Annual Blog Review - Your Feedback

I want to begin my post by extending a huge thank you to everyone that filled out my blog survey. It’s the first time I’ve done one of these and while I’m not sure if I’ll do one every year, it’s also a good measuring stick to who my readers are and what post topics speak to them more than others. It doesn’t necessarily mean I’m scrapping posts that a vast majority of survey responders don’t like but it does help me see what your likes and dislikes are.

What you like

There were three post topics that stood out as winners: personal thoughts on life and issues, singlehood posts, and healthy living/fitness posts. I think I do a fairly good job at covering all three topics. I try not to blog too much about my singleness because I don’t want to come off as whiny or too “boys are bad business, man.” I think I’ve gotten better at opening up about being single and my low-key dating life, but it was interesting to see how many people wanted to hear more about it! I know being open and honest about my life and my struggles is something I do on a regular basis. Even though I’m not anonymous and I have family and friends who read my blog, my blog is also very therapeutic for me. I have hard time keeping silent on certain subjects and as it turns out, most people like that about my blog!

What you don’t like

Book reviews and faith. Those drew the most dislikes, although they also drew the same number of likes. I know faith posts can be very subjective (and controversial!) so most people stay away from them. Which is fine and I see nothing wrong in that, but it’s not for me. :) As far as book reviews go, they tend to draw the least amount of views or comments. I tend to skip over book reviews of books that aren’t ones I’ve read or highly popular myself, which is why I switched over to a different kind of book review (a three-in-one snapshot type). My Letters to My Future Husband series drew a fair number of dislikes, but it also garnered the fourth-most likes so I’m not sure that’s an accurate measurement. (Which is good, since that’s my favorite series and I would not get rid of it even if everyone hated it. Wheeee!)

On weekly posts

For the most part, no weekly post was the least liked. Some people had their own reasons for not liking certain posts, all reasonings I could understand. Wine and Love got the most likes (yay, Nora!) with Ten on Tuesday, Weekly Weigh-In, and Project 365 all tying for second. I try to keep my blog content fresh and new, not wanting to fill up every day with a meme so just know I will never become a “meme a day” type of blogger, but I also really love Ten on Tuesday and Wine and Love so those posts are here to stay!

On writing about my faith

I was really interested to see what people thought about faith and religion posts. I used to write more about my faith, struggles I was having, and just things I believe in. 2011 I didn’t write much, mainly because I was more consumed with graduation, finding a job, and settling into my new role. It was also a year my faith felt very stagnant and elusive. But I’m finally feeling a burning need to write more about my faith. I’ve thought about opening up a new blog specifically centered on faith posts but it felt very two-faced, as if I was living two different lives. As if writing more about faith would make me lose readers and honestly? I shouldn’t care about that. I find it sad that some people cannot understand where I’m coming from, yet I’m supposed to be non-judgmental and completely okay with where they are coming from. But if there are people who cannot understand my faith (I’m not saying they have to believe as I do, but being able to not judge me harshly for what I believe in), those are people I don’t want to be friends with anyway. That’s a very shallow and close-minded way to live, in my opinion.

Off my soapbox!

I plan on beginning a series of faith-based posts, I’m creatively titling “On Faith”. A mix of posts about things I’m struggling with, things I feel God is trying to teach me, and a general view on what I believe and why I believe it. Nineteen of you had no opinion about me blogging about my faith, many of you not wanting to hurt my feelings but said those post just didn’t interest you. Totally okay! I get it. I generally skip over posts with political rants or design DIYs. To each their own. I’m excited about this series, though, and I had quite a few of you who did want to hear more about my faith and I can’t wait to start sharing again.

Overall...

I’m really glad I did this survey! I was able to get some great feedback on what you guys want to see more of and what you could do without. A few of you also mentioned wanting to know more about my day-to-day life which, I’ll admit, I sometimes forget to talk about because I have all these THOUGHTS I want to express first! But I also noticed this when I wrote my 2011 recap, it was kinda hard to figure out what I did each month since I didn’t document the little things that happened all too well.

I did get one rather harsh comment (from someone who doesn’t even read my blog anymore, go figure) that got me thinking about a lot, mainly about how my writing comes across in certain subjects. I’m sure this will ensue a blog post, because while I don’t like to give fire to anonymous comments, I think it’s an important topic to talk about. It was the only less than positive comment so I’m trying to brush it off, but it also makes me incredibly sad someone would feel this way about me. (Also, Exhibit #858 on Why I Could Never Be a Popular Blogger.)

All in all, great feedback for me to better this blog in 2012. I have big plans on a move to Wordpress, brand-new design, fun giveaways, and some new series ideas to put into action. Cheers to a beautiful and vibrant year!

Tagged

Back in December, both Erin and Melissa tagged me in a fun meme. I tend to shy away from these types of things but it looked like a fun one so, one month later, I'm finally getting around to posting my own! Since I was tagged twice, I answered a combination of their questions during the question section because answering 22 questions is a little crazy for me.

Here are the rules.
1. You must post these rules.
2. Each person must post 11 things about themselves on their blog.
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
4. You have to choose 11 people to tag and link them on the post.
5. No tag backs and you legitimately have to tag 11 people.

11 Facts About Myself.
1. Whenever my family orders pizza, we specifically ask for the pepperoni to be placed under the cheese. It is so much better this way. Seriously. Try it.

2. I really want to adopt another dachshund.

3. I take a bubble bath almost every day.

4. I'm addicted to Bath and Body Works hand sanitizers.

5. I really hate driving. And since I live in an area that is not walkable and has a sketchy bus transit system, it's inevitable I spend a lot of time in the car.

6. I hate cold weather with a passion. And by "cold weather", I mean anything under 60 degrees.

7. I am pretty awful at saving money. It's something I want to work on this year.

8. I took my first cruise in May 2011 and I'm pretty sure I'll be taking one a year from here on out.

9. I have three calendars at my desk at work: a small monthly calendar that sits at one side of my computer, a day calendar (featuring dachshunds!) that sits at the other side of my computer, and a large desk calendar that sits to the right of me where I try to keep up with all our due dates for our many emails, ads, and print runs.

