Nanny asked me: What do you think about him every day? And how can you be in love with the idea of him if you haven't met him?
I think it's a perfectly normal question and I'm sure it came across a little kooky for some people. So I want to explain. Because my future husband and marriage and waiting is something I am so passionate about. I want to shout it out across the rooftops how precious and beautiful waiting for your future husband can be.
I want to start with saying that I'm a virgin. And I've never been kissed. I know. It's pretty strange for a 22-year-old. And I think it's only by the grace of God that I've never given myself completely away because I have not followed God for twenty-two years. I have fallen into the trap of becoming like the world and wanting to be doing what "everyone else is doing." But God definitely saved me from falling too deeply into sin.
I have believed, since I was a little girl, that I was designed for one man only. God created one man for the purpose of becoming my husband. If you think about it, that's a pretty awesome concept! There's a guy out there who I am going to know in the most intimate, deepest way possible and I have no idea who he is yet!
Gosh. There is so much I think about with him. I think about what he's doing now: is he in college, is he graduated, did he even go to college, is he studying abroad, is he doing missionary work, is he in prison, is he on the streets, is he living the normal, party college life, or is he a worship leader for his church? I think about whether or not he's found Jesus yet. I think about how many gitls he's kissed or even had sex with. I think about our life together someday, where we'll live, and what it will be like. I think about our wedding day: will it be in a church, on the beach, at a ballroom. I want to know what kind of father he'll be to our kids and what kind of supportive husband he'll be during my labor(s). I want to know what kind of sense of humor he'll have. I want to know how much he loves football. I want to know if he's just cruising through life, like I am, or living it to the fullest. I want to know how he treats his friends, his siblings, and his mother. I want to know what his dreams and hopes are. I want to know if he thinks about me.
And as I think about all of this, I can't help but get a little giddy. I hesitate to write this but I'm going to: I have a passionate love for my future husband. I have a passionate desire to know him, to be with him, and to remain pure for him. I may not know who he is or what he looks like, but I love him. And I love the fact that we don't know each other yet. We haven't even begun our love story. We haven't even met. But one day, I will know him on the deepest, most intimate way possible. And I can't wait for God to bring us together.
I want to end this blog post with a quote from a book that touched me deeply and helped me examine my feelings about living pure for my future husband. The book is called When Dreams Come True by Eric and Leslie Ludy and in the book, they talk about their love story between each other, but more importantly, their love stories with God. It's a beautiful, powerful book.
"Faithfulness to my future husband had come to mean so much more than simply saving my virginity for him. I had made a decision that no matter how many mistakes I had made in the past, from now on I would set myself aside in complete purity and true faithfulness for the man I would one day marry. I wanted to guard my heart, my emotions, everything."
