Intentions, the 3.12 edition

February Goals, Recapped:

• Track my food daily. I would say I tracked my food about 50% this month. Definitely not where I wanted to be and I’m still not in the habit of tracking every day, even those ugly days where I go over my allotted points by a lot. It’s something I still need to work on.
• Continue limiting soda. I am very pleased to say this goal is going amazing. I have finally put my foot down and told myself I cannot have any soda Monday - Saturday. Sunday is my cheat day so I’m being lenient on this day, but still want to limit my intake. In any event, I am doing so well at this goal, it makes me giddy. Since I’ve been slowly cutting it out of my life for a while now, I haven’t experienced any withdrawal symptoms, only some extreme cravings for carbonation. This one gets a big fat check mark and it may be the first time I’ve ever been able to do so.
• Start making to-do lists. Utter fail. I’m terrific at doing them at my job, not so much at home.
• Budget! I’ll mark this one as complete. I’ve been doing much better at budgeting. This month was a windfall of money with my tax refund and a surprise bonus from work so I was able to pay off my cruise deposit and book our excursions, as well as give an initial deposit for my second cruise in June. I’ve started using Jenny Blake’s Four-Step Budget Template, which works so well for my needs.

March Change: Track my food

Yes, this was my goal for February’s “12 Changes in 12 Months” but I decided it doesn’t make all that much sense to go forward with a new goal when this one is the cornerstone to what I need to work on. To lose weight, to learn to eat healthier, you must track what you eat. I’m not at the point in my journey when I can eat intuitively and since I’m carrying around an extra 30-odd pounds, this is a change I need to hammer into my skull.

Three Small Goals:

• Write for 20 minutes every day. I have fallen off any sort of writing routine these past few months. (Aside from my blog, of course!) For someone who wants to someday be a published novelist, leaving the words in my head isn’t helping matters. I need to force myself to create a routine and put my novel back on the forefront of my goals.
• Get my eyes examined and order new contacts! I’m a little overdue for my eye exam (and I love the eye doctor so this is one doctor appointment I am looking forward to!) and I’m ready to take the plunge back into the world of contacts. I wore them constantly all through high school and most of college, until I got too poor to afford them. :) And then I just enjoyed wearing glasses. But I’m getting to the point where I want to wear contacts again so this is one goal I’m looking forward to achieving!
• Make a weekly to-do list for home. Lauren had a great post about beating your Sunday night blues (SNAS? It’s a real thing.) One of her tips was to make out a to-do list for the week, things that aren’t pressing to complete, but will give you that little nudge of satisfaction for getting them done during a busy week, as well as setting one intention for the week. I love this idea. I need something to keep me motivated to not turn into a sloth once 5:00 hits every night and this might be the perfect prescription for it!

Intentions, the 2.12 edition

I gave myself four goals for January. One was my big goal for Twelve Changes and the other three were smaller goals to work towards. A recap on how I did:

January Goals - Recapped:

• Drink less soda, more water. I’m not where I had hoped to be by the end of January, but I’m in a much better place than I was a month ago. I never buy it at the store to have at home and can only remember two instances (for the entire month) that I had it at work. For me, this is major progress. I would only have it when I went out to eat, although there were quite a few times I would stick with water. I’m not saying I went into this thinking I wouldn’t make it to where I hoped to be, but I knew this would require more than a month to “get”. But I’m moving more steps forward than back and I can’t see myself backsliding now.
• Set up an exercise calendar and stick to it. I consider this a major WIN. I’m already doing great with my exercise (a post about this is in the works!) and I think I’m doing well with keeping my workouts varied. Usually, I go for a run three times a week (using Jeff Galloway’s method) and then another 2-3 times a week, I’m at the gym doing some form of cardio (usually the stationary bike), the rowing machine, and then 20 minutes of strength training. I want to keep up an exercise calendar because it’s a good way to see my progress throughout the month and keep me motivated.
• Turn off all electronics by 9:30pm. Ehh? I wasn’t all that focused on this goal, to be honest. I have been better lately about getting to bed at a decent hour (read: before 10pm) which happens some nights and doesn’t on other nights. Still, I want to get better at this. Ideally, I want to start my bedtime routine (including quiet time!) at 8:30. I’m taking baby steps to get there.
• Set up all doctor appointments. Let’s see, the grand total of doctor appointments I set up this month? A big, fat zero. I had big plans to at least make an appointment with a general physician but that didn’t happen. Right now, my company has been trying to find a new insurance so I’m waiting in limbo until this is decided on.

My February Change: Tracking

I had a few options in mind for my February goal. I wanted to take the easy route, if I’m going to be honest. Stick with budget or getting into a better bedtime groove. But I knew I wanted to focus the beginning part of this year on my health. When I stop and think, put the fears behind me and focus on what I want to get out of 2012, I knew there was only one option: tracking.

One of the biggest cornerstones of healthy living is knowing what you’re putting in your mouth. Tracking every single morsel of food you eat. I don’t think I’ve ever been in the habit of doing this and I can tell the weeks I am consistent with my tracking, I feel more in control, more stable, and my weight drops. When I don’t, I spend my week feeling guilty and filled with thoughts that I will never get to my goal. Isn’t it funny how we do things to ourselves that don’t make us feel good? But feelings of guilt are so normal for me that they feel more comfortable than the good feelings. And therein lies the kicker. Guilt, fear, out of control. Those are terrible feelings. But those are the feelings I am more comfortable with. They are the ones I can wrap my arms around and hug close to my chest, because they have been there for me*.

This month, it’s about tracking what I eat. I have a handy app on my iPhone where I can quickly input my food daily and know where I stand with my daily, weekly, and exercise points. (It even reminds me to track my breakfast lunch, and dinner!) I know I can make this a habit, as long as I stop giving myself leeway when I don’t know the points value of a food or I overindulge at a meal. And I want to start seeing me use less and less of my weekly points because I tend to use them all up, and then start needing to use exercise points (which I don’t like to touch).

Three Smaller Goals

• Continue limiting soda. I’m doing much better at this goal, but I’m still not where I want to be. My ideal is to not drink any caffeinated soda and stick to light-colored liquids like Sprite when I do. My focus right now is to get to where I’m only having it when I go out to eat. I want to try to count up how many times I have it during the month and continue knocking down that number every month.
• Start making to-do lists. I can be very unmotivated to do much at home. Yes, I’m twenty-four and my mom still does most of the cleaning in our apartment. That’s ridiculous. Every Sunday night, I want to make a to-do list for the week to keep me from being the lazy slob I tend to be.
• Budget! Oh, money. I have no concept of what it means to save. Seriously. I need to get smarter about this. My goal for this month is to start using a budgeting spreadsheet (any recs?) and begin to save. I think if I get smarter about knowing where exactly my money is going and stop spending money willy-nilly, I will start feeling much more in control of my finances.

