Marathon Weekend - Marathon Sunday

Sunday was an early wake-up call. I’m not even sure I can classify it as Sunday morning because it felt more like Saturday night. I slept fitfully but woke up a little more energetic than last year so I was happy. Our alarm went off at 2:15am and from there, my mom and I quietly got ready. The night before, I had laid out all my clothes, taken a shower, and packed up my backpack with all our necessities (hotel key, park pass, Kindle, blanket, food, drinks (which I put in the morning of), flip-flops for when it warmed up, socks and Vaseline for my mom, and the spectating guide of where to go for each checkpoint, to name a few things). I woke my brother up at 2:45 and we were all ready to go by 3:00.

It was only about 54 degrees when we left the hotel and we were all happy, saying how nice the weather was. FAMOUS LAST WORDS! I dressed in a long-sleeved T-shirt, big hoodie, skinny jeans, socks, boots, a hat, and mittens. I felt overdressed for the weather but didn’t care. I was warm so I was happy.

Once we arrived at the race site, we had 45 minutes - 1 hour to wait until my mom had to be in her corral. So we parked ourselves on the ground near a tent and didn’t say much, just watched the other runners getting ready and taking pictures. Around 4:15, two of my mom’s co-workers popped bye to say hi. They ran the Goofy Challenge this year (running the half-marathon on Saturday and the full marathon on Sunday) and then the three of them left to find their corrals. Pictures were taken, “good luck”’s were exchanged, and then my brother and I headed over to the Mile 4 viewing area which was about a five-minute walk from where we left her.

Mhm, that is a blanket. It was 50 degrees and she was wearing shorts.

It was only about 4:30 then and we had at least an hour to wait until the race started and a good two hours until she would pass us. The viewing area was PACKED but we found a spot and I sat down on the blanket and read on my Kindle for most of the wait time. Unfortunately, the weather started dropping until it was 50 degrees and FREEZING. I don’t know how I handled the low thirties last year because I was so incredibly cold while waiting. This part is the worst of marathon spectating because there’s not much to do, it’s super crowded, and nothing is happening. It’s all very boring.

But soon, the race started! Fireworks go off as each corral is “let loose”. There were about 14,000 people racing the marathon so there were a LOT of people to view. At the Mile 4 marker, you can see the runners taking off but they are on the other side of the street so unless your runner is wearing a blinking Tinkerbell costume (yes, there was), you probably won’t be able to see them. It’s very congested and very difficult to distinguish between the runners. So we patiently waited for the runners to come down the other side. It was very slow going to watch as the leaders ran by and then the other 3- and 4-hour marathoners ran by. I knew my mom would be somewhere in the 6-hour pacings but I enjoyed watching all the other runners, especially the ones who dressed up. There were a couple of dudes dressed in princess dresses, lots of runners dressed as Goofy, and even Papa Smurf - right down to blue body paint. I mean, I don’t think I could run a marathon dressed normal -- there is no way I could do it dressed as a character!

We finally saw my mom pass Mile 4 and she handed us her jacket, gave us both a quick hug, and was off! At that time, she was running a little ahead of her goal pace (she wanted to finish in 6 hours) and was looking strong and happy, so I felt a lot of relief!

 
We could see the runners on the monorail. So awesome!

From there, my brother and I hopped onto the monorail that would take us to Epcot where we would see Mom pass at Mile 9. It was pure madness finding a spot to view the runners at each stop and this one was no difference. Luckily, all you have to do is park yourself somewhere and once the person in front of you sees their runner, they leave and you get their spot. I was able to get a great photo of my mom as she stopped for a quick break, telling us she was doing terrible (pace-wise). I handed her two Twizzler’s, told her she was awesome, and off she went!

My brother and I then walked over to Mile 12.5 to await her arrival. Last time, we got crazy-lost while trying to find this spot so I asked a volunteer this time around and was given perfect directions. We still had at least 45 minutes until we would see her so we sat on the grass a little farther away from the runners. At this point, my feet were killing me so I was happy to relieve the pressure on my feet. (Although I know my mom’s were hurting MUCH worse!) When we saw her at this mile, she stopped for a bit to switch out her socks and slather Vaseline all over the bottoms of her feet. Last year, she got terrible blood blisters at the bottom of both her feet a little over halfway through the race so we had made this plan in advance.

And now the next time my brother and I would see my mom was at the end so we got into an incredibly long line on the monorail to Epcot. Once at Epcot, my mom texted me that her leg was seriously hurting her and she didn’t know if she had it in her to finish. This wasn’t like my mother at all so I was pretty worried at this point. She decided to keep going until she got pulled out. From there, my brother and I got a little snack at Epcot and had a great viewpoint of the runners closing in on Mile 26. While there, Mom texted me “5.2 until I FINISH” so I knew she was going to finish the race.

Around noon-ish, I found a place to sit and watch the runners come in. It was so neat to see them finishing up, especially when they heard the finish line was right around the corner. And there were quite a few runners who stopped before the finish line to get a frozen margarita. Ha! I found this hilarious. :) Also, my mom got beat by a blind power walker. Now that? That is impressive! It took a while but my brother and I finally saw her come down the path to the finish! She looked happy so I snapped a quick picture and then we headed out of Epcot to go to our meeting location.

And here she is! Two-time marathoner! I think she looks super hard core in this photo!