10. The biggest city I've ever visited is Atlanta.

11. Sometimes, I have a terrible time focusing at work.

11 Questions to Answer.
1. Where is one place (city, state, or country) that you are dying to visit?
New York City. So many people tell me I'll hate it (since I'm too low-key for it? Not sure.) but I think you have to visit at least once in your life!

2. What is your bed time?
Ideally? 9:00. But more often than not, it's 10:30 or 11:00. As someone who wakes up around 5:00-5:30 to work out, this is way too late. Whenever I make it to bed before 10:00, I'm ecstatic. (Dear 12-year-old Stephany, yes. This is what adulthood looks like.)

3. What is one resolution or goal you have for 2012?
To achieve a healthy lifestyle. I have lots of goals for 2012, but this one is the biggest one I want to achieve.

4. What's your favorite part of the day?
Probably the evening hours, when my mom and I are relaxing on the couch, eating dinner and watching TV. It's a calm, slow time for us to catch up and wind down from our busy days.

5. Favorite vacation you've taken so far in your life?
My cruise, of course! It was the most fabulous five days of my LIFE. I had such a blast, more fun than I ever imagined. I cannot wait to go again!

6. Favorite board game?
My absolute favorite is probably Trivial Pursuit, but I also love Apples to Apples which is only fun when you play with a big group. I have been itching to host a game night for the sole reason of playing Apples to Apples for hours.

7. When you need a snack, do you reach for something sweet or salty? 
Usually, sweet! My sweet tooth is a little out of control, especially in the afternoons. I always make sure to have something chocolate-y on hand to cure my cravings at work.

8. What is your dream job?
My dream is to write and to spread the message of purity and waiting. There. I said it. Whew.

9. What is your favorite animal?
Always and forever, dogs. I have intense love for dogs and all the happiness they bring to my life. Second runner-up are sea lions.

10. What is your favorite part of the holidays?
I'm not sure I could choose just one! I love how busy and crazy it is, the decorations, buying gifts, anticipating what others have bought you, etc. Only 10.5 more months until we get to do it all over again!

11. Who is your hero?
My grandma, no doubt. She has beaten Stage IV colon cancer TWICE (currently battling it for a third time, but will be undergoing special treatment to zap it out, no chemo needed). She has raised six children and is currently raising two teenagers who are... quite special, to put it nicely. She has not had an easy life but is my biggest inspiration for fighting when the going gets tough and enduring challenges with grace. She knows the Bible backwards and forwards and has this amazing, strong love for the Lord that I try to emulate on a daily basis. I think anyone who has ever met her or knows her would say she is their hero as well. She is an amazing, amazing woman.

Here Are My Questions.
1. When was the last time you felt proud of yourself?
2. What is your definition of success? Of failure?
3. What is your favorite day of the year?
4. When you go to the mall, do you go with a specific purchase in mind, or just go to browse?
5. What is the next vacation you're looking forward to?
6. Do you use a planner? Paper or electronic?
7. What is your must-have beauty product?
8. What was the last book you read? What did you think about it?
9. What Internet browser do you use the most?
10. When was the last time you went to the dentist?
11. Which is the bigger time-suck for you: Facebook or Twitter... or something else?

I am tagging: Lauren, Amber, Lisa, San, Amber, Stephanie, Krysten, Cait, Stephanie, Marissa, and Allison

Annual Blog Review

I realized a few weeks ago that I have been remiss in something in regards to Stephany Writes. I absolutely adore this blog and I’m happy with my writing and posts. I’m even more happy about the friendships that have been made, many that have been developing more off blog and Twitterland. I think a lot about blogging and my blog schedule, a lot about how I want to see my blog develop. And in developing a blog, one of the best ways to do that is by surveying readers. Finding out what my readers like and dislike about my blog. What they wish I would write more about. What posts they could care less about. And mostly to make sure the direction I’m heading is the right one for you guys. I know readers will come and go, just as I delete blogs from my Reader that I’ve drifted away from, but I think it’s important to get feedback. Especially on this blog, since I spend so much time and energy on it.

So, without further ado, the survey to fill out is below. It’s anonymous and I want you to be completely honest in your thoughts and feelings. I’m looking forward to what you have to say!

(I also need to give 100% credit to Allison of Lemonade Life for this idea and some parts of the form. She had her own review in December and it’s what prompted me to do my own.)

Ten Days of Thanksgiving - Day 3

I’m spending the next week and a half documenting and reflecting on ten things I am thankful for this year. (Inspired by Lisa.)

• Day 1
• Day 2

Today, I am thankful for blogging.

When I started this blog, I didn’t have any long-term goals for it. All I wanted was a fresh start and a place to just write. To grow. To explore. To not be afraid of sharing my feelings.

It’s grown into so much more than I could have ever imagined.

Not only have I found a place to talk about what I’m going through with real and honest emotion, I have found people to connect with. Friends who have let me know that I’m not the only one who has gone through something or not the only one who feels that way. I have found connection and support. Some of you have challenged me to set goals and take on things that frighten me. Some of you have been a place for me to vent to. Some of you have helped me on school assignments or offered me advice.

It hasn’t been a one-way street, though. With these friendships, I have become utterly intertwined with your lives. I have hurt when you hurt and celebrated with you celebrated. I have developed some of the closest bonds with bloggers, some of them morphing into weekly e-mail catch-ups. While I have yet to jump into the world of Skype dates (who wants to be my first?), I still relish these relationships.

And 2012 is the year I leap into meeting you amazing people in real life. I’ve spent too long harboring jealousy over blogger meet-ups and worrying what people will think of the “real” me that I want to break out of that cycle.

And I would be remiss in writing this blog post about blogging and meeting blog friends, without mentioning a very special blog friend I met this weekend. I started reading Amber’s blog two or so years ago when she was still in journalism school. We were able to connect over classes and I ate up her posts about entering the professional world. We met at City Walk in Orlando on Saturday night where we proceeded to spend the night talking about blogging, books, language differences, and weather. (Yes, we discussed the weather. No, it wasn’t as boring as it seems.) We didn’t get a whole lot of time together but it was so good to finally meet someone whose life I had been following for years. I was nervous up until right before I saw her and then it was like catching up with a good, old friend. And now? Now I need to meet the rest of you.