*That paragraph? I didn’t expect to write that. I just got to writing and the words came out. These words. I’ve been struggling to find these words for the longest time, to explain why I have gotten to this place of being overweight and overeating. There’s always a “why” and it isn’t because you just like food. I finally have the answer to the root of the problem. There is a freeing, overwhelming feeling in that. I’m going to go cry now. I have waited so long to find these words.

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The winner to my giveaway of Night Swim is AMBER! Amber, I have your address and I’ll be sending it off today so be on the lookout for the book!

January Intentions

My word for 2012 is health. While that encompasses more than just my physical health, I want to spend the first few months of 2012 focusing on that. To be honest, even though 2011 was a great year for me, I ended it very disappointed in myself for not being able to lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle. I was disappointed because I know I can do better. I know I have what it takes to step away from my unhealthy habits but it’s a hard thing to do, to completely change your lifestyle. And since I don’t want to end 2012 on that same disappointing note, I’m taking this year to focus solely on this. Not because I think I need to be skinny to be happy, but because I know I need to be healthy to be happy.

I’m also participating in “12 Changes in 2012” where each month, we focus on one thing in our life we want to change. It can be something big or something small, anything you want. There is no judgment, no condemnation. We’re all in this together and we want to encourage and strengthen everyone else. For my first change, I was originally going to choose to cut out soda from my diet. I know I drink way too much of it and it’s terrible for me, but I think there’s more that needs to happen than just “quitting Coke”. I need to get to a point in my life where food and soda is not my sole reason for happiness. I can actually go into a funk and get very moody if I have a day where I’m not going to drink Coke or the only thing I packed in my lunch are healthy options. (For the record, I know this partly has to do with not finding healthy options that excite me. Hopefully one day they will but right now? Greek yogurt and fruit and salad is very meh to me.) 

I do want to limit my soda intake (ideally 1-2 times per week) but more so than that, I want to drink more water and train my mind that soda isn’t the pathway to happiness. I have days when I don’t drink any water at all, which is a terrible thing, especially as it relates to my diet, my skin, and my exercise routine. I know based on your weight and exercise routine, there’s a specific amount of water we should shoot for every day but I don’t want to give myself a number. I just want to begin to drink water more than I drink soda. I want to end my addiction to Coke and the best way for me to do that is slowly work it out of my life.

I know I can hit this goal with no issue - as long as I don’t drink soda at the rate I have been drinking it. And I know I need to stop buying it while grocery shopping or having change on me to get a soda while at work. I know once I start limiting the number of times I have soda a week, the cravings will decrease and my body will start craving water. And I think it will do wonders for my energy levels and skin. And since goals work best if they’re specific and measurable, I’ve broken this change into 4 weeks:

Week 1: Drink only water at work. Sodas at dinner time, if goal is met.

Week 2: Two days a week without any soda at all.

Week 3: Four days a week without any soda at all.

Week 4: Drink soda only twice a week, at most.

(I also want to briefly mention that I do have a little tumbler with a straw that I use at work to drink water. I know this is a popular tip to give anyone who wants to drink more water, so any other tips would be greatly appreciated!)

Along with my “12 Changes” goal (which is a big one!), I also want to set some other intentions for January:

• Set up an exercise calendar and stick with it. Although I’m doing awesome at exercising 4-5 times a week, I know I need to amp up the intensity of my workouts to see more results. As such, I think penciling in what I want to do during the week for exercise will be very beneficial to this goal.
• Turn all electronics off by 9:30pm. This is a tough goal for me, but I really want to work on shutting off the TV, powering down my laptop, and putting away my iPhone by 9:00 to develop a better bedtime routine and make sure I’m getting to sleep at a decent hour. Ideally, I want to do this by 9:00, but baby steps.
• Set up all doctor appointments. Now that I have my insurance cards, I have no need to wait! I need to set up an appointment to get my eyes checked (& order new contacts! I haven’t used contacts solely for a few years now and I think I’m ready for them again!), to see a gynecologist (dun, dun, DUN!), to see the dentist (2008 was my last appointment. Um. Oops?), and to see a general practitioner who can then hopefully set me up to get blood work because I’ve never had blood work done and I want to make sure everything is ok in my body.

So that’s January for me. It’s a brand new month of a brand new year, although I know we can make changes any time of the year, there’s nothing like a fresh start of a new year. I want 2012 to be the year I focus on my health and I think all my goals for January are leading me to that.

Do you have any goals for January? Are you participating in “12 Changes”? What is your big change for this month?

Goals for 2012

New Year’s Resolutions get a bad rap, I think. People either hate the word or the feeling of “Hey, new year, new me!” I don’t look at resolutions/goals that way. I have made New Year’s Resolutions for the past few years and it always fills me with such hope and excitement to spend the last part of the last month of the year envisioning what I want out of the coming year. I know I won’t attain each and every one of them but I do know I will try my best each and every month. I also think people don’t set attainable resolutions or stick with them throughout the year, because they get discouraged so easily by doing too much too soon. I’m a big goal-oriented person and I think of resolutions as long-term, yearly goals. And as my good friend, Melissa, pointed out in a comment, it’s not realistic to make every goal you set for yourself. The fun part about making goals/resolutions is trying to achieve them but learning a whole lot about yourself in the process.

Without further ado, here are my 2012 Resolutions (or Goals, if you prefer). I have a lot and they’re all broken into categories. I know I won’t achieve them all, but I’m going to have a grand time trying! 

Health and Fitness

> Get to my happy weight (ideally 115 lbs) 
> Run an entire 5K in under 36 minutes
> Exercise 4-5 times a week 
> End my addiction to soda 
> Get up-to-date on all doctor visits 
> Give blood at least 3 times 
> Run the Turkey Trot 10K in November

Money

> Pay off all credit card debt
> Try as best I can to never keep a balance from month-to-month on my two credit cards 
> Pay off my ER visit bill 
> Set aside 5% of every paycheck into my savings account

Blog/Social Media

> Switch Stephany Writes to self-hosted Wordpress, with a brand-new design
> Take one break from all media a month, whether it be for a day, a weekend, or a week
> Have a weekend away with special blogging friends

Writing/Reading

> Write and edit a novel 
> Read one non-fiction book a month
> Read 75 books

Other

> Fly on an airplane 
> Fully immerse myself in the online dating world 
> Find my faith again
> Join a book club, Bible study, or some type of social group

Do you set resolutions or goals for the coming year?