My mom had pretty bad knee pain during the last half of the race, which made it basically impossible for her to run at all. She’s never had any kind of knee pain so it’s very odd. She pulled her hamstring muscle sometime in November and though she’s been using a heating pad and gotten two sports massages to try to heal it but it’s been a persistent pain that isn’t going away. That bugged her, too. Other than that, she’s doing great! Her legs feel good and while she did get two blisters on her feet, they are nothing compared to last year.

In any event, this is most likely my mom’s last marathon. This one took a LOT out of her mentally, fighting through the urge to quit. Marathons are no joke and she doesn’t think she has it in her to train for another one. Half-marathons are her sweet spot and I think she’s going to focus on those and improving her speed.

In any event, she ran two marathons. That’s an incredible feat for anyone and no matter if it took you 3 hours or 7 hours, it’s still amazing. As is she.

Marathon Weekend–Saturday

It’s Saturday night and the nerves are starting to set in – for both my mom and me. I always get super nervous when she races.

Today was an early wake-up call for us as we were going to Disney World for the day! The last time I was at Disney was a little over a year ago on my birthday but before that? It had been at least ten years. Crazypants! I think I felt “too mature” for Disney. Luckily, there was this great deal where you spend $99 and get a three-day pass to the park (or spend $128 and get a three-day park hopper pass which allows access to all four Disney parks) so we jumped at the opportunity, since it will allow my brother and I a place to chill while waiting for Mom to finish her race.

Anyway! Today was about Disney – and most especially, experiencing Disney through my nephew’s eyes. Today was his first day at the park ever and being that he’s pretty obsessed with all things Disney (specifically Mickey Mouse and Toy Story), he was in heaven. He was mostly concerned about seeing Mickey but, unfortunately, we never made it over to his meet-and-great area. He did see Pluto, Pinocchio, and Buzz Lightyear. (He was too scared to go up to Pluto and Pinocchio but took a GREAT picture for Buzz!)

We spent about seven hours at the park today and barely covered two of their lands. Disney World is so huge, there’s no way you could do all you want to do in one day there. We did do a few fun things – the carousel, the teacups (which he LOVED!), the Buzz Lightyear ride (My master zapping abilities were impressive. At least to me.), and the Winnie the Pooh ride, to name a few.

As a sidenote, I saw a lady bring her tiny, tiny baby on the teacup ride. The baby couldn’t have been more than two months old – and I think I’m giving him a few weeks on that age. WHY WOULD YOU TAKE A NEWBORN TO DISNEY WORLD… MUCH LESS ON A SPINNING RIDE? I just don’t understand this! Even if you don’t use the spinner, it still goes pretty fast for a BABY. Weird.

We had a fun day, though! It was so neat to experience the park through the eyes of a three-year-old. When we arrived, there was a parade of all the characters coming through and the utter glee and astonishment on his face at seeing them all was priceless.

We arrived back at the hotel around 6:00pm and my nephew was zonked out. My brother and sister-in-law left to pick up a pizza and the rest of the night consists of playoff football, eating, and kicking back. My self-imposed bedtime of 7:00pm is flying out the window so now I’m hoping to make it to bed by at least 10:00pm. That will give me… oh, four hours of anxiety-ridden sleep? Sounds like fun!

I’ll be back for the MARATHON recap tomorrow! I will be tweeting up a storm all morning long so be prepared for the onslaught!

Marathon Weekend–Friday

Hello, hello, from Orlando!

I have wanted to get better at documenting my life on my blog. When looking back on my blog from the past year for my yearly recap, it was apparent I don’t blog too much about my everyday life – especially as it relates to trips I take. Not that I’m jettisoning off to different exciting locales every other month, but I hope to begin traveling more now that I’m done with school and my life has calmed down a lot.

But that’s not what this post is about! Today, I left work at 1pm so my mom and I could begin our trek to Orlando for marathon weekend!

The trip up wasn’t bad at all. We had stopped before beginning the drive for lunch, gas, and to pick up a package at the apartment. My mom drove (since I’ll be driving home. Something about having tired legs from running 26.2 miles?!) and we arrived a little before 4:00pm.

We checked in, found our room, and relaxed for a little less than an hour. My mom was anxious to get to the expo. While our stay here is pricey (we’re staying at the Animal Kingdom Lodge), it’s worth it for a) easy transportation to and from the race site and b) views like this:

We headed down to ESPN’s Wide World of Sports for the race expo. It was smooth sailing there, from picking up her bib to getting her tech tee and swag to strolling around the expo. It wasn’t as crowded and hectic as last year, possibly because we went later in the day? I also forced my mom to buy something. Last year, she didn’t buy anything and you just cannot run a race like Disney and not buy something at the expo. Am I right? She bought a shirt from a ministry called Team 413, a Christian charity that ministers at endurance events. Pretty, pretty cool.

And somehow, my paths crossed with an old friend from my days as an education major in college. Divine intervention that from all the thousands of people who are running this weekend and the hundreds at the expo, our paths our literally cross right in front of each other! We had a ton of education classes together and she was a really close friend of mine in college. We’ve somewhat kept up with each other but it was so neat to see her! She’s running the half tomorrow (go, Kim!).

We left the expo, hopped back on the bus to take us back to our hotel, and then left to hit up Premium Outlets. It’s an outlet mall with a ton of name-brand stores that is an absolute must whenever I visit Orlando. I spent $35 and bought a new cover for my Kindle (I have a case, but it’s not as sturdy as my other one so I wanted something to carry it in) from the Vera Bradley outlet, as well as a scarf and hat from The Loft outlet. I’m not the best at bargain shopping so I was stoked.

