Anxiety: I am just starting to get a handle on these feelings I’ve been having and I think I may have a name to put with it. I’m nervous to blog about it, nervous to say I suffer from anxiety when it may not be the case. But I do know there’s something going on in my head that shouldn’t be. And I am intending to seek help about it.

8. Not dealing with my problems: I don’t like being unhappy. It’s not like I pretend things are sunshine and roses when they’re not, it’s that I just have an unsatiable desire to be happy. So I don’t deal with unhappiness. I shove all of my problems to the back of my mind and don’t dwell on them. Take it from me: it’s not the best way to live. Sometimes, you have to be unhappy. For days. For weeks. For months. It’s not like I want to be unhappy for months, but I do need to know it is OK to be unhappy. Problems need to be dealt with and sometimes, it just isn’t pretty. My hope for 2011 is I forget about this happiness desire and start addressing what’s bothering me when it’s bothering me.

9. School: Providing I pass my classes next semester, I will be a college graduate in May 2011! I am so excited to say good-bye to school, tests, papers, and all the stress it brings. I will admit that I feel a little scared of what graduation will bring, but I’m excited! I’m ready to become a Big Girl.

10. Credit card debt: My only goal for the first few months of 2011 is to pay off my Target and bank credit card ($800 total). I just want to focus on that because once I do, this girl will be out of credit card debt. It’s something I never thought I would see myself in, but it’s a place I never want to be in again.

11. Being dependent: I have felt a pressing need to be on my own in these past few weeks. It’s not like my mom makes living with her miserable – it’s the opposite, actually. But I know I need to take some major leaps in a different direction to become more independent. I think it all starts with graduation and getting a job that pays more than minimum wage. It starts with me taking control of more bills, helping my mom out with housework, and doing more things on my own. It’s scary, though. But so, so incredibly necessary.

Tell me, what are some things your life doesn’t need in 2011?