Shifting Priorities

I took an unannounced break from blogging and social media last Friday. It was pretty spontaneous and spur-of-the-moment, especially for someone like me, who likes to announce these things. (I’m important like that.) But Friday morning, I decided it was time. I deleted Facebook and Twitter off my phone and just stepped away. Not fully. I still read and commented on blogs. I still had a book review to post. But I took the pressure off.

Pressure to keep up with my Twitter timeline, pressure to spend all my free time reading blogs, pressure to adhere to a strict five-day-a-week blogging schedule. Pressure to be present in everything but where I am at this moment.

I’ve struggled with finding my blogging and social media identity. Where do I fit in to this all? What kind of blogger do I want to be? How is Twitter impacting my daily life? Lately, I’ve fallen on the habit of writing five posts a week, Monday through Friday, scheduled to post at 7:00AM every day. I have a set schedule for what types of posts I want to write each day.

This schedule worked in the past and things were fine. I would take a day off here and there, but generally, kept up the schedule.

And honestly? It’s just not working for me anymore.

Time is an issue. I work a full-time job now and usually work out at the gym afterwards, not making it home until 7:30 or 8:00 most nights. This leaves little time to even take a shower and eat dinner, much less sit down and write a coherent blog post. And honestly, after sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours and having to have my mind completely on, the last thing I want to do sit in front of my laptop and turn my creative brain on.

I worried a lot about how my blog might suffer once I started a full-time job. And I know it sounds silly, but I did. I have known many bloggers who have fallen off the face of the earth because their job consumes their entire world. I didn’t want that from me. I wanted a job, of course, but I also wanted to maintain a semblence of me and blogging is a major part of me.

I want to value quality over quantity and I’m not doing that when I’m sticking to a schedule. Instead, I’m too busy trying to keep up with the schedule to ever put out quality posts. So many good post ideas come and go because they don’t fit in to the schedule, or I just can’t find the time to sit down and write them.

So I took a break. I had to get away from the schedule for at least a week. To figure out where I wanted to take my blog in this next year. What’s my goal? While I love getting comments from new readers and the friendships I’ve built from this blog, my number one goal isn’t to gain readers or sponsorships. It’s not to make money. It’s not to become a famous blogger.

My goal is to write. To share my passions. To be honest and truthful in my everyday struggles with my faith, my health, and my everyday life. To plan for the future. To get back to writing posts that resonate with my soul, no matter if it causes controversy or people to belittle the way I think. To write from the heart, not just from the head.

Maybe I think about it too much, but there it is.

(I also don’t want to take away from those bloggers who do make money from their blog, do use a schedule, do post daily. That works for them. It doesn’t work for me. But I don’t begrudge those who do.)

Don’t forget to enter my giveaway to win a fancy-schmancy training ball! Giveaway ends on Monday, October 3rd.

Five For Friday: Best Search Terms

I love hearing what funny search terms bring readers to my blog. For the most part, they stay on the boring side, usually something having to do with my future husband letters. (Although, the minute I posted about my Life Planner, people searching for coupon codes for this specific designer came in droves.) Here are some of the more interesting search terms I have found:

1 - “i want to have short hair but my hair is waving”

Hair that is waving? I think you have a bigger problem on your hands than too-long hair.

2 - “i m excited too much during sex wht to do?”

You will find no help on this subject on my blog. But, honestly, is this such a bad thing? Hoookay. Moving on.

3 - “are sidebangs annoying with glassses?”

Oh, yes! And yet, I love my side bangs. But glasses tend to get in the way more often than not.

4 - “girl always been single whats wrong”

I want to give this girl a great big hug. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single and being single for a long time. Society wants to deem it wrong, but there’s a lot to be said about being comfortable enough in yourself to be happy as a single woman. I am perfectly content in my singleness and the fact that I have been single for a long time. I really could go on and on about this subject, but I won’t.

5 - “i miss my dad, hope one day he come back”

Another search term that just made me sad. All I can say is me, too. My heart freshly breaks every day I go without my dad in my life.

What a sad way to end a Friday post! Happy Friday!

A Birthday

Today, my blog turns two.

I didn’t celebrate my blog anniversary last year. It passed by without me even realizing it. But I’ve been thinking a lot about my blog lately, the direction it’s headed and whether or not I’m happy with the content I’m publishing.

I’m very critical of myself. I can be even more critical of my writing. I’m also Queen of the Comparing Game so I find myself comparing myself to other bloggers on a regular basis. I think I’ve matured from the “how come they have so many followers?” questions and I’m more concerned with comparing my content to what other bloggers are producing. I never want to be a blogger who posts just to post but I know I have had the tendency to do that on occasion. I rather envy those who don’t write with any specific schedule in mind, just whenever they feel the urge to write.

Sometimes, I want to get back to my days of early blogging where I blogged whenever I wanted to. I didn’t adhere to a strict five-days-a-week schedule, or have this need to get a post up every weekday morning. All of my posts had some kind of meaning attached to them, even though nobody was reading.

That said, I started this blog to find my blogging voice and establish community. I never imagined making the friendships I have made through this space and they are so true and real. It’s hard to talk about these friendships to non-bloggers because they just don’t understand. They don’t understand how I can write a blog post, thinking I’m the only one who feels the way I do, and receive responses from friends who tell me they get me. They understand. They are on the same page. These friendships may not have been made in person, but that doesn’t make them any less real. Some of you have been more excited and supportive about my new job than my own family members.

But here we are. Two years after writing my first post for this blog. I’m in a much better place now than I was then. I’m happier, more secure in myself. I know exactly the path I want my life to take, but also know God’s plans have the tendency to be completely different. I know what I want out of life, and know I have to do Big Things to make it happen.

This next year will be a whirlwind. My life is changing, for the better. I am changing. And I have big plans for this blog. Plans to take it in a different direction, put the focus back on the reason I started this blog: to write.