(I also saw a fairly popular blogger at the Lululemon outlet but was way too shy to go up to her and introduce myself. We’ve somewhat chatted on Twitter off and on, but I felt really awkward, especially surrounded by all those runner/yogi types in the store. Sigh. Will I ever grow out of my social awkwardness?)

After the mall, my mom and I headed to Outback Steakhouse for dinner. It was packed but the wait wasn’t too bad, especially for a Friday night. And our service & food was delicious. Seriously, my mom and I have such bad luck with service so we’re especially grateful when the waiter actually does his job.

And now, it’s 11:15 and I’m in my jammies, writing this blog post. My plans for being more well-rested for marathon day are flying out the window, I believe. Tomorrow, my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew are coming up here in the morning and we’re all going to spend the day at Disney. I’m pretty excited as it will be my nephew’s first time! And I just love Disney.

I’m off to bed now, hoping to get some good sleep before an insane two days that are ahead of me. Thanks for all your words of encouragement for my mom, they really mean a lot! She still has a lot of nerves (who wouldn’t?) but she also has a lot of excitement, too. I hope I can find time to blog before Sunday but if not, I’ll update on Sunday night!

Have you ever seen a blogger in public but were too shy to approach? I’m not alone in my social awkwardness, am I?

Marathon Weekend

Today, I am working a half-day at work and then it’s off to Orlando for marathon weekend!

Not mine, though. HA! My mom is running her second marathon on Sunday. I hope to find a way to blog throughout the weekend and most definitely will be tweeting up a storm on marathon day!

Last year, I spectated at the Walt Disney World Marathon  and it was a blast. I made a lot of mistakes as a first-time marathon spectator but spectating at this marathon is not like spectating at other marathons, nor is it for the faint of heart.

I’ve compiled a list of mistakes I made last year and what I’ll be doing differently this time around. Last year was miserable for me. I want a different experience this year.

MISTAKE #1 - Not getting enough sleep the night before

The first bus that takes runners to the race site leaves at 3:00am. There are other buses that leave later but I read some horror stories from people who waited for the later buses. Getting to the race site is utter chaos and my mom has enough anxiety about making sure she has enough time to get settled once she gets to the race site that we try to make the first one. So it’s an EARLY wake-up call on race day. Last year, we slept in on Saturday and then didn’t get to bed until pretty late. Well, my mom and my brother did. When I was still awake after midnight, I decided it would be harder on my body to get just two hours of sleep than to just stay up so I stayed up. THIS WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA. I was cranky and overly emotional due to my lack of sleep. Also? Really, really really tired.

THIS YEAR, I am going to institute an early wake-up call for both my mom and me on Saturday morning and then? I’m hitting the sack at 7:00pm! I do not do all-nighters. I want to be as well-rested as possible to make it through the following day. (I also didn’t end up sleeping well the following night due to my mom having terrible blood blisters at the bottom of her feet and me freaking out she would have to have her feet cut off and I would have to take care of my crippled mother. Yes. I had nightmares. I never said I was normal.)

MISTAKE #2 - Not buying a ticket to a park or the spectator package

Spectating at a RunDisney event is a vastly different experience than spectating anywhere else. For one, you have to depend on trams and trolleys to get you to specified destinations throughout the course. And for another, unless you buy a special spectating package or a ticket to one of the theme parks, your options for food and drink are severely limited. As in non-existent. The spectating package was expensive but did allow for more access to places around the course and a place to sit down and EAT. If we had a ticket to a park (like Epcot, which was where the runners run through around Mile 9), we could go in there for food and drink and a place to somewhat relax. (After Mile 13, there’s nowhere else to see the runners until the finish. DISLIKE!) We could also hop back ON the bus that would take us back to our hotel where we could either find something to eat there or go out somewhere. But I was nervous about how long it would take us to get there, eat, and come back in time to see my mom finish so we ended up staying at the race site which, in hindsight, was a TERRIBLE idea. But I don’t think I was operating on all cylinders last year...

THIS YEAR... we are all buying park tickets! My brother and sister-in-law are buying annual passes and my mom and I are taking advantage of an awesome “3 days, $99” deal. We can spend 3 days at any Disney park, one of which will be Sunday. (I’m buying the Park Hopper so we won’t be limited in what park we can stop in while we wait during the marathon.) And then we have two more days until May we can come back! I like this idea a whole lot!

MISTAKE #3 - Not having any food or drink to fuel me for the upcoming 9 hours

Oh, this was the biggest mistake of all. Somehow, I didn’t pack anything in my bag so far as nourishment was concerned. I think because I expected my brother and I to head back to the hotel after we saw Mom at Mile 13, I didn’t even think to bring a snack or anything while we waited. And need I remind you we got to the race site a little after 3:00am and didn’t leave until close to 1:00pm? I was a Grumpy Gus, that’s for sure! I do not function well when I’m hungry. The worst part of this marathon is that it’s very hard to find somewhere to eat. (Plus, I was nervous about not seeing my mom finishing so was at the finish line area way earlier than we needed to be.) I’m actually very surprised my brother was still speaking to me after everything I put him through that day. Hehe.

