My future husband,
I can’t wait to meet you. Some days, I grow so impatient and lonely as the days stretch out before me without a partner by my side. Other days, I’m happy with where I am, happy to be single and to prepare the best me I can be before we meet.
But today, specifically, I want to talk about me. About this woman you’re going to marry. Because I’ve lived for most of my twenty-three years thinking I would never feel worthy of your love, thinking there would never be a guy out there who would deem me so incredible, that he would want to spend the rest of his life with me.
But gosh darnit, there is. You are him. My stomach releases a flurry of butterflies every time I think about you, about our wedding day, about our married life.
Today, as I write to you, I am 23 years old. I am a new college graduate and applying my little heart out to any and every job I can find. I am bursting at the seams to begin my life, to stop using my shyness, young looks, and penchant to be busy as an excuse to hide from the real world. I am establishing my independence in small ways that will lead to bigger change and I am days away from leaving United States soil for the very first time.
I love reading and it was reason for embarrassment growing up. Other girls liked having sleepovers and long chats on the phone. I liked curling up with a good book and using my Saturday mornings as my time to peruse the tall stacks of books at the library, selecting the best ones for me. I always thought my love for reading would diminish as I grew and developed other hobbies, but it hasn’t. Instead, this love burns the deepest in me and I don’t think it will ever be extinguished.
I’m most content when I am comfortable with myself: with what I’m wearing, with how I’m acting, with who I am with. I’m not the girl that needs to be dressed to the nines every single day, although it’s always nice to dress up when the occasion calls for it. And I’m not the girl who constantly needs to be surrounded by people. I’m the girl who will sit by your side during a football game, yelling and cheering at the top of my lungs. I’m the girl who loves food and eating, even if it does mean I’ll never be model-thin. I’m the girl who cherishes long talks and the silence. The girl who loves to laugh and uses sarcasm as a second language.
I’m non-confrontational and generally shy away from arguments. I’m working on it, because it means sometimes I let people walk all over me. I’m learning to stand up for myself and the people I love.
I’m still very shy when talking to the opposite sex, as evidenced by my “talks” with the man I labeled Cute Apartment Guy. It’s hard for me to open up to strangers and even harder when said stranger is cute. This means I have no idea how we’ll meet, what your first impression of me will be, and that I’m constantly worried I’m going to screw up our happy ending.
I know I have a lot of work to do on me. On not shutting down and remaining quiet when things bug me. On going after what I want, full speed ahead. On understanding where my passions lie. On repairing my relationship with God. On establishing independence. On tackling all those things I’ve set aside while trying to graduate. On becoming the best wife to you as I can possibly be.
At 23, I still have a lot of growth to do, a lot of life left to discover. Some days, I wish you were by my side and we were going through these things together. But ultimately, I know this is what is best. I’m content in my singleness for now, because I know it’s not forever.
I can’t wait to meet you.
Your Future Wife