I love this place I’ve created for myself and for the people who read this blog. I love that people see me as raw and honest. I love the friendships that I’ve made and the hard truths I’ve discovered about myself - and written about. I have as much - probably more - passion for blogging as I did when I started. It’s been an amazing two years, and I can’t wait to see what happens in another year with Stephany Writes. I’m sure it will be amazing.

Seven Links

So confession. I originally saw this meme on Amber’s blog and was already writing my own post when Callie tagged me in it. So, I’m now legit and here I go!

I’m identifying old posts of mine, using these categories:

• Your most beautiful post
• Your most popular post
• Your most controversial post
• Your most helpful post
• A post whose success surprised you
• A post you feel didn’t get the attention it deserved
• The post that you are most proud of

Your ‘Most Beautiful’ Post

Three Years. A post I put together at the last minute to honor the passing of my beloved first dog, Minnie. Minnie was such a big part of my life for so long and her death was hard. But I’m so glad she was mine for eleven years.

Your ‘Most Popular’ Post

Letters To My Future Husband: Hello, My Love. With 5,200 pageviews, this is easily my most popular post. I never imagined my first letter would receive such great feedback and visitors. If you Google, “letters to my future husband”, it’s the second link. Pretty cool!

Your ‘Most Controversial’ Post

On Why I’m Choosing to Wait. Honestly, I expected this post to be a lot more controversial than it turned out to be. Everyone was extremely supportive of me and understanding of my decision to wait until marriage to live together with my spouse and to have sex. It’s not a popular position to take, but it’s the one that feels the most comfortable to me.

Your ‘Most Helpful’ Post

Apartment Living: Downsizing. I really don’t do many posts I would deem “helpful”. I don’t know why, because surely, I have advice to give! This is one of my more recent posts, but is probably the most helpful posts I’ve ever done.

A post whose success surprised you

Points Plus. I wrote this post mainly for me, to get out all my thoughts on the new program on Weight Watchers and it has been my second most-viewed post I’ve ever written. Search engines still direct people inquiring about the program to my blog, which is pretty exciting.

A post you feel didn’t get the attention it deserved

This blog is not only a place for me to write, it’s also a place I’ve found community and comments are something that fuel me to keep blogging. I usually receive at least a few comments on every post. That said, there have been three posts that received no response whatsoever. Two of those being book reviews and I’m usually happy to receive any comments on those so it wasn’t a big deal. The third was a Reverb10 prompt that, for some reason, wasn’t well-received.

A post you are most proud of

On Losing My Dad. This was a hard post to write, but incredibly cathartic. I needed to write this. Not having contact with my dad is something that eats at me every day, but I’m slowly beginning to learn to let go and live without him.

 

And while I hate tagging people in posts, because I don’t want to leave anyone out, I’m going to do it anyway.

1. Melissa at Press Play
2. Linda at Curious Notions
3. Cait at Finding My Balance
4. Megan at Somewhat Voluble
5. Amy at Just a Titch
6. Steph Anne at Luxe Chandelier
7. Nora at Walking With Nora

And anyone else that wants to play along! Please do!

These Days…

 

...I am finally seeing the end in sight. After two hardcore weeks of writing and studying, the end is near. It felt as if my to-do list was so long but as I began to cross off assignments and submit my work, I could see the finish line. Currently, I have one final left. It’s a take-home exam consisting of a 1,500-word opinion essay, due Monday night. Once that is completed, I will have finished my last assignment of my college career!

...I am no longer doubting graduation. I have spent the last 4 months preparing myself for the worst: not graduating. It started with being in the wrong lab for my Spanish class and having to submit paperwork to get it changed. There were questions of passing Spanish. And then I began to worry that a major article I submitted would make my professor doubt my abilities as a writer, saying I haven’t learned enough in the past two years and couldn’t graduate. All worries were unfounded. I will pass all my classes and I will graduate.

...I find myself in awe of what will happen 9 days from now. Graduation. From college. It feels so surreal, since I was so close to graduation before, and it’s finally happening. I will have a Bachelor’s degree. It’s an amazing, amazing accomplishment. And I am so proud of myself.

...I am one of the few people chosen for the second round of interviews for a very special company I badly want to work for. The job is perfect for me, allowing me to utilize my degree as well as challenge myself, both personally and professionally. On Monday, I will shadow an employee at said company all day to get a feel for my responsibilities and the people I will be working with. I’m very interested in what Monday will bring!

...I am getting back into the swing of exercise after a long break. With my schedule, there just wasn’t time to fit in exercise and I found out how much I missed it. Yesterday, I went for my first run in a long time and it felt awesome to break a sweat!

...My Friday nights have turned into one of the best nights of my week: Bible study. My grandparents, two of the most knowledgeable people about faith I know, are helping my mom and I to understand who God is and what His promises are better. I am learning so much from this. I’m usually afraid to speak up in other Bible studies, for fear I’ll look incredibly stupid and naive. I don’t feel this way when I ask my grandma questions a girl who has been attending church since she was a baby should know. These nights are priceless.

...I feel so blessed when I think about blog friends. It’s been such a blessing to see how many of you are rooting for me and cheering me on with this whole job situation. Sometimes, I wonder if I should have waited until I knew whether or not I got the job, but then I know how fun it will be to go back through my Twitter feed and see what an amazing week this has been for me. Even if I don’t get the job, it was still worth it. And I have to give a huge shout-out to a girl I consider a best friend, Sam, who has been cheering me on since the beginning, calming my fears about finding a job and being excited for me about this opportunity. Everyone needs a friend like her.

...I can’t help but imagine life as a full-time employee, making a paycheck that will be a lot more than I’m making now (just a smidge over minimum wage, and I’m only working 20 hours a week). I’m imagining actually supporting myself and not having to come to my mom for every little purchase. But no, I have not (I REPEAT NOT) looked at websites to buy a car. Absolutely not. I would not do that to myself. Gosh. Why would you even think that?!

photo credit

A Facelift

You will want to click out of your readers for this one. My blog redesign is done! Ashley did such an amazing job with designing and putting up with all the mess I was giving her. (Seriously. I was like the Design Client From Hell at certain points.)

I cannot recommend this girl enough. She knows her design stuff, she’s affordable, and willing to try out anything you want. The process is long and detailed, making sure you are getting the design you want.