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2011 Resolutions: A Look Back

Completed Resolutions

> Graduate from college: Three cheers for a super big, life-list-if-I-made-list-lists goal achieved! The beginning part of my 2011 was crazy, filled with anxiety and worry I wouldn’t graduate on time or somehow my professors would begin to think I hadn’t learned enough to graduate. Luckily, I slipped through the cracks and got my degree!

> Begin working a full-time job, utilizing my degree: I would say this was the biggest goal on my list and I thank God every day that I found a job less than three months after graduating. And that it’s an amazing job with plenty of room for growth and professional development.

> Read 60 books: Check! Last night, I finished my 70th book. Finishing 71 total is a possibility but I exceeded my expectations with this goal.

> Travel: While I didn’t travel all over the world (or even step foot on a plane...), I’m still marking this goal as complete as I left the country for the first time ever. My cruise was the brightest part of my year and I look back on it with such fondness. I also made it up to Orlando a few times this year.

> Join a book club: I’m going to mark this as complete because of #twookclub and #SummerofHarry! Reading through the entire Harry Potter series with fellow bloggers and chatting about it every Thursday night was so much fun and I decided to bring it back in the form of a Twitter book chat. The group is bigger than I ever dreamed and I’ve met so many great people from it. We’ve only had one chat so far but it was amazing and I cannot wait to see what 2012 brings for our book club!

> Pay off all my credit cards: I’m marking this resolution as complete, even though it isn’t 100% complete. I’m still much closer to this goal of being credit card debt-free than I was a year ago. Of the three credit cards I have, one of them will be paid off (and then removed from my account) in January. The other two were paid off... until Christmas.

Resolutions Not Completed

> Run a half-marathon: I’m not sure if a half-marathon will ever be a possibility for me (I have weak ankles...) so while I tried training to run the Irongirl Half-Marathon, it just didn’t happen. (I ran the 5K instead.)

> Complete Project 365: I tried this twice in 2011, both horrific failures. I started this project over on my birthday and doing much better at capturing special everyday moments so I’m hoping I can keep it up this time!

> Get to my goal weight of 115-120 pounds: Not. Even. A. Little. Bit. Close.

> Begin therapy: This wasn’t a possibility due to not having health insurance for 11 months out of the year. But it is a huge goal of mine for 2012!

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Six completed goals out of ten. Not too shabby, I must say. I think the three biggest goals I wanted to complete were to graduate, get a job, and get to my goal weight. So the fact that I completed two out of those three? That’s pretty amazing.

My 2012 goals will be posted next week, in a slightly different format. I have more goals but since school and a menial job isn’t overtaking my life anymore, I think I can handle more things to shoot for. I really, really love setting goals and setting things in motion to achieve them. I don’t see anything bad in wanting change, although I do want to learn to take appreciation in the here and now. The “When...then” syndrome is something I struggle with (When I’m skinny, then I will be happy...) so I want to take time to slow down and appreciate what is happening in my life in the present, not what I hope will be happening in my life if I achieve a goal.

Do you set New Year’s Resolutions? What are your thoughts on the “When...then” syndrome?

December Intentions

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I stopped doing posts on my monthly goals in September. I’m not sure why, but the posts felt a little forced and fake. I wasn’t fully chasing after the goals I set for myself and I knew I needed a break for a few months. And now since these types of posts are popping up all over the Interwebz and with the desire to bring back these posts, my monthly goal posts are back. (And hopefully better than ever!)

I won’t be recapping the goals I set for myself in September, but starting fresh with intentions for December.

This December, I will...

• Drink water daily. I’m pretty good at drinking water on a daily basis and I want to make this more of an everyday habit. I still don’t drink enough water and I still have an addiction to soda, but I’m working on ridding myself from it. It starts by keeping soda out of my environment and make an intentional decision every day to fill up my cup with water and sip on it throughout the day. I know when I drink it regularly, my body starts to crave it.
• Keep track of my budget by paying my bills first, keeping my Amazon budget under control, and taking out cash for any other purchases I want. I had a bit of a scary moment last month when I didn’t have enough money in the bank for one of my bills. Luckily, my mom loaned me the money and the bill was taken care of but there was no reason for me not to have money in my account for my bills. I know I need to figure out a better system for keeping track of my money - especially my spending money - so I’m devising a spreadsheet to help me figure out how much I need for bills, to pay my mom (for household bills + cruise saving), and how much is left over for myself. I tend to get click-happy on the Amazon website thanks to be insane appetite for reading which is something I need to keep track of better. December is a tough month for saving, but I’m hoping I can keep myself out of trouble by keeping track of where my money is going. (And only having cash on hand for my purchases!)
• Attend my first jury summons. And try not to freak out too much. I always thought I would be excited to get a jury summons in the mail, but I’ve been dreading going to jury duty ever since I found out my date. It’s not that I had doing my civic duty, but it’s not something I want to spend one of my days off doing. (My work doesn’t pay me for it, so I have to take a personal day.) And I’m just nervous about the whole process of it all.
• Turn off the computer by 9:00pm. I’m having a terrible time getting to bed at a decent hour lately. And since I’m now doing morning workouts, my alarm usually goes off at 5:15am Monday - Friday so I’m averaging less than 7 hours of sleep a night. (Not good for a girl who needs 8 solid hours.) I’m sleepy at work and that’s never a good thing. I think my problem lies with my laptop and being too caught up with what’s happening on it to shut it off and prepare for bed so I can be asleep at a decent hour. Shutting my computer off at 9:00pm is a step in that direction.
• Open my mind and heart for the Joy Council, leaving behind the junk of 2011 and preparing for a kick-ass 2012. I am so excited I was able to join Stratejoy’s Joy Council this year and it’s already showing me things I want to change in 2012, as well as how thrilling 2011 was for me. I want to be able to keep my mind and heart open to be willing to seek changes in 2012 because while 2011 was a great year for me, I want 2012 to be even better.

2011 Resolutions: October Recap

On January 1, I made a list of 10 resolutions for me to complete in the next twelve months. I’m not a hater of resolutions by any means and I actually quite like them. (Which, um, is why I made my own. Captain Obvious over here.) I’ve decided to make a “25 Before 25” list starting the day after my birthday, which means the goals I haven’t been able to complete (or are still in progress) will be added to that list.

Goals I’ve completed...