THIS YEAR... I am definitely filling up a backpack with food and drinks to get my brother and I through the first part of this journey. (I’m not sure when my sister-in-law and nephew will be joining us but I imagine not until later in the day.) Then, hopefully, after seeing my mom pass Mile 13, we can stop into a park and get something to eat and relax for a little until we head on over to the finish line to see her finish. Obviously, I am very concerned about eating this time around.

MISTAKE #4 - Not dressing warm enough

It was in the low thirties that day, which is pretty freaking cold for this Florida girl. I wore a pair of jeans, running shoes, a long-sleeved shirt, and a lightweight hoodie. It was not anywhere near warm enough for me. I was basically an icicle from the time I stepped off the bus to the time we got back to the hotel. It never really warmed up enough (especially with the wind) for me to ever feel fully comfortable. I felt really bad for my brother who had on a pair of long shorts and a big hoodie. He doesn’t get cold easily but he was chilled to the bone, too.

THIS YEAR... the weather is looking much nicer. The lows are in the upper 50s and highs in the low 70s. I’m also going to make sure to bundle up and bring some blankets for the morning part (fifty degrees in the middle of the night feels way different than fifty degrees in the afternoon!). But I think the weather is going to play nice this year. And since my mom would prefer to run in the heat than in the cold, she’s especially happy. 

MISTAKE #5 - Not having enough communication with my mom

My mom decided against carrying her phone with her for the race. She didn’t want it weighing her down but it also meant my brother and I didn’t have any communication with her. It wasn’t so bad in the beginning since we were able to see her three different times, but it was AWFUL from Mile 13 on, since there were no places to view her (unless we bought park tickets) until the end. For some reason, even though I set up to receive text alerts when she passed certain points, I never got any so I had to keep refreshing the website on my phone to see where she was. There was always a huge lag between updates (like HOURS!) so it put me in a constant state of worry and paranoia something was terribly wrong.

THIS YEAR... my mom is definitely carrying her phone on her. (I even bought her a Spibelt for Christmas since her other belt was more bulky.) I am not going through THAT again. She’s also set up her Facebook and Twitter feeds to update and I’m going to have myself, my brother, and my sister-in-law all set up to receive text alerts. ONE of those ways has to work, right?

Even though this seems to be a major complain-y post, I am so freaking excited to do this all again. I know I’ll be better prepared and she’s better trained. We know what mistakes we made last year and we have learned our lessons from them. Aside from the lack of spectator spots towards the latter half of the course (seriously, Disney, WHY?), it was so much fun to spectate at this marathon. It’s a fun marathon, not one most people run for time, and what better way to inspire a person than to see people FINISHING A MARATHON? I know my mom is going to crush her time she set at last year’s marathon.

She’s entering into a very nervous “can I really do this again?” time right now. So, if you can, leave her some words of encouragement in the comments or reply to her on Twitter (seriously, she’ll LOVE that!). I can’t believe that in three days time, my mom will be a TWO-TIME MARATHONER. That’s crazy to me!

Ten Days of Thanksgiving - Day 2

I’m following along with Lisa over the next ten days, detailing ten things I am thankful for this year.

Today, I am thankful for my nephew.

Last night, my nephew came over for a sleepover since my mom is watching him today. (His day care is closed because of Veteran’s Day and my brother and sister-in-law needed someone to watch him.)

My nephew is at a great age. He’s developing an insanely funny sense of humor. He’s more independent and communicative. And he is just so much fun to be around. He’s always been fun to be around, but he seems to get even more fun the older he gets.

This morning, I got up and came out into the living room to see him playing. The minute he spotted me, his eyes lit up and a big smile spread across his face. He immediately rushed over to me, gave me a big hug and a kiss. Those moments? They melt my heart.

There’s something about being an aunt that is special. My nephew has two other aunts and they have a closer relationship with him. It used to upset me that I’m probably never going to have a relationship with him like they do. Whenever we’re all together, it’s usually to them he goes to first. But I comfort myself in the fact that we have a different kind of relationship. And I comfort myself in the fact that we will always have a relationship and I will always be that aunt he can come to for a joke, a laugh, a smile.

I always knew I would love being an aunt. I knew I would love seeing my brother as a father. But I never knew how he would become such a force in our life. Or that life before him would seem so plain.

Being an aunt is one of the best gifts my brother has ever “given” me. It’s been such a wild ride and I just can’t wait to see this amazing little person grow up!

Tell me, what is one thing you’re thankful for today?

My Favorite Boy

Today, my sweet nephew turns three years old.

Three.

It’s insane to think it’s been three entire years since he entered this world and completely changed our lives.

Every new age and stage becomes my favorite. And age two has been delightful. His personality has developed and he’s become more feisty and funny. He’s stubborn and the spitting image of my brother.

For some reason, I was always really worried he wouldn’t develop a good sense of humor. I’ve known too many kids who cannot handle being teased, but this kid can dish it out and take it. His sense of humor is something I love most about him and I especially love how we already have our little inside jokes. I can only imagine we’ll develop more and more as he grows up.

He loves taking pictures and always seems to find my camera when he’s over our apartment. He snaps photo after photo after photo. They’re usually pretty blurry since I always make sure the flash is off because he likes to take photos of himself sometimes. He’s actually a pretty good photographer, which makes me wonder if it’s something he’ll develop a passion for later in life, or if it’s just something fun to do for now. He’s started doing this thing where he takes a photo of one of us, turns the camera around to look at the screen, and then show the picture to us, saying, “Aww!”