And even during my bad moments (like the time I said I might want to go back to a two-column layout after she had worked with the three-column layout for weeks. Luckily, I came to my senses before any damage was done.), she was super sweet and willing to do whatever I wanted.

Please, please check her out if you want a new blog design! She also does headers, invitations, business cards, etc.

In other news, I am up to my eyeballs in homework and finals. I have a Spanish final on Wednesday, the final draft of my short story due Thursday, and an intense take-home final due on May 2. On top of all that, I’m applying to jobs, which is a long and arduous process. I have a lot I want to blog about, but no time to do it.

But I’m graduating two weeks from tomorrow. And I’m so stinkin’ excited about my future, I can barely stand it.

Tell me, what’s going on in your lives?

2010: A Year in Review

If I take a look back at my resolutions for 2010, this year would be a waste. I attempted to achieve them, but didn’t even come close. Yet when I think of all I accomplished, whether I resolved to or not, I can’t help but think this was a pretty big year for me. It was a year fraught with sadness, challenges, excitement, and a lot of stepping out of my comfort zone.

In 2010, I…

• Created a stunning 18-page magazine. This was by far my biggest challenge of the first four months of the year. I spent hours upon hours trying to make this magazine the best possible. I took days off work and asked big things of some special friends. I began with 18 blank pages in Adobe In Design (a program I previously had never heard of until January) and created a magazine I am fiercely proud of.
• Watched my grandma conquer cancer for the second time. In January, my family was given heart-breaking news that my grandma’s colon cancer had returned. She battled another 12 rounds of chemotherapy and was declared cancer-free in October. Later, we found out that my grandma’s doctor thought this round of cancer would defeat her and also, that the type of cancer she got the second time around has a 2% survival rating. I would say God’s still in the miracle making business, wouldn’t you?
• Ended the relationship with my father. After close to 2 years of not speaking to each other, my father finally initiated contact via a Facebook message. I e-mailed him a letter, detailing all the ways he had hurt me in the past and how much I missed him and our relationship. His scathing reply back made me realize he was never going to change, he would never take responsibility for his actions, and it was time to end this volatile relationship. In June, I replied back with a much nastier e-mail. I had given myself 2 months to calm down from his reply but I had to make my feelings known, for probably the first time in my life. Losing a parent is heartbreaking, but losing a parent because they don’t want you in their life? I can’t even begin to explain the emotional toll it takes on a person. I’m still not even close to dealing with my feelings on this.
  
• Played caretaker to my mom after she was hit by a car. The scariest day of my life happened on August 13, 2010 when my mom arrived home a mere 20 minutes after leaving for a run with blood on her face and all over her clothes. We spent 5 hours in the ER that morning and she emerged with 18 stitches above her right eyebrow, a broken left elbow, a sprained right thumb, severe abrasions on her knees, elbows, and palms, as well as multiple bruises. It was a long healing process, including her using a sling for 8 weeks, unable to work her second job for 10 weeks, and having to take 8 weeks off running (which totally messed with her marathon training). She is now back to normal, but will always have pain in her elbow if she uses it too much.
• Had my first ER visit since I was eleven. August seemed to be the month of hospital visits for my family. While washing the dishes one afternoon, a glass broke and then sliced my thumb as I tried to throw it away. I spent about 2 hours in the ER getting x-rayed and then stitched up by the real Dr. McDreamy. (Seriously, I had some rather inappropriate dreams about him weeks after my visit.) But with that visit came a hefty $2,500 doctor bill.
• Visited Orlando twice. I only took two vacations this year and they were both to Orlando, which is about 90 minutes from me. They were fun getaways, even if I did deal with a sprained ankle during one trip. And, in November, I visited Disney World for the first time since I was a kid!

• Started running. I am still hesitant to call myself a runner, but I did take up this sport somewhat this year. Over the past few months, I’ve been running pretty consistently (2-3 times a week). It’s been a struggle most days but there’s no greater feeling of accomplishment than finishing a run or crossing a finish line.
• Became a blogger. This blog is my pride and joy. It’s been the one place I can be real and honest. It’s become my mode of therapy as I write down my thoughts for the masses. I went through a lot of blogger crisis as I try to figure out where I fit in this blogging culture, but I think personal blogging is where I belong. I don’t think I’ll ever give up on being completely honest and transparent about my feelings and I like that about me. It’s hard for me to be this honest in public, so these posts have been extremely cathartic for me. And the people I’ve met through blogging makes it all worth it. I have big plans to meet a bunch of you this year, some way or another.

2010 has been a big year for me, even if it hasn’t been the best year. I can’t wait to welcome in 2011 because it’s going to be an amazing, full year with my mom running her first marathon, graduating college, and dealing with my anxiety and thoughts and feelings through therapy. And I’m excited to bring you all along for the ride!

Blogger Book Swap, Pt. 2

I posted about this on Friday with some eager participants but few of the details worked out. I have some more concrete details and a form to fill out!

• A blogger book swap entails you receiving a book from another blogger, reading it, and then posting a review on your blog.
• This means you have to either purchase a book, or send your partner one from your own collection.
• The easiest way (for both you and me) to do this is to have me send you the name and address of your swap partner and you to send the book. (Alyssa is having bloggers near her send her the books, but we’re still going to combine all the participants.)
• Both U.S. and Canada residents can sign up! (I can pair up Canada residents to make it a little easier.)
• All participants must sign up by December 31.
• I’ll send out the name of your swap partner by January 5.
• You must mail out your book by January 23.
• You’re free to write your review whenever, but it should be done by the end of February. (I’ll have some way to link up here so people can read your review.)
• Fill out this form to participate! (Or click here.)

This Community

December 7th Reverb10 Prompt: Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Cali Harris)

Here. At this little blog. I can’t say I’m embarrassed or ashamed to admit that I have more online friends than real life friends. Or that they know me better and more deeply than even those who have known me for years do.

I worry a lot about meeting someone I’ve known from the blog world in real life because I fear the real me is a lot boring than it shows on my blog. It’s not that I’m fake on my blog, I’m just a lot more open and trusting with my words. Having this blog has been a sort of therapy. I have talked about some really tough issues and tried to be as transparent with you as I can be. I have a hard time doing this in my real life, so being able to do so here has been a blessing.