• Graduate from college. It still feels surreal that I’m a college graduate. But I am.
• Begin working a full-time job, utilizing my degree. Check! I remember saying in my last resolutions check-in post how disappointed I would be if I was still on the job hunt. I feel so blessed to have found a job and am still pretty happy with what I am doing. I’m not exactly sure marketing is IT for me, but it’s a good place to learn and grow.
• Travel. I didn’t do a whole lot of travel, but I went out of the country for the first time in my life so I’m counting this as a success!

Goals that will be added to my “25 Before 25” list...

• Get to my goal weight. My weight loss has been pitiful this year. Just like years prior. One day I’ll get it, right?
• Pay off all my credit cards. I have successfully paid off one, am very close to paying off the second, and will finish payments in February for the last one. Once that is done, I will be credit card debt-free! And then I get to work on my medical bills for the stitches I got last September. Yay.
• Complete Project 365.
• Join a book club. Just need to put my social anxiety aside and do this. I know I’ll be happier when I do.
• Begin therapy. I’m not sure what kind of therapy my insurance covers (if any), but it’s something I desperately need to start. My anxiety has been a little out-of-control lately.

Goals that will be completed before my birthday...

• Read 60 books. I’m currently sitting pretty at 54 books and I’m quite sure I’ll be able to mark this goal off by November 28th. Woo! Now I just need to come up with a different book goal.

Goals that won’t be completed, nor added to the new list...

• Run a half-marathon. No. Just... no.

I need a new book challenge for my 24th year (well, my 25th. But let’s say 24th because it makes more sense.) Anyone have any ideas for me?

The winner of the training ball from PlanetGear.com is Missa Lee! Missa Lee, email coming your way today!

August

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August. Oh, August! I am so ready for this month. So many changes happening and all of them for the better. My life is going to look drastically different one month from today and I’m excited, but also slightly scared, for what’s coming up. July was a month mainly used for applying to jobs and trying to get my health back on track. I set 5 goals for myself:

1. Reorganize my room. Eh, somewhat. My room is a huge work-in-progress and for the majority of the month, we were in a holding pattern, deciding whether or not we were going to move. (Our rent is only going up by $20.) We’re staying here for one more year so I really need to get my room together. It’s a mess, currently, but I’m confident it will look more put together very soon. (First step: buying a dresser.)

2. Drink 1 liter of water a day. FAIL! Huge fail! While I have been consistently drinking water every day (which is a huge win) but drinking a whole liter every day is a big goal for me. I need to start smaller and focus more on when I’m drinking water, not so much how much. I don’t drink a lot by nature, so it’s more necessary for me to focus more on drinking more water than anything else (especially soda).

3. Start writing again. Another big fail. I did a little writing this month, but not much and definitely not at the level I need to be writing if I ever want to become a published novelist. I don’t know if I’ve just lost my motivation or inspiration, but my writing has stalled a lot this year.

4. Make a budget and stick to it. I didn’t even attempt this goal in July. But, honestly, there wasn’t much need with the money I’m making right now. But! I am starting a new job in August (have I mentioned it enough yet?!) and will be contributing to the bills much, much more. So I’m excited to actually make a budget and learn to play with my finances.

5. Apply, apply, apply to jobs. Oh, success. A big, big success. Maybe you didn’t hear? I was offered a job and START IN SIX DAYS? Oh, my God. Crazy, crazy! In the best possible way. (And yay, for the first time in 3 months, this goal won’t be on my list!)

August is going to be an incredibly busy month, but an incredibly awesome one. My goals are as follows: to start working and embrace my new role with gusto, complete VEDA as best I can, track my food every single day (even if I’m over my limit for the week), begin boot camp at my gym and try not to die, and finally, make a budget and stick to it.

What fun things do you have planned for August?

Resolutions 2011 Check-In #2

Resolutions completed (1/10)

Graduate from college. I made this goal knowing it would be complete in May, but still under a cloud of doubt that something could happen. I could fail a class, my credits might not be in order, anything that could cause me to fail was planted in my mind. Last week, I finally received my diploma. For the first time in who knows how many years, I’m free from school. It feels weird, like I should be gearing up for another semester in August. But mostly, it feels good and relaxing and freeing. Graduate school is still a possibility but I’m going to enjoy a few school-free years before I even think about taking the GRE.

Resolutions I’m on track to completing (5/10)

Get to my goal weight of 115 - 120 lbs. While it would be nice to reach this milestone before the end of the year, I’m also going to be satisfied if I’m anywhere close to it (within 10 pounds or so). I don’t want to put a strict time limit on my weight loss, but gosh darn it, I want to conquer this beast. Changing your entire mindset about healthy living is hard, yo.

Read 60 books. Currently sitting at 35 books read, with 3 more to be finished very soon. Which means I am killing my goal. I know now that reading 100 books in one year was a stretch, but I’m hoping to make it to 75-80 before the year is out.

Pay off all my credit cards. Very close to paying one off completely (my lowest balance), on track to pay off the middle bill, and have successfully paid 5 of the 12 payments needed to get my last (and biggest) credit card paid off. I am right on track with this one! Yay!

Travel. Well, there was my cruise, as if I didn’t talk about that enough. That satisfied my travel bug, cruising through the Carribbean and hitting the Cayman Islands and Mexico. I’m hoping to add on more trips once I get a job, visiting faraway friends and places I’ve only seen in pictures. Hopefully, I can start a travel fund and begin exploring my country and world soon!

Complete Project 365. I won’t have this fully completed by the end of the year, but I’m hoping to keep at it until I finish! I’m also blogging about my pictures on Saturdays to keep my motivation intact. So far, so good.

Resolutions at a standstill (4/10)

Begin working at a full-time job, utilizing my degree. If this goal isn’t on my completed list the next time I do a check-in, I will lose it.

Join a book club. I don’t want to talk about it. I’m letting my social anxiety/laziness control me with this.

Run a half-marathon. This is a goal I know won’t be completed, since I have no interest in completing it. Funny how much things can change in 6 months!

Begin therapy. I had one, fairly informal therapy session with a good family friend. It was relaxing and it lead me to have a lot of insight about my dad and my future. But I still want to see someone more regularly, because I still have a tendency to hide my emotions and pretend things are fine and dandy when they are not. I still need to learn how to live with social anxiety - successfully. And I still need to move on from my dad and learn how to forgive him.

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All in all, I think I’m doing well at this stage of the year! I think the biggest goals I want to focus on for these next few months are losing weight and finding a full-time job. And maybe joining that book club. Maybe.