One of my most favorite developments of this past year is watching the relationship between him and my mother grow. When he was a baby and toddler, he would usually cry whenever we went to see him. It was heartbreaking, although he would usually calm down after a few minutes. And now? He loves coming to our apartment. He loves titi abuela (as he calls her) and is incredibly possessive of her. He absolutely loves talking on the phone with her and she puts her heart and soul into taking care of him when he’s over. He takes a bubble bath every single time he comes to visit. (Every. Single. Times.) I mean, I always knew I had the best mother in the world but now I know my kids will one day have the best grandmother in the world, too.

In every new picture I see of him, all I can think is: he’s a boy now. He’s not a baby. He’s lost the babyness in his face and I can already tell he’s going to be lanky and tall like my brother. I always thought the baby age would be my favorite and while that age is pretty amazing in its own right, this age is also pretty awesome as well. Being able to talk to him on the phone, laugh with him, and play crazy made-up games with him is something I never really thought of when I heard I was going to be an aunt. But it’s the most amazing part of all this.

Being an aunt is an amazing job. I knew it would be a fun gig, but never knew it would be this fun or fill my heart with this much joy.

Are you an aunt? What do you love most about being an aunt?

He’s Still the Best

Today, a very special guy in my life turns 25 years old.

My brother is one of the good guys. He’s dedicated, loyal, and passionate. He’s responsible, caring, and funny. He’s not one to blame others for what life has given him and always steps up when he needs to. And I get to call him my brother.

We are just 14 months apart so we grew up as each others’ best friend and worst enemy. We had terrible fights and I don’t know how my parents dealt with our bickering without tearing their hair out. But we had incredible times together. Times spent playing MarioKart and Donkey Kong on Super Nintendo, with a big bucket of popcorn by our side. Staying up on Christmas Eve, playing board games and doing whatever we could to stay awake but never failing to fall asleep before 3:00am. Watching TV shows together with our Little Debbies nightly snack. Walking to the bus stop together. Letting him talk me into skipping school.

It’s only been recently that I’ve realized what an impact my brother has had on my life. My father has been a bad influence on me, my self-esteem and self-worth. But my brother has done just the opposite. He’s been there for me, always has my back, and is the one building up that self-esteem and self-worth that my dad left in shambles. He knows exactly what I went through with my dad as he was right along for the ride, too.

We have a strong connection, the two of us. Our inside jokes are aplenty and make no sense to anyone but us (as all good inside jokes do). We can talk football for hours, but have also had some very deep conversations. We seem to have broken the Fantasy Football Fight curse that happens to us every year, but we still have our moments. We are both incredibly stubborn so put two stubborn people in a fight and you’ve got a losing battle.

One of the most extraordinary things about my brother is his relationship with his son. Ten days from now, my nephew will turn three years old. (No, I’m not ready to talk about it yet. I’m pretending this is not happening.) I’ve been able to see my brother hold his baby and feed him for the first time, so nervous about what to do and how to hold him. I’ve seen him rough-house with him, discipline him, and get frustrated with him. I’ve seen them laugh together and he is always ready with stories of new things he’s doing. He is the most proud of that boy and I am most proud of him as a father. I see none of my own father in him, even when he gets frustrated with his behavior. My nephew is so lucky to have someone like him as a father. He will never have to go through what we went through with our father. (And I also can’t say enough about my sister-in-law as a mother. She’s pretty fantastic in her own right, which means my nephew is THE luckiest child.)

Today, my brother turns 25 years old. It’s crazy to think of all we have been through and how close we remain to this day. I know his life has taken a different path than he envisioned, but I also know he doesn’t let life get him down. He’s one of the most positive forces in my life and I can only hope he knows how much he means to me.

Happy birthday, bro. You’re still the best.

August 13, 2010

One year ago today, I was brushing my teeth at 6:00 a.m., almost ready to leave for work. It was a Friday and it was the last Water Day of the summer. I wasn’t looking forward to how crazy it would be.

One year ago today, I heard my dog whining and pawing at the door but shrugged it off, thinking he probably thought he heard something. I continued brushing my teeth.

One year ago today, I heard my mom open the door and didn’t think anything of it until I heard her say my name at the bathroom door. I turned around, took one look at her, and promptly spilled all the water and toothpaste that was in my mouth as my mouth open wide in shock, as her face and clothes were covered in blood.

One year ago today, I heard my mom say the words, “I was hit by a car. I think I need to go to the emergency room.” Words I never expected to hear, even with all her early morning runs outside.

One year ago today, I drove my mom to a deserted emergency room where we were quickly seen. There were tests to be run, police to be called, and information to be given. Once it was clear this wasn’t a hit-and-run and my mom had left the scene willingly (she was scared out of her mind and it still irks me that these people who hit her didn’t force her to stay or at least give her their information), the police left and it was simply a case for the doctors.

One year ago today, I breathed sighs of relief as my mom was cleared of any head trauma or internal injuries. I watched a surgeon put 18 stitches above her left eyebrow. I winced as the cuts on her hands, elbows, and knees were cleaned and bandaged. We found out she had broken her elbow.

 

One year ago today, I took my mom home after 5 hours in the emergency room. I watched her stumble and fall while I tried to get her into the house. I watched her eyes roll back into her head and never again do I want to be that scared.