In doing so, I have met so many wonderful people. Some of you have become my closest friends and biggest supporters. I’ve learned so much about myself through this process of growing my blog. And reading your blogs has showed me a whole new world. I have learned so much from your blogs and I can’t wait to see what’s coming up in 2011 for all of us.

For 2011, my wish is to be more present in my community. While I’m not sure what the future holds after college, but I do know I want to be involved in whatever city I’m living in. Last month, I joined a book club group from meetup.com. I haven’t actually attended the book club yet, because I’m basically scared to death. But I will. I promise. (January? Can I wait until January?) And since they do more than just the monthly book club meeting, like movie and dinner dates, I know it would be a great way to get out there and start experiencing my community. I need to stop living in my bubble and step outside my comfort zone. While it’s easy living in my bubble, it’s also a little scary to think of all the opportunities I am letting pass me by because I’m not out there to grab them.

Tell me, what community would you like to be join in 2011?

On Blogging

I had an extremely long blog post written that I really hope you didn't read. It detailed my history of blogging and where I saw my blog going in the future. It was long. It was kind of melancholy. And I didn't like how I wrote it. 

Instead, I wanted to write more about my views on blogging and the type of blogger I want to be.

You see, I'm fairly new to this blogging thing. I began this blog in August 2009 and it's been my most successful blog by far. According to Google Reader, I have 132 followers (91 on Friend Connect). I receive double digit comments on most of my posts. And I have met some of my closest friends through blogging. I have received so much advice from readers, so much inspiration from other blogs, and so much goodness from this entire community. Starting this blog was, by far, the best thing I have ever done.

Maybe my name isn't out there as much as some other bloggers. I don't have any book deals pending, there are no mean websites started because of my blog, and my following is quite small in comparison to others. But I can't compare my blogs to others. I can only do as best as I can for me. I'm not sure I want to deal with the backlash bloggers such as Caitlin and MckMama have had to deal with because I am the epitome of a sensitive person. I'm happy with the following I've developed, although I think there's nothing wrong with saying I would love more followers. 

I've begun to realize that I need to get back to blogging for me, which is probably the worst thing you can do if you want to grow your blog. I want to stop needing to stick to a rigid five-day-a-week blogging schedule and spend hours a day commenting on other blogs. I want to write when I feel the need and have the time to do so. I want to be just fine with going days without checking my Reader. 

My three-week break was good for this. It made me realize that there is more to life than my blog. After all, if I don't experience life, what will I have to blog about? It also made me realize that I love and need blogging. I love my blog friends. I love reading about their lives and gaining insight. I love writing blog posts and receiving feedback. I want to grow my blog and eventually move it to its own domain name.

So where is this blog going? Good question. I don't have a firm answer. I want it to grow as I grow. I'm entering a very uncertain time of my life as I graduate college in May and have no idea what I want to do. My posting's may be erratic, or they may be structured. I may post one day a week or go an entire month of blogging every single day. I keep telling myself I need to figure out what I want to do with my blog because my readers are getting confused. But, honestly, are you all that concerned about how much I'm posting? I don't think so. (Unless, of course, I go three weeks without blogging!) You all have your own lives and blogs to be concerned about.

So there you have it. Not a very clear answer. I want this blog to grow, for sure. But I also want to grow myself. And I'm beginning to see that I just need to blog for me, and worry less on what everyone is thinking about me. Because frankly, you guys have stuck around for a lot of my whiny posts, non-posts, and blog hiatuses. I think you're here to stay.

Photo credit: x, x

It's Been A While

I didn't mean for my break from blogging to last as long as it did, but I must say I'm glad to be back. I needed to get away from my blog and writing for a while, away from a rigid three-day-a-week or five-day-a-week schedule to figure out where I want my blog to go. I feel more secure now.

A lot has happened in the past three weeks.

• I ran my sixth 5K the Thursday before Halloween. Since I was only on Week 3 of Couch to 5K, I wasn't expecting a great PR. I just hoped to run and enjoy my time there. I did that. I didn't set a new personal record. In fact, my time was the exact same time as my previous personal record, which I got from my 5K in April. 44:54. How I managed that, I'll never know. But since it beats the time of my 5K in September, I'll take it! I'm signed up for a trail run on November 21st and ready to smash that 44:54.
  
  
• My blog has changed. I was growing sick of my current design and needed a change. I contacted Designer Blogs about one of their premades and it was installed within a week! Check them out if you want a design. They do custom orders! I added a little race section to my sidebar, which includes my PR's (which are not all that impressive, but they are mine), as well as my upcoming races.
  
  
• I received a lovely letter from a blog friend that uplifted my spirits and made me realize why I have a blog. She mentioned some key facts that have helped me to figure out where I want my blog to go. She said all the things I had been thinking in the back of my mind but was too afraid to voice.
  
  
• I registered for my last semester ever this past week. Well, as an undergrad, although I'm 80% sure I'm not going to attempt grad school. The semester should be an easy one, a fun one, with very little stress. I'm taking Spanish II and Senior Seminar, which are both required. I also signed up for Twentieth Century Literature for my exit course (another required course) and Form and Technique of Fiction, which was the filler course I needed to keep my scholarship. I'm super excited about those last two classes. I think they're going to be fun!
  
  
• I decided to quit my internship. There were a lot of factors leading to this decision but suffice it to say, I'm at peace with it and it was something I had to do. I've only been working there for 3 hours on Wednesdays. My last day there will be November 17 and it will definitely be a bittersweet day.
  
  
• I recently became a contributing writer for the website, Blissfully Domestic. It's a fun little writing gig and allows me to let some creative juices flow. It also gives me a place to have my name in print online, which is always a plus. Check out my first article here, where I talk about writing.
  
  
• I have discovered that it's OK to spend a day or two without checking my Google Reader. The world won't end and the bloggers won't hate me. Sometimes, sanity is more important than popularity. That being said, I love reading blogs and there is so much I derive from your stories, tips, and inspiring notes. And I am never fully away from the blog world. It has captured me.
  