July Goals

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1. Keep applying to jobs and follow up. Yes and a somewhat yes. I did apply for lots of jobs and there were a few I’ve followed up on, making sure my resume has been received and finding out about the interviewing process. Towards the end of the month, I decided I needed to take more action with my job searching and stop using the websites everyone is using. I’m looking at Craigslist and other media-centric job search engines.

2. Get back to eating healthy. Success! I am back on Weight Watchers and following the plan like I should. And now that I have eTools, I think it’s going to be even easier and more motivating to keep within my points range. I’m really hoping July is a month for crazy-good weight loss!

3. Exercise 5-6 times a week. Another big check mark for this one! And I can thank my new gym membership for getting me back on the exercise train -- and loving it. I let my body rest on Saturdays but every other day of the week, I’m at the gym for at least an hour doing anything from a fitness class to regular ole cardio. Buying that membership was the best thing I ever did. (Plus, at $60 a month, there is no way I wouldn’t use it to its full advantage. That’s too much money to be throwing away!)

4. Make the most of my weekends. This goal was half-won. The first half of June, I killed it. One Saturday was spent at Busch Gardens, another spent at a water park with my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew. It finally felt like I was doing more with my weekends and it felt good. But then I slipped back into my ways, living small and keeping to myself. My goal is to keep at this goal, making plans - simple as they may be - every weekend. I want to be more social and this is one small step to doing that.

5. Tidy up my blog. Uh, no. If anything, I made it worse. Sigh. Lots of work to do this month on my blog.

Goals for July: reorganize my room (it’s a mess right now, things shoved in different areas of the room with no real design feel), drink 1 liter of water a day, start writing again, make a budget and stick to it, and, of course, apply, apply, apply to jobs!

June

June marks a whole lotta nuthin’ for me. It’s nice to have a month free of obligations and nothing pressing to get to, but there’s also a sense of sadness that all the fun stuff of 2011 is over and now it’s time to hit to job hunt hard. I think it’s imperative I find a job for everyone’s sake. You really don’t want me complaining for another two months now, do you?

My goals for May were simple and achievable:

1. Graduate from college: Big fat check-mark for this one! My commencement ceremony was one of the highlights of my life. I was in a bit of a fog as I walked across stage, mostly afraid I would trip or look stupid, but I just remember how happy I was that night. Happy that this part of my life was over and happy that I had finally achieved this monster goal. The fact that I’m not preparing for classes or trying to figure out how to coincide my work schedule with my school schedule makes me insanely joyful. No more school - ever! (Unless I decide to go to graduate school, which is still a decision I have yet to make.)

2. Enjoy my cruise. Oh, yes. I most definitely did. My mantra for the cruise was to enjoy the moment. I didn’t want to think about leaving the ship or going back to work or anything but what was happening at that moment. It was the best vacation I’ve ever gone on and I think I’m hooked on cruises now!

3. Apply to 3 jobs a day. Ehhh? I think I applied to somewhere around 15-20 jobs during the month of May, none yielding any positive results. Boo hiss. Discouragement is rampant but I’m also trying to settle myself down and just focus on applying my little heart out until the opportunity shows itself. While my current job isn’t ideal, it does give me some income and keeps me busy so I’m not sitting around like a bum. So there’s that.

4. Restart Project 365. Success! Even if I did start it on the first day of my cruise. I’m hoping to find it easier to just take pictures this go round, documenting the little areas of my life. I know that when I’m not seeking this goal, my camera gets thrown in a drawer and forgotten about so it’s a good way for me to keep snapping photos, no matter how lame they may be.

5. Take Dutch on two long walks a week. Let’s not even talk about this. Sorry, little guy.

As for my goals for June, it’s time to get back on the wagon! I want to keep applying for jobs daily and follow up on the ones I apply for when I can, get back to eating healthy, exercise 5-6 times a week, make the most of my weekends, and tidy up my blog.

Here’s to a rockin’ June! Who has fun plans for this upcoming month?

Yay, May!

 

I am so excited for May. It marks the first month post-college and I have so much to look forward to! Between my graduation, cruise, and hopeful big news to come, it’s going to be a fun month! I’m excited for life without the constant pressure of school (although the constant pressure of finding a job is no better). I expect a lot from May and I can’t wait to see what’s next for me!

Last month, I had some simple goals:

Complete the IronGirl 5K. This was an easily completed goal, and I even beat my previous PR! I hadn’t been running much beforehand so I wasn’t expecting a PR but I have one and I’m very happy with the way this race went for me.

Keep school the priority. Another big fat plus! I let blogging fall to the back burner in April as I worked on assignments and studied. I put in a lot of hours of homework and I’m just so happy with the way I focused myself. But I’m even happier that school is OVER FOR GOOD!

Clean up my resume and begin applying to jobs. Check! In April, I applied for four different jobs in four different fields. And most everyone knows I had an interview with a company I was really excited to work for last week, and my second interview yesterday. Well, the job was not what I was expecting. From 10:30 - 5:30 (with a one-hour break for lunch), we visited 39 companies to sell them a product. I do not do sales. At all. Not even a little bit. And especially not door-to-door sales. Needless to say, I was very honest on how this wasn’t the job I was expecting. I wasn’t hired for the job and I’m happy about it. Sort of. I am a little disappointed I didn’t get to turn down the job! ;)

Start meal planning and limit trips to the grocery store. Negative. Wow, I didn’t even attempt this goal. I did tell my mom that I will be taking over grocery shopping once I have a job, because I just want to get this under control!

Take Dutch on longer walks. So-so. I did well at the beginning of April, but fell off the wagon towards the end of the month. (Can I blame school for this?) Still, this kid used to be able to speed-walk 2 miles with no problems and he starts lagging after a mile. I need to get his endurance up again!

My goals for May are simple: graduate from college, enjoy my cruise, apply to 3 jobs a day, restart Project 365 (I totally fell off the wagon in April and I’m determined to be successful at this!), and to take Dutch on two long walks a week.

photo credit

April

I have high hopes for April. By the end of this month, I will have one more assignment due (a one-question essay final) until graduation. It feels surreal. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. For my professors to tell me I didn’t learn enough to graduate with this degree. It happened before, so I’m on pins and needles, hoping it won’t happen for a second time.

April marks a month of preparing for life after college, taking my health seriously (I mean it, this time!), and organizing my life from the inside out. It’s sure to be a busy month, but I can’t wait to dig in to all it has in store for me!

For once, I managed to accomplish all the goals I set last month. I didn’t make them too hard, as I was dealing with shingles and trying to figure out why I ended up with them so my goals were to heal and cope with stress, as well as preparing to read my short story aloud. I did heal, even though there were days it felt like my blisters were never going to go away. And I have taken some steps to help with my stress levels: to-do lists, making school a priority, knowing when I need to relax, and taking long walks when I feel overwhelmed. So far, so good. As for my short story? Well, you all know how that went!

