When I was a senior in high school, my best friend called me boring. Boring. Essentially, it was a huge criticism and caused me to spend the next few years hating everything about the word. And hating even more that she was right.
I began to equate my quietness and introvertedness (that's a word!) as being boring. I hated it. I hated that she was right and I was boring. No wonder I have a hard time making friends, haven't been on a date in eleventy billion months, and hate everything about the social scene. It's because I'm boring.
A few weeks ago, Emily Jane wrote an amazing post about introverts and why we struggle with being social. It was a real eye-opener for me to find out there isn't anything wrong with me. I'm not weird, nor do I need to seek out a more boisterous personality. There were so many interesting tidbits in the post that I won't begin to talk about them here. The main lesson I took away from it was that I become overstimulated by too much social time and I draw my energy from being quiet. It makes complete sense to me. I cherish my alone times more than my people times. If I don't get at least a few hours of alone time a day, I get stressed and jittery. (This is why it's probably a good reason I changed my major from education to journalism. And why I hated my teaching experiences so much.)
My mom and I are both huge introverts. H to the yewj. We spend many, many car rides in complete silence. To some people, we may look like we're mad at each other or barely know one another. But the truth is, this is just the way we were made. If you were to tape a sensor to my brain to spew out everything I was thinking during these "silent" car rides, I don't even know how many pages you would fill up! When I'm quiet and seem withdrawn into myself, it doesn't mean I'm not engaged. The opposite is actually true. My mind never seems to shut off and there is so much happening in my brain that it would probably exhaust an extrovert.
I'm beginning to embrace being an introvert. I love the fact that being shy and quiet is such a huge part of me because there's nothing to be ashamed of! While I would love to have more of my dad's extroverted personality where he could get anyone and everyone to open up to him and become his best friend justlikethat, I realize it's OK if I don't. There are downsides to being so quiet and shy, mainly that it takes me forever to open up to people and let myself enjoy where I'm at. I worry too much about what people think of me. I can't do small talk for anything. And I cringe at the thought of a car ride with someone I barely know.
But I need to stop worrying about that because it hasn't gotten me anywhere in the past few years. I'm shy. Incredibly so. I'm quiet, to the point you may think I'm snobbish. (I promise I'm not.) Some may call me boring. So what? It's who I am. I need to embrace it.
Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
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totally embrace it! we just stress ourselves out trying to change anyway :)
ReplyDeleteUgh just deleted my comment!
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I am an extrovert, I think. I tend to be very alive, outgoing and animated when I'm with people - especially people I know well. I am more talkative when around Eric's family than Eric is!!
Eric on the other hand is a total introvert and is happiest when he spends all day inside being "left alone" playing his video game :-)
Embrace who you are love! NOBODY is boring!
I recently wrote about just the same thing: http://eemusings.wordpress.com/2010/10/22/on-relishing-the-simple-things/
ReplyDeleteI love my me time and I'm not gonna apologise for it anymore.
Gotta admit, car journeys are the worst. Even with my best friends, there's a lot of silence happening. I know some people aren't comfortable with it, and sometimes I'm actually not, but I'm used to it.
That said, I am trying to expand my social circle, so I'm accepting as many invitations that come my way as I can.
Good for you Stephany! God made you the way you are for His purpose!! If everyone in the world were extroverts the world would be "boring" and there would never be any quite! Yikes!!
ReplyDeleteIn answer to your question,I am somewhere in the middle of being an extrovert and an introvert. I used to be closer to an introvert but now I think I may be closer to an extrovert. I cherish my alone times AND my people times but if I don't get at least a few hours of alone time a few times a week, I get stressed. I can make small talk although, like you, I cringe at the thought of a car ride with someone I barely know.
God Bless!
Tamy : )
PS I have spent enough time with you to promise you that you are not boring!
Love this. I'm somewhere between. I LOVE being the center of attention (is that douchey? I do!) but I also crave & thrive on nights alone & in silence. I have anxiety problems & am afraid to talk to people when it matters. Though I'll chat up just about any stranger in a WalMart or Starbucks, as you just read, I am terrified of talking to people on the phone about anything - everything from banking to interviews to customer service. It's an odd bag, but like you, I try to remind myself to push my limits & to embrace who I am rather than change it - while still pushing my limits.
ReplyDeleteWould you believe it? My phone just started ringing... IGNORRRE.
I am a total introvert. I thrive on being alone with my thoughts, my journal, or a good book. Spending more than a few days with most people completely and totally drains me. I embraced the fact that I was an introvert ages ago and never looked back.
ReplyDeleteTotal introvert! My pet peeve is being called "no fun" which I suppose is similar to boring. I've also had people tell me they thought I was a bitch when they first met me because I wasn't overly friendly, which they didn't know was because I'm just not comfortable with that right away. Now I just take being called "no fun" or "boring" as being misunderstood and that's okay.
ReplyDeleteNice post! I used to be an extrovert then in the past couple years an introvert but now I'm inbetween.
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of best friend would call you boring? that's awful. I no like.
ReplyDeleteMy best friend is an introvert and we can spend HOURS chatting. Everyday. I'm an extreme extrovert. I'm learning to be more moderate as I think I need a little more balance to take care of myself. This was one of my biggest challenges/lessons of 2010.
I'm completely an introvert. I tend to be very quiet around people ... Husband can carry on a conversation with the cashier at the grocery store, but I just stand and wait and say "have a good day" before I leave. He said it makes me look rude when I don't talk, but that's just how I am! I can't carry on a conversation with people I don't know. I just feel awkward.