  
• I have oodles and oodles of blog post ideas floating through my head. I can't wait to share my recent epiphanies, funny stories, and moments. The break was much needed, but I also realized my blog is also much needed.

Identity Crisis

Lately, I haven't been happy lately with my blog. I haven't been happy with the posts I've been creating. Sometimes, I wish I was more comfortable with posting when I can, not having to stick to a specific schedule. Then I do that, and wish I was on a schedule again. It's a bit of the "grass is always greener" debate.

So which is better? Blogging five days a week, with the majority of these blogs being non-posts? Or blogging when I feel the need to write?

I'm just not sure. Even now, while writing this post, I'm being attacked by thoughts to not post this.

Maybe I take blogging too seriously. Maybe I'm overthinking this. I just don't know.

So I'm giving myself a break from blogging. Most likely, you won't hear anything from me for the next 2 weeks. I need time to reevaluate where I want this blog to go. I need time to focus on my family and school. I need time to breathe. (I will still bombard your Twitter feed - don't worry about that.)

I do know that I love blogging. I have not lost my fire or passion for this blog. I'll be back, hopefully with some better posts and a more sure idea of who I am as a blogger.

Comments closed.

The Unbloggables

As you well know, I'm pretty open on my blog. I talk about a variety of topics, ranging from weight struggles to religion. I don't play it safe most times and I really try to let you see my heart through my postings. But there are certain topics I will not talk about on my blog, the unbloggables. (And yes, it is a word!)

• Family. While I'll celebrate the good times with my family through blog posts, I will never air our dirty laundry to the blog world. I think it's distasteful and when it comes to extended family, I don't feel like it's my story to tell. I have learned from hard experience that airing your family's dirty laundry is never a good idea.
• Work. I work at a preschool where I'm legally obligated to live by the axiom, "What happens at preschool, stays at preschool." While I would love to show you pictures of these sweet munchkins who have completely captivated my heart, I can't. And while sometimes I need a place to vent about workplace strife, I won't. This is not the place for that.
• Internship. I try to be as discreet as possible when I do talk about my internship, never fully delving into exactly where I work or the kind of work I do. A lot of it has to be kept in house. Again, not the place.
• TMI stuff. I don't really enjoy reading TMI postings, especially sexual exploits and the like. There's not too much happening in my life that would involve a TMI post, anyway. Unless we want to talk about having to go to the bathroom during the middle of a run or that very special time of the month. Not happening.
• Politics. The big reason why I don't talk about politics on this blog is because I feel so uneducated on the subject. I know talking about politics can bring the ugly out in some people and, honestly, my heart can't take it. I take things way too personally so mean comments would destroy me. Plus, I like Obama and I'm not of the mind that bashing our president is helpful.

What are some of YOUR unbloggables? Does your list look anything like mine?

Two Game Nights, Two Sets of Twins, and a Lazy Sunday

I don’t typically do weekend recap posts, mainly because my weekends usually consist of a lot of sleep, blog reading, and cleaning. But this weekend was drastically different. I actually did stuff. It felt great.

Friday night was, by far, one of the most fun nights I’ve had in a very long time. Here’s the short back story: Tamy is a good, good friend of our family who used to baby-sit my mother and her brothers when they were younger. She used to live in St. Pete. Tamy then went on to marry and have her own kids. My mom baby-sat for her kids. My mom went on to marry and have my brother and I. One of Tamy’s daughters, Talyse, baby-sat for us. The last time I saw Talyse, I was five years old. About a year or so ago, we all reconnected on The Facebook. Then I found out Talyse has a BLOG! So while this isn’t technically meeting a blog friend (since she’s actually a real life friend, first), it was my first experience of meeting someone via the blogosphere. Everyone always talks about how meeting someone whose blog you read is different than meeting someone any other way because you know them already. This statement is totally true, social disaster that I am. I felt immediately comfortable and at ease with Talyse and meeting her babies felt like meeting celebrities I just read about weekly! There they were – in person! (And, ohmygod, they are adorable. I just wanted to gobble them up.)

We spent some time with the babies, who are amazing miracles born at 29.5 weeks. They spent 55 days in the NICU and are just proof of God’s grace and mercy of how far they’ve come since then. They’re 18 months now and so darn precious. Kyran is the flirt and has no problem attaching to other people. He’s silly and goofy and cuddly. Karyssa is a lot more reserved than him and is very shy. Surprisingly, she warmed up to my mom rather quickly – proving that she’s still got it. Karyssa was still a little unsure about me, but Kyran became my new BFF within 5 seconds so it’s all good. 

Once the babies were asleep, and by asleep I mean she simply put them in their playpens and walked out of the room, it was time for games! For the next four or so hours, we played Apples to Apples. We had a good-sized group of 7 people, which I think makes the game a lot more fun. I’ve been wanting to play this game but we never have enough people to play it the right way. There are a lot of 4+ games we can tweak to make them 2-person or 3-person games, but A2A is not one of them. Anyway, it was such a fun game! I had a blast with reading the ridiculous answers, giving ridiculous answers, lobbying for my ridiculous answers, and laughing way too much. My face and sides hurt from all the laughter!

We didn’t leave the condo until 12:30am, which is LATE for me. I felt like a wild woman! Since my mom had to be at work early in the morning & Talyse and everyone was leaving to travel back to South Carolina the next day, we had to pack it in early. (Well, early for all normal 20somethings.) It was a fun night and I wish Talyse lived around here so we could visit more often. Just having a few hours was not enough.

I slept in until 12:30pm on Saturday, which felt AWESOME. We ended up having my 15-year-old cousins come over for a game night, which was loads of fun. I love these girls fiercely and I don’t spend as much time with them as I should. They’re growing up and are so much fun to be around. We can be totally sarcastic with one another in one breath, and in the next, totally deep and introspective with our thoughts. My mom and I want to make this a more common thing and have made some plans for the future. They are awesome girls, with the same issues and thoughts that most fifteen-year-olds are dealing with, and I just want to be there for them when they need a soft place to land.