For April, though, I have some very specific goals to accomplish:

• Complete the IronGirl 5K. I’m still not sure how I’m going to feel on race day, knowing I should be running the half-marathon. But every time I think of the race, it feels so good to know I just need to accomplish 3.1 miles, not 13.1. Ideally, I’d like to PR but my running hasn’t been up to par these last few weeks so I’m just hoping to run a good majority of it.
  
  
• Keep school the priority. I have two exams, a slew of blogs and quizzes, a portfolio website, and a short story standing between me and graduation. I want to give my full focus and attention to school and finishing strong and luckily, the workload isn’t too insane. As long as I keep on top of everything, it should be a smooth month, school-wise.
  
  
• Clean up my resume and begin applying to jobs. I had to submit a resume for my capstone course and it was pretty rough, to say the least. Luckily, some awesome resume rock stars looked it over and gave me lots of pointers. Since then, I haven’t done much with it but I do want to spruce it up to make it more presentable. Also, happening this month: applying to jobs. I’m excited to see what’s out there, but not fooling myself that I’m going to find something quickly. I’m prepared to search for 3 months before I’ll let discouragement set in.
  
  
• Start meal planning and limit trips to the grocery store. My mom and I are terrible at meal planning. We usually end up at the store 4-5 times a week because we only buy for a few days. In the past, we have tried to become better at planning our meals throughout the week but we always fall off the horse. We end up spending 3x as much in groceries because we’re poor planners. Plus, this gives us an opportunity to try out new recipes as we usually just resort to the same stuff every week. (Any good websites for meal planning?)
  
  
• Take Dutch on longer walks. Since we live in an apartment, Dutch gets a short little walk a few times a day. But even at age 9, he’s an active little guy and I know how much he enjoys our longer walks - even if they do make him incredibly tired for the rest of the day. I want to get better at taking him on longer walks throughout the week, at least 1-2 miles, because I want him to stay active and it makes him so happy.

 

What are you most excited about in April?

Resolutions Check-In

At the beginning of this year, I came up with a list of ten resolutions to get me through the year. And I want to keep myself (and you guys!) updated on how well I’m progressing to completing them, since resolutions have never been something I’m good at. ;)

 

Things I’m on track to completing:

1. Get to my goal weight of 115 - 120 lbs.

While I still have a ways to go on this goal and sometimes it seems unattainable. I am on track to complete this goal. To lose 40 pounds by the end of the year, I need to lose a little over 3 pounds a month. Right now, I’m at 8ish pounds so things are going according to plan. I just hope I can keep this weight loss up!

4. Read 60 books.

I’m slightly under this goal (by 1 book) which has to do with how school has picked up. I’m very glad I marked down this goal from 100 to 60. This weekend, though, I bought a Kindle!!! I just recently jumped on the e-reader bandwagon and I’m just so excited to get it and start reading! And hopefully, it’ll help me pick up my reading to make this goal.

7. Pay off all my credit cards.

Back in February, I received a letter from my collection agency about my biggest credit card bill. When I was young and stupid, I applied for an Old Navy credit card, thinking I was only going to get about $500 (and only able to use it in-store). Nope. Instead, I was given a $2,500 VISA to use ANYWHERE. And I did. I used that card up good. And then I got in over my head and stopped paying. It’s probably been over a year since my last payment and my balance is now in the three thousands. My collection agency gave me three options to choose from: pay it all off now, pay in monthly installments, or pay what I can. I decided to go with option 2, where I pay once a month for 12 months and then I’m all caught up. My mom is also helping me out with my other two credit cards, equaling $800 total. While I won’t be completely credit card debt-free at the end of the year, I will be 90% of the way there.

 

Things happening in the near future:

3. Graduate from college.

Fingers crossed. May 8th. Fingers. Crossed. (I’m having so much anxiety that something’s going to happen to cause me not to graduate this semester.)

8. Travel.

I’ve booked a cruise for the end of May and I’m hoping once school is behind me and I enter a new stage of life, I can start traveling more. I want to see more of the United States! I’ve never traveled outside my own time zone and I’m ready for vacations outside of Orlando. Also, blogger meet-ups. Need I say more?

10. Begin therapy.

My grandma has a close friend who is a retired therapist. She worked in the school system for over 30 years and still has her license, even working freelance for the Red Cross. I asked my grandma to ask her if she would agree to see me. She agreed, for free. As soon as we get it all sorted out, I will start therapy. It’s incredibly exciting, but I’m also very nervous about it. Mostly, though, I’m ready to tackle my anxiety issues and get control of myself.

 

Things at a standstill

5. Begin working a full-time job, utilizing my degree.

I’m starting my job search next month and I’m about 50% excited, 50% scared to death. I’m excited to see what jobs are out there and hopefully score a good job fairly quickly. But I’m scared that it’ll take me months and months.

6. Join a book club.

I was thisclose to completing this goal in January. And then I flaked. Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m using my anxiety as an excuse for why I don’t participate in life more and I don’t want to do that. (Although, I will admit that sometimes the books don’t interest me at all.) And I keep putting off attending because I seem to think I’ll be in an entirely different country when I graduate. I don’t know why I think this because odds are more likely I’ll still be in this city, but I need to stop putting things off because of how uncertain the future is.

 

Things I need to re-evaluate

2. Run a half-marathon.

I made this goal back at the end of December, when I was preparing to run the IronGirl Half-Marathon. I’ve since dropped down to the 5K and not sure I want to keep running in races. At least for now. It’s putting so much pressure on me, pressure I’m putting on myself. I think it’s important to reevaluate the goals you set and make new ones if it seems like the ones you set are just too high. I’m not sure what new goal I want to set, but any ideas would be welcomed!

9. Complete Project 365

I am so behind in Project 365. I started strong and then began to forget to take a picture. Life would get away from me and most days, there aren’t a lot of interesting photo ops. Between work and school and homework and watching TV…my life can be pretty boring. I’ve still been taking pictures when I remember to, but it’s definitely not Project 365. I’m not sure if I should keep taking a photo every day for this year, start P365 over, or what. What do you suggest, dear readers?

March

February's goals didn't quite pan out like I expected. My running goals changed dramatically. Although I was running 3 times a week, it came to the point where I was just trying to finish the miles, not running for any time goal. And now I've come to a dead stop. Since I'm not exercising until my shingles are completely gone, it's all up in the air. I could be back in the game next weekend, or it could take a matter of weeks. It changes a lot.