It was the scariest morning of my life and what followed were weeks of taking care of the household and my mother. But when I think about what August 2010 could have been like - scheduling her funeral, learning to live life without a mother -, I feel so blessed and thankful God granted me this opportunity to show my mother how much she means to me.

I think about today. August 13, 2011. It could have been the one-year anniversary of my mother’s death. When I think about all we have been through in the past year - my graduation, our cruise, countless moments together, all the moments watching her be a grandma to my sweet nephew - I just can’t imagine what this year would have been like if it had been without her. One of my biggest fears in life is losing my mother. She is more than a mother to me. She is my best friend, my rock, my confidante, my support system and biggest cheerleader, the person who still picks me up when I fall down and never fails to cheer me up when I’m sad. Even thinking about going through this world without her is unbearable.

 

It’s been a year. One full year exactly since my mom was hit by a car. She celebrated by running 8 miles this morning and then attending a Weight Watchers meeting where she finally got back to her Lifetime status. I’d say she just came full circle.

A Very Special Birthday

Today, my mom turns another year older. One year closer to 50. (And before you can hate me for that, Mom, you don’t look a day over 35!)

In one year, my mom...

• Has been hit by a car, resulting in a broken elbow, a laceration above her eye (causing her to get 18 stitches), multiple deep cuts on her elbows, hands, and knees, a bruised thumb, and bruises galore.
• Completed her first marathon
• Ran two other half-marathons and a handful of other races, including two 5K’s that she walked while still nursing her broken elbow. (She wore her sling to those races.)
• Went on an amazing vacation with her favorite child daughter, exploring the countries of Grand Cayman and Cozumel.
• Watched her favorite child daughter graduate from college.
• Dealt with many blows and setbacks that would knock down a lesser woman, but she always managed to brush herself off and land on her feet.

My mom has had a year of ups and downs, but she’s somehow managed to come out on top. She was hit by a car, yet managed to keep on training when she was cleared to run and finish her marathon - with a freaking blood blister on the bottom of her foot for 11 miles. And while she’s now more cautious where she runs, she hasn’t let it slow her down. Coming back from her injury was tough, but she did it and is now training for a four-race series that includes a 5K, 10K, 15K, and a half-marathon in the space of four months. And you know what? If anyone can knock those races out of the park, it’s my mom.

Most people who read my blog know that I consider her my best friend. She’s the first one I talk to when I have good news, the first one I cry to when I get bad news. She’s the one I spend the most time with and someone I can be completely myself with. She loves me on my bad days and that’s the true testament to unconditional love. Truth is, I love hanging out with my mom. We get along great and while I know the time is coming when I have to embark on life by myself, I’m enjoying this time for what it is. And enjoying making a deeper bond and connection with the one who gave me life.

Today, my mom and I are leaving for a fun weekend in Orlando. She never seems to do much for her birthday, but I have basically forced her hand with this. She needs some time away from reality and recharge. Happy birthday to my biggest supporter, best friend, and all-around all-star mother! I love you!

On Losing My Dad

I’m having trouble writing down the right words to say about coming up on one year since I wrote an e-mail to my father that would end our relationship.

I want to write that I’m moving on and I’m learning to live without him. That I’ve put the past behind me and he no longer has the power to hurt me anymore.

But those words wouldn’t be true.

I miss my dad so much that I can barely keep my head above water most days. While I said I have ended our relationship, I would do anything in the world to have reconciliation with him. I look at girls who have amazing relationships with their fathers, and I always wonder where we went wrong. Why he couldn’t be the dad I needed him to be. Why I couldn’t be the daughter he wanted me to be.

When someone you love hurts you, it can be easy to play the negativity game and think of everything they ever did to hurt you. I could make a long list of everything my dad has done to bring me down, destroy my self-esteem, and cause me to doubt myself. That’s an easy list to make. But then there’s the list that makes me nostalgic for the fun times we had together and long for him to be back in my life.

• He was never afraid to be silly, even in a public setting. He would sing along to the Italian music at Olive Garden, pretend he had a lame foot while picking me up from school, make silly faces at me while at the mall.
• He was the best at playing games. Our favorite was Blind Man’s Bluff which featured a pitch-dark house and one blind-folded person trying to “get” the other people. It usually featured my dad, my brother, and I and he would always make loud noises in one area of the room, but you could never find him. This is one of my fondest memories of him.
• He once bankrupted both my brother and me on the purple properties of Monopoly. Yes, those are the cheapest properties on the board. “Bankrupt on Baltic” became one of the key phrases for us during that game, and for games afterward. (And now I always buy the purple properties in the hopes this will happen for me.)
• He remains one of the funniest guys I know. He had the best personality and was always finding ways to turn any situation into one of laughter. He is witty with one-liners and silly phrases and I like to think I inherited this wit of his.
• I have never felt more safe, loved, or protected than those times I was wrapped up in his arms.
• He is a fantastic cook, some of his specialties being chicken tacos, chicken on the grill, and hamburgers. I have so many good memories of being over at my uncle’s house with him cooking a delicious meal on the grill and helping him with preparing the side dishes. And the food was always mouth-wateringly good.
• He is friendly and outgoing and personable. Everything I am not. He puts everyone at ease and can make friends with anyone within 5 minutes of knowing them.
• I always remember having the best time when I was with him. He knew how to play like a kid, but also be a parent. I remember hours spent in the pool where he would toss us around and let us ride on his back. Playing tennis and bowling and board games. He knew how to have a good time.