We ordered pizza. (Yes, I had pizza two nights in a row.) And then settled in for a night of games. We played Buzzword, Mad Gab, and Clue. We also talked a lot. I think they needed a night like this, so I’m hoping to do it more and more so they know they have my mom & me if they would ever need anything.

Sunday was a lazy day, where I talked my mom into skipping church and going out to breakfast. And then we basically watched some TV, read, and napped. I love Sundays were you can just be lazy and recharge from the weekend to get ready for a busy week ahead. It felt wonderful.

I’m starting back at my internship this week, working for 3 hours, 2 days a week. I’m excited to get back and feel the energy and challenge from the projects again. And I miss the atmosphere and people! It’ll be nice to not be so lazy every day. I’m looking forward to it, even if it does mean missing out on afternoon naps.

Truth

"Want to know about a person's Bible reading and prayer life? Don't ask him, correct him for something and see how he reacts."

An old pastor of mine tweeted this the other day and it came at the perfect time. The blog I'm about to write is extremely personal to me, admitting my faults and the fact that sometimes, I'm just a 10-year-old trapped in a 22-year-old's body.

A few weeks ago, I posted a blog that deeply hurt a friend of mine. When I posted it, I thought it came across a bit snarky and was a little unsure of posting it. But I posted it. And now I regret it.

The thing is, I want my life to glorify God. I want people to look at me or hear my words and just know there is something different about me. I feel it when I read certain blogs. I can just feel Jesus' light shining through their blog. And sometimes, while most people know I am a Christian, they may not view me as such - especially by the language I sometimes use when I'm upset or the words that come out of my mouth.

One of my biggest pet peeves about faith is that we're not authentic enough. I don't want my life to reflect that of someone who doesn't have my faith. I want to stand out. I'm not interested in living a mediocre life. I want my every word, action, and thought to be centered around Christ. I want my day-to-day life to be filled with Him. I want to be changed. I want to be broken.

But I'm scared. I'm scared of what God has planned for me. I'm scared of what that might do to the plans I have for my life. I'm scared of what it takes to truly step out in faith.

After I posted that blog, I apologized to the friend. And she sent me an e-mail back. The e-mail was cutting but loving. I felt condemnation, but no judgment. I felt so disappointed in myself and so incredibly sad at how I managed to screw things up. I reacted like a ten-year-old girl, replying to the e-mail with my own snarky one.

She is my sister-in-Christ and while the e-mail was so hard to read, she said things that I needed to hear and things I didn't want to hear. She stepped out in faith and let me know how she felt, no holds barred. She wasn't PC about it and didn't give me a 'fluff' e-mail. She told me like it is.

I think we need that in our life. We need someone to tell us when we aren't glorifying God with our life. It's not about judgment (which is a word, in my opinion, that gets tossed around way too much) but about being a sister. Being someone we can count on to give us the truth, but also someone who will lend a hand to pick us up when we fall down.

I want to be more like her. I want to be firm in my faith and know exactly who I am in Christ. I want to be able to mentor younger Christians and be able to tell them when an action is taking them further away from God. I don't want to be scared of the truth anymore, nor of letting other people know the truth.

The truth is, I needed to hear it. I needed someone to tell me point-blank, this is not Christlike behavior. I don't want to be another Christian who says one thing, yet does another. I want to glorify God with my blog. And maybe not every post is going to be as "deep" and "introspective" and "godly" as this one but I had to get this out there to let this friend know that I am sorry and I respect her for standing up for her beliefs. Letting me know that the God she believes in would not approve of that blog post.

I honestly don't know if I'm getting my thoughts across in the right way. If not, I'm sure y'all will tell me so in the comments. And to this friend that I hurt, I'm sorry. And thank you. Thank you for being straight with me. Thank you for being a light and showing God's love yet justness in a firm way.

Finding My Niche

I haven't been very happy with the way I've been blogging lately. I feel like I'm straying farther and farther away from the essence of this blog and more into "What can I write that will get me a lot of comments?"

It's a horrible way to blog.

When I first started blogging, it was just because I liked to write and I liked having a way to document my thoughts and feelings about what was happening in my life. I never received comments and the only person I knew who read my blog was my mom.

But now I have followers. I receive comments on every blog post. I have made friends through blogging. I have given and received advice. I have debated over religious and political viewpoints. I have found a blogging community where I belong.

I love that part of the blogging. I don't love what my (minor) popularity has done to my blogging. I remember Shalay writing a post about this last summer. It was a great post that sums up all of my thoughts in her hilarious blunt way.

See, I'm trying to figure out where I belong exactly. I'm not in a relationship of any kind. I'm not planning a wedding. I'm not a newlywed. I'm not married. I'm not a mother. I'm not pregnant. I'm not trying to become pregnant. I hate cooking. I suck at designing and decorating. I'm not training for a marathon. I don't care about fashion. I'm not interested in sharing every mundane detail about my weight loss efforts. I'm not living abroad. I don't have an interesting job. I can't talk about anything that happens at my job on this blog. I can't talk about anything that happens at my internship on this blog. I'm not living on my own. The only bills I pay are my credit card bills. I live with my mom. I'm not moving out any time soon. I'm not moving to another state for a job. I'm not interested in missions work (yet). I don't travel. The finest restaurant I eat out at is Carrabba's.

Frankly, my life is boring. I work, I go to school, I'm in an internship. I have a healthy relationship with my mom. I have few friends and no social life to speak of. I watch way too much TV and take naps whenever possible. I'm a homebody.

I'm trying to figure what type of blogger I want to be. Am I a seven-day-a-week blogger? A three-day-a-week blogger? A one-day-a-week blogger? A once-every-other-week blogger?

I know I want to go back to the basics of blogging again. I want to get back to writing. I want to write about my thoughts and feelings again. I want to stop completely meme's and participating in every weekly feature I can find. I want to start honing my writing skills and this blog is the perfect place for that.

Maybe my niche is that I don't have a niche. I'm just a blogger. I'm just a blogger who is trying her hardest to break into the publishing world, has doubts about every aspect of her life, and loves her family more than anything in this world.

Some things are going to change around here. And I hope you all stay along for the ride. I promise it'll be worth it.