My other goals included starting recipe cards and establishing a bedtime routine. Two big negatives. I'm really terrible at getting to bed at a decent hour and it means lots of snooze button hits and running around in the morning trying to get everything ready in a matter of minutes. This is a goal I desperately need to hit! As far as recipe cards go, I made one. One measly card. 

Moving on! I have three new goals for March. Let's hope I do better than February.

• Heal. Right now, I'm only focused on healing my shingles and getting better. I'm not in extreme pain, but it is uncomfortable. I just want to feel like myself again. I've never been one to take my good health for granted, but being sick does make you appreciate all those good times all the more.
• Learn how to cope with stress. Obviously, what I'm doing isn't working. As much as I thought I was good at dealing with all my stress, I guess I'm not. I need to learn how to de-stress, some of it involving eliminating caffeine, eating better, and exercising. While I am doing the latter on a fairly consistent basis, I do need to really kick it up a notch. 
• Work on my short story and have it ready to present. March 24th is the date I've been dreading. I have to present my short story to my creative writing class. I am in a class with some really good writers. I know I am a good writer, but these people intimidate me. I've done a little work with my story, but I really need to set aside 30 minutes to an hour a day to put in some serious work on it. I think my nerves will be a lot less intense if I know I have a great story that I'm excited to share.

What are your goals for March? Anything exciting happening for you next month?

February

Growing up, February was my least favorite month of the year. The thrill of a new year was over and I was faced with a long month of no school breaks at all. Spring Break seemed incredibly far away and Valentine’s Day is probably my least favorite holiday. (Halloween is a very close second.)

February really doesn’t have much to offer itself to me. I have a long month of homework, half-marathon training, and regular ole work ahead of me.

But I’m also happier than I’ve ever been. I’m not sure why, but I’m going with it! There’s such joy in unexplained happiness!

Onto my goals for February…

Establish a bedtime routine. I don’t have much of a bedtime routine. I’m usually watching TV while reading blogs until 10:30pm, realizing how late it is and how tired I am and hurriedly rushing through my bedtime routine before collapsing into bed after 11pm. Since I wake up at 5am, I really need to get to bed by 9pm. I want to establish a better routine of shutting down my laptop, taking Dutch out, washing my face and brushing my teeth, as well as preparing my school bags and breakfast for the next day. I’m aiming to hit the sack at 9:30pm this month and hopefully inching my way up to the 9pm time slot by March.

Run 3 times a week, hitting my goal half-marathon pace at least once. Lately, I’ve been having some really, really good runs. I’m actually enjoying it, even if my time is slower than I like. I’m trying to take the focus off the numbers and onto just running and having fun. So far, it’s working. I’m shooting to run the marathon in 2:55, which puts me at a 13:21 pace. For me, that’s incredibly fast. (For others, incredibly slow. Ha!) Just once, I want to hit that pace to give me the confidence I need to be able to run this way on race day.

Begin to create recipe cards. Stefanie is the one who got my gears spinning on this one. My mom and I have the hardest time coming up with meal ideas and the problem stems from a) we are members of the National Society for Indecisiveness (well, maybe. We haven’t made up our minds yet.) and b) we don’t meal plan correctly. I’m hoping to be able to start a little collection of meal ideas so we can refer to them while meal planning, making the process so much easier.

That’s it. Just three goals, because I think it’s the perfect amount. They all seemingly have to do with health and fitness (sleep, running, and eating) because that’s all that seems to consume my thoughts nowadays. If I can complete all these goals, I am treating myself to an Otterbox cell phone cover. I’ve been coveting this for a while but it’s pricey so I want to work for it!

Do you have any goals for February? What are you hoping to accomplish this month?

January

I’m bringing back monthly goals in 2011. I am so big on making goals. I think they keep me sane and motivated to do something. I can easily get stuck in a stagnant pattern of everyday life that goals keep me striving for more.

Without further ado, in January, I want to…

• Get back on track. I have gone crazy over these past few weeks with my eating. I’m not tracking, drinking enough water, or exercising like I should. I need to get back to Weight Watchers meetings and get back to taking my health seriously. I don’t want to end 2011 the same way I ended 2010, but it’s going to take a lot of hard work and dedication to get there.
• Drink at least 24oz of water a day. I suck at drinking water. Seriously. I hate the taste, no matter if it’s room temperature, ice cold, or flavored. It’s a necessary evil and I want to work on drinking more of it because I have to stop drinking so much soda! I’m starting small in January, just 24oz a day. I want to someday easily drink 70-80oz of water a day. Baby steps, though.
• Be less connected. I am terribly connected to my laptop, Blackberry, and iPod Touch. I am constantly one on of those forms of technology all day. I want to live more in the moment and stop depending on my technology to keep me busy and occupied. Ideally, I’d like to completely disconnect once a day, but I want to start with shutting down all forms of technology by 9pm and media fasting on Saturdays. I can get too caught up in the online world that I forget to actually be here, in the moment.
• Help out more. I’ve fallen into a pattern of letting housework slide and my mom take on the stress of maintaining a household. I want to help out more around the house and take a more active role in it. One day, I will have my own apartment to take care of, but I can’t forget that this is also my apartment and I need to take care of this one as well.
• Get serious about my money. Admittedly, I let my finances slide a little during the holiday season. I used my credit card more than I should and was intent on spending, spending, spending. I need to buckle down, though, and start paying off my credit cards, saving, and spending more wisely. This starts with calling my collection agency to get my monster bill taken care of. It continues with sitting down, creating a budget, and sticking to it. I need to get serious about saving and paying off my credit cards.

And to further motivate me to complete these goals are these:

    

A new sports bra (the ones I use are a few years old and stretched out. My mom uses these and loves them) and an OtterBox cell phone cover (I need one, as a notorious phone dropper, and these are the best). Whatever works, right? If I accomplish my goals, I get to reward myself!

I hope your January is off to a rocking start! Do you have any goals, big or small, for this month?

2011 Resolutions

Happy 2011!


Last year, I thought it was better to make three big resolutions. They were the three areas I struggle with the most and I wanted to gain control over them in 2010. I didn’t even come close. So, this year, I’m back to making smaller resolutions that will lead to completing this big goals I still have set for myself.

1. Get to my goal weight of 115 – 120 lbs. My biggest goal of 2011 and a goal I set for myself every year. Let’s make 2011 the year I can finally mark this goal completed and not have a repeat in 2012.

2. Run a half-marathon. I’m officially registered for the IronGirl Half-Marathon on April 10th. I start training in February and until then, I’m working on building up my running endurance. I think it’s what I needed to motivate me to keep running.