I want to remember the good times with my dad. I’ve spent so many months only remembering the bad things. I need to move past it. I need to learn to have mercy on him. He has nobody around anymore. He has lost his kids, lost his family. He can’t hold down a job and his gambling addiction, penchant for lying, and alcoholism is the only thing that keeps him company at night. It’s a sad life to lead and I can only hope he has sought help and one day will reach out to me.

I miss my dad with more intensity than I ever thought possible. And the minute he wants to come back into my life, I will be waiting with open arms and an “I missed you, Daddy. I missed you so much.”

Three Years

Minnie was a surprise.

I didn’t believe my mom at first when she told my brother and I that we were getting a dog. It was something I had hoped for, wished for, but never really believed it would happen. Secretly, my mom and my dad had been visiting the local SPCA shelter and already had the paperwork to prove that Minnie would be ours soon.

I was in fourth grade, my brother in fifth. I remember leaving school early, driving to the animal shelter to pick her up. She was beautiful. She sat on my mom’s lap as we drove home and immediately found her spot on a blanket laying on the floor the moment she walked into the door. In that moment, she stole all of our hearts and we would never be the same.

Over the next 11 years, Minnie was one of the best friends I’ve ever had. She slept in my bed every night, taking up as much space as she could. She would greet us at the door with something in her mouth, be it a shoe, a sock, or a receipt, anything laying by the door. She liked hugs and kisses after being away from us, but was always content to lay in her bed while we watched TV.

She was a good dog. We could walk around in a public park without a leash on her and she would stay by our side, no matter what. My dad trained her and he did an amazing job. We could let her outside in the front yard and she would never leave, only scratching at the door when she was done. She would sit by the door and stare us down when she had to go outside. Sometimes, it would get so uncomfortable that we would leave in the middle of watching TV to take her out.

She was easily frightened by loud noises and yelling. Dutch is the total opposite, looking at you disdainfully when there’s yelling. Minnie always thought the problems lie with her so she would slink down real low, tail behind her legs, offering her apologies when most times, she wasn’t the one at fault. It was the most pitiful thing.

In April of 2008, I was giving Minnie a hug and petting her when I noticed her throat felt like there were two lumps. I had my mom feel them and we set up a doctor’s appointment right away. The vet didn’t have good news. Shaking his head and tsk-ing, he let us know that Minnie had most likely developed lymphoma. At best, she had 2 years left and that’s if we pursued surgery and chemotherapy. He gave her a shot to “help with the pain” but I know in my heart, it was the wrong decision. Within a few hours, Minnie was different. Lethargic, unhappy. She wasn’t the same.

We took her to a specialist, who confirmed our fears. She had lymphoma. Chemotherapy could help, but it wouldn’t prolong her life for more than two years and there wasn’t any guarantee of that. So we made the tough decision to let her live out the rest of her days, until her quality of life diminished too far. Those next two weeks were the hardest of my life. It was so tough to see her go from a lively, fun dog who would greet us at the door full of energy, jump on the couch to cuddle while watching TV to a shell of the dog she was. She had a spot on the floor she only moved from to go outside. Every step she took was painful and every night, she would moan in pain. I don’t know how I could go through that again. I don’t know how it didn’t absolutely kill me from the inside with her. 

It was June 8, 2008 when we decided we had to do what was best for her. We took Minnie to an emergency pet center to put her down. It was so difficult to hold her in my arms, a 25-pound sick dog, knowing this would be the last time I held her. The last time I looked into her furry face and saw my love reflected. When we went home, she would not be there for the first time in 11 years. I couldn’t be in the room when it happened. I left a split second before it happened. I hate myself for that. I hate that I left her. I hate that I couldn’t be there in those final seconds.

Minnie was an amazing dog. I feel blessed that she was my first dog and attached herself to my heart so solidly. I knew it would be difficult to replace her, but Dutch has done his part in restoring my heart. Still, Minnie will always be that first dog, the first one who taught me what love looks like.

Twenty-Six Point Two

Well, the weekend is finally here. On Sunday, my mom is running her first marathon. She may not be prepared in the traditional sense of getting in the mileage she needs. (Her longest run has only been 13.1 miles.) But she’s prepared in the mentally. While she had to take a good 7 weeks off her marathon training to recover from her accident, the minute she got the OK to run, run she did. She’s kept up steady mileage since October. She’s ready.

We’re leaving today at lunchtime for Orlando where we’ll check into our hotel and then head over to the race expo. It’s going to be crazy over there this weekend. There are over 20,000 people signed up for the marathon. That’s nuts! Every hotel is booked and I know it’s going to be annoying to find somewhere to eat on Saturday night. (Especially Italian restaurants!) I’ve never been to a race expo so it’ll be neat to experience it all!

Saturday will be a fun day of sleeping in and hanging out around the hotel. We’ll keep it low-key since Sunday’s going to be insane. My brother, sister-in-law, and nephew are coming up on Saturday night to support my mom during her race. I am so, so, so excited they’re coming and I know it’ll give her the extra something-something she needs to finish her race.

Sunday is going to be crazy. We have to leave the hotel by 3am and head over to the park. (She starts at Epcot.) My brother and I will get to see her four different times during the race: at the beginning, at Mile 4, at Mile 12.5, and at the end. Luckily, the Walt Disney World Marathon has an excellent spectator guide so I was able to print off where I could spot her and how to get there. It’s a little bit different from a regular marathon since she’s running through all the different Disney parks, so it’s very helpful to have this information. My SIL and nephew will join us at the end.