ReplyDeleteLuckily, my husband is very friendly and can carry on conversations, so when I'm feeling awkward and quiet, he talks, and it makes things a lot less awkward for me.
I am an introvert as well. I didn't really realize it until one day, I was talking about my favorite hobbies (reading, blogging, knitting, running) and the person I was talking to pointed out that those are all thinggs done alone. And a light bulb went off!
ReplyDeleteI think since i have lived alone for 6 years now, I have become even more of an introvert. I can be a social butterfly if need me, but I do better w/ small groups or one-on-one meet ups. And I def need my 'me time' to re charge my battery.
You are NOT boring. DOn't ever think that! I think that is such a rude thing to say!!
I always say that I am an introvert trapped in an extrovert's body. For me it depends on the situation. Sometimes I am completely extroverted and others I'm not. Heck, sometimes it just depends on the day.
ReplyDeleteI normally go from one extreme to the other--my dad is the most outgoing, lively person I know, and is ALWAYS the life of a group. I've shied away from being that person, but I've worked so hard to at least be approachable. It really is situational. When I notice that someone is an introvert they're always more interesting to me--it makes me wonder who they are once you get to know them, and that's *never* boring!
ReplyDeleteI've always had problems with being shy. I'm not close to my roommate at all, and sometimes I get nervous having to talk to her about maintenance on our room or if she comes to my door to ask a question. I've gotten better since I got out of high school. I'm definitely not as shy as I used to be. It also really depends on my mood, the atmosphere, my surroundings, and the vibes I'm getting from other people. I was really proud of myself when, the other day, I was in Target to get some Starbucks and this really, really, super, amazingly gorgeous guy with the prettiest blue eyes was working behind the counter, and we struck up a conversation based on my buying a pair of gloves with my coffee because I was going to my college's football game that night and it was supposed to be cold. I acted normal, like, yes, I can talk to a ridiculously handsome pretty-blued-eyed guy like it's nothing. Especially since I've NEVER been on a real date before. My sophomore year of high school boyfriend doesn't count, because our parents drove us to movies. NOT the same thing...
ReplyDeleteOne of my best friends of nine years is a complete introvert so I'm used to it. I, on the other hand, am an extrovert though I love having a little time to sit with myself. I guess that's why her and I get along so well. I'm the outgoing, crazy one and she's the reserved, quiet one that keeps me in check. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. Could you imagine this world if everyone was an extrovert? No one would get a word in edgewise!
ReplyDeleteI think I fall more towards the introverted side of the spectrum. Not enough alone time puts me in a nasty mood. Case in point - when I travel with anyone other than Jason (because he naps enough for me to get a break!) for more than 2 days. I'm not very good at small talk either, but I do love to talk when I'm with a friend.
ReplyDeleteI think its totally safe to say I'm an extrovert. Every thing I think needs to be shared with everyone in my immediate vicinity.
ReplyDeleteYour friend was wrong to call your boring, just as folks are wrong to call me an attention hoe. You're just you, and thats all you need to be. :-P
Thanks for linking to my post! I'm glad you enjoyed it - it was a massive relief for me to read those things too :) And just a sidenote - "H to the yewj" is my new favourite thing ever :)
ReplyDeleteI am most definitely an introvert. Maybe not to the point where I'm completely shy, but it does take me a while to warm up to new people. Generally I'm quiet until I feel comfortable around people.
ReplyDeleteBeing a journalist definitely helps you break out of your shell a little bit!
And I hardly find you boring! :)
Can I be both!? Cause I think I am. Or maybe I'm an extrovert until I am burnt out on being with others at which point I tend to retreat as quickly as possible to a place of quite, solitude, comfort. I love to read, write, listen to music, just be quiet. But there are other times where I can't stand it and need to be around people, but preferably in small groups. According to my Briggs Meyer thing I am an extrovert but I don't always believe it! ;-)
ReplyDeleteAs a kid, I was a definite extrovert. This is not to say I couldn't be alone and didn't enjoy reading and other alone things, but I also really enjoyed spending time with people particularly my friends.
ReplyDeleteThere are times now that I think I'm a total introvert because most days I would so much rather be relaxing with just Eric or a small group of people. I sometimes beat myself up about that because I think being social is the way to be, but like you said it's important to just be who you actually are and appreciate it.
I've finally decided I'm in fact, both. I'm an extrovert in that I love teaching- I interact with kids, parents and people at work all day. But at the end of that I often need some relaxation time by myself :)
Reading this post made my day. I admire your guts-putting this out there for the world to see. I'm somewhere in between, but leaning toward introvert. I have a lot of anxiety too. It feels like I'm always worrying what people think. Ever since I started exercising regularly, and pushing myself with each workout, my anxiety has gone down. And I HAVE to have alone time too. Being social for too long makes me exhausted. So I feel ya girl! You are totally not alone!
ReplyDeleteGood for you Stephany! God made you the way you are for His purpose!! If everyone in the world were extroverts the world would be "boring" and there would never be any quite! Yikes!!
ReplyDeleteIn answer to your question,I am somewhere in the middle of being an extrovert and an introvert. I used to be closer to an introvert but now I think I may be closer to an extrovert. I cherish my alone times AND my people times but if I don't get at least a few hours of alone time a few times a week, I get stressed. I can make small talk although, like you, I cringe at the thought of a car ride with someone I barely know.
God Bless!
Tamy : )
PS I have spent enough time with you to promise you that you are not boring!