3. Graduate from college. God willing, this will happen on May 8, 2011. I haven’t even processed the fact that I will be a college graduate this time next year or that my life won’t be consumed by schooling after May. I am shaking with joy to finally be almost finished and ready to tackle the real world!

4. Read 100 books. A fairly achievable goal for me, someone who is always reading. I’ve never really calculated how many books I read in a year, so this will give me a way to track.

5. Begin working a full-time job, utilizing my degree. I’m not even a little bit certain of where I want to end up when I graduate, but I do know I want to be out of the preschool and working full-time at a more professional workplace.

6. Join a book club. Being a book nerd, I’ve always wanted to belong to a book club but I’ve never really taken the steps to find one. Come January, I will attend my first meeting and it is my hope that I find a place where I feel comfortable and a place where I can meet people.

7. Pay off all my credit cards. Currently, I have 3 cards that I need to get caught up. I’m ready to pay off my biggest one (80% of my debt) and I just need to gather up the courage to call my collection agency and put it into motion. (I’m nervous about what I need to say/do.) The other two credit cards should be paid off by June. My plan is to get rid of two of the cards, keeping the one my bank gave me.

8. Travel. I haven’t traveled out of state since 2007 and I’m desperately feeling the need to travel. I have my sights set on a trip after I graduate, either a cruise or a trip to NYC. And I hope I can visit some other states this year.

9. Complete Project 365. I tried this project a few months ago but I only got about a month in before I got overwhelmed. But I have a new, fancy camera and a determination to document my year, since I’m so bad at documenting things through pictures.

10. Begin therapy. I know therapy will be the stepping stone for me to begin working through all my feelings I shove into the back of my mind, never to be dealt with. But I am so, so scared to take that first step. To call up my school and ask for an appointment. To fill out paperwork. To have that first initial meeting. I’m scared I won’t connect with my therapist and I’ll be back to square one. But I have to try. I have to see if this is the road I need to take.

Challenge & Risk

Challenge

If I were to sum up 2010 in one word, it would be this one. This has been a year rife with challenges, big and small. From designing an entire magazine to dealing with my grandma’s cancer diagnosis to ending the relationship with my father, it hasn’t been easy. I have been challenged. I have been tested. It has been a rollercoaster of a year but I can firmly say that I won. I beat the challenges. I was tested and I succeeded. It wasn’t easy. I doubted myself again and again and again. I fought it. But I have shown myself how strong I am. While I may not believe in myself, I am getting there. This year has helped me to see what I am capable of.

Risk

I want 2011 to be the year of risks. My post yesterday talked a lot about how I’m shutting myself off from risks because I’m too afraid I don’t have what it takes. I want this thinking to stop. I want to stop thinking I can’t do something and instead believe in myself. Fear and anxiety has had a stronghold over my life for the past few years and it’s time to break free. I know there’s a confident, vibrant woman inside of me and she’s so ready to be unleashed.

I’m writing this post for reverb10, an online initiative to reflect on this past year and manifest on what’s to come in the next year. Daily prompts can be found here.

The Age of Fear and Anxiety

I would label age 22 as “The Age of Fear and Anxiety.” It held me captive, keeping me inside and sleeping away my life. I didn’t stretch myself to my fullest limits and let my anxiety to keep me from really living life. I let it keep me from believing in God’s promises and falling headfirst into a relationship with him. I let it keep me from enjoying relationships with friends, always worrying I was suffocating them with my presence and wondering what they saw in me as a person. I let it keep me from putting myself out there with my writing, going after freelance articles because I was too afraid of the consequences of not being good enough. The fear of failure and the fear of true happiness has crippled me. I don’t believe that there is an amazing plan for my life, because I’m too caught up in worry, anxiety, and fear.

I wrote those above words on Thanksgiving Day night. While I had a great holiday and left with a full belly and an even more full heart, I felt a tugging in my soul as I entered my apartment that night.

Next Thanksgiving, I want my life to look a whole lot different than what it looks like tonight.

I feel as if I’m living an endless cycle of mediocrity. The truth is, I’m scared. I’m scared of what could happen if I let go. If I start wearing my heart on my sleeve. If I submit articles for review. If I flirt back to that cute cashier at Publix. If I schedule a girls night out. If I join a Bible study. If I believe in myself.

I want this upcoming year to be a year of change. I did a lot of acknowledging the fear and how it was affecting my life in 2010. I want 2011 to be the year I put the change into action.

As of right now, here’s what I wish for 2011:

I want to be healthier. If this is the one goal I achieve in 2011, I will be happy because it has been an ongoing goal for years now. I want health and fitness to be my life, not just a part of it. I want my new normal to be exercise, wholesome food, and more water than soda. I want to be a runner and complete a half-marathon. I want a better self-image and part of that comes with taking better care of myself. I’m hoping this blog shifts a more healthy-living focus as I begin to make the change to being a healthier person. And I have to believe that being healthier will help me be happier.

I want to have a career. I am graduating from college in May and I’m a little nervous about the job market. I know it’s not easy to find jobs and probably even less so if you enter with very little experience. I just want to be out of the preschool world and into a more professional field.

I want to be independent. Once I graduate and have a job, I know my next big step is to move out. I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I depend too much on my mom and I need to step out on my own. I need to have my own place, with my own responsibilities. It will give me an avenue to find my own identity separate from my mom. And force me to seek out social situations more and stop living inside my little bubble.

I want to be more social. I posted last month about how I am an introvert and find my happiness in being alone. But I also think I need to put myself out there more. I don’t really hang out with friends and although I’m never going to be one for the bar scene, I know there are plenty of other options for me. Book clubs, coffee dates, and shopping trips are among the many options available to me. While I’m more content to stay inside and keep to myself, I know I need to expand my horizons, just to see what’s out there.

I want to be a writer. I hate the feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I hear of someone else doing freelance writing. The only writing I’m doing now is here on this blog and on Blissfully Domestic. I really want to do more with my writing (maybe even get paid for it!), but it’s a scary process to put yourself out there like that. I’m so afraid of failing, but I think I just need to do it. Submit some stories and see what happens. I’m pretty sure there will be few feelings in the world that compare to seeing my name in print. I’m determined to get to that point, even if it breaks me.

2011 is going to bring about a lot of change. Change is scary, hard, and messy. But change is inevitable and it is necessary. I’m ready for it. So long, 22. You were good to me, but I’m moving on to a better age. An age when I start believing in myself and enjoying the life I have been given. Hello, 23. I’ve been waiting for you.