I am so incredibly nervous for my mom. She’s scared of being pulled out of the race because her pace isn’t fast enough, although I think she’ll be OK. She has to maintain a 16-minute mile pace and she’s been averaging 13-minute miles lately. She’s hoping to finish  in 6 hours.

Our other big concern was the weather. Last year, it was 26 degrees. For wimpy Florida folk like us, that is cold. We were anxiously awaiting 10 days until the race so we could finally check the weather. It started pretty scary with a low of 43 degrees and a 20% chance of rain. But it’s gradually worked it’s way up to a low of 53 degrees, although the rain chance remains the same. As a spectator, I am thrilled. I don’t function well with cold weather but I can definitely handle 50-60 degree weather.

It’s an amazing accomplishment and I cannot wait to see her cross that finish line and prove to herself how much she is capable of.

I’ll finish with the quote that was featured in Runner’s World daily e-mails, "You can never be sure. That's what makes the marathon both fearsome and fascinating. The deeper you go into the unknown, the more uncertain you become. But then you finish. And you wonder later, 'How did I do that?' This question compels you to keep making the journey from the usual to the magical.” (Joe Henderson)

x, x, x

2010: A Year in Review

If I take a look back at my resolutions for 2010, this year would be a waste. I attempted to achieve them, but didn’t even come close. Yet when I think of all I accomplished, whether I resolved to or not, I can’t help but think this was a pretty big year for me. It was a year fraught with sadness, challenges, excitement, and a lot of stepping out of my comfort zone.

In 2010, I…

• Created a stunning 18-page magazine. This was by far my biggest challenge of the first four months of the year. I spent hours upon hours trying to make this magazine the best possible. I took days off work and asked big things of some special friends. I began with 18 blank pages in Adobe In Design (a program I previously had never heard of until January) and created a magazine I am fiercely proud of.
• Watched my grandma conquer cancer for the second time. In January, my family was given heart-breaking news that my grandma’s colon cancer had returned. She battled another 12 rounds of chemotherapy and was declared cancer-free in October. Later, we found out that my grandma’s doctor thought this round of cancer would defeat her and also, that the type of cancer she got the second time around has a 2% survival rating. I would say God’s still in the miracle making business, wouldn’t you?
• Ended the relationship with my father. After close to 2 years of not speaking to each other, my father finally initiated contact via a Facebook message. I e-mailed him a letter, detailing all the ways he had hurt me in the past and how much I missed him and our relationship. His scathing reply back made me realize he was never going to change, he would never take responsibility for his actions, and it was time to end this volatile relationship. In June, I replied back with a much nastier e-mail. I had given myself 2 months to calm down from his reply but I had to make my feelings known, for probably the first time in my life. Losing a parent is heartbreaking, but losing a parent because they don’t want you in their life? I can’t even begin to explain the emotional toll it takes on a person. I’m still not even close to dealing with my feelings on this.
  
• Played caretaker to my mom after she was hit by a car. The scariest day of my life happened on August 13, 2010 when my mom arrived home a mere 20 minutes after leaving for a run with blood on her face and all over her clothes. We spent 5 hours in the ER that morning and she emerged with 18 stitches above her right eyebrow, a broken left elbow, a sprained right thumb, severe abrasions on her knees, elbows, and palms, as well as multiple bruises. It was a long healing process, including her using a sling for 8 weeks, unable to work her second job for 10 weeks, and having to take 8 weeks off running (which totally messed with her marathon training). She is now back to normal, but will always have pain in her elbow if she uses it too much.
• Had my first ER visit since I was eleven. August seemed to be the month of hospital visits for my family. While washing the dishes one afternoon, a glass broke and then sliced my thumb as I tried to throw it away. I spent about 2 hours in the ER getting x-rayed and then stitched up by the real Dr. McDreamy. (Seriously, I had some rather inappropriate dreams about him weeks after my visit.) But with that visit came a hefty $2,500 doctor bill.
• Visited Orlando twice. I only took two vacations this year and they were both to Orlando, which is about 90 minutes from me. They were fun getaways, even if I did deal with a sprained ankle during one trip. And, in November, I visited Disney World for the first time since I was a kid!

• Started running. I am still hesitant to call myself a runner, but I did take up this sport somewhat this year. Over the past few months, I’ve been running pretty consistently (2-3 times a week). It’s been a struggle most days but there’s no greater feeling of accomplishment than finishing a run or crossing a finish line.
• Became a blogger. This blog is my pride and joy. It’s been the one place I can be real and honest. It’s become my mode of therapy as I write down my thoughts for the masses. I went through a lot of blogger crisis as I try to figure out where I fit in this blogging culture, but I think personal blogging is where I belong. I don’t think I’ll ever give up on being completely honest and transparent about my feelings and I like that about me. It’s hard for me to be this honest in public, so these posts have been extremely cathartic for me. And the people I’ve met through blogging makes it all worth it. I have big plans to meet a bunch of you this year, some way or another.

2010 has been a big year for me, even if it hasn’t been the best year. I can’t wait to welcome in 2011 because it’s going to be an amazing, full year with my mom running her first marathon, graduating college, and dealing with my anxiety and thoughts and feelings through therapy. And I’m excited to bring you all along for the ride!