Wine and Love, V.6

Time for another round of Walking with Nora’s fun “Wine and Love” series. Write your own post on what made you reach for the wine glass and what you’re loving from this week. Link up at her blog!

Wine-ing about...

Boot camp. Only one class left after last night’s! Wednesday nights are so disorganized and chaotic and I feel shoved aside for the more fit people. I know I’ve talked about this before in a Wine and Love series. It hasn’t gotten better and I’m ready to give a full complaint when it’s over. Mondays are slightly better, but are much more intense and make me want to wish I was dead. Still, yesterday’s was pretty awful in the way we were treated and the way it was run. I would never, ever do another boot camp from my gym.

Anxiety. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully get past my performance anxiety, especially since I deal with the emotions from my failed internship on a daily basis. It doesn’t help that something major happened last week that revved up my anxiety to full load.

Loving...

An under-control grocery bill! My mom and I headed out Monday evening for a toiletries visit at Target (we went about $10 over budget, but we’re getting there!) and a grocery visit at Publix (where we came in just shy of our $100 budget). We only picked up one pack of meat to last us for three meals. (Two being meals and one being leftovers.) As long as we keep out of any grocery stores until our next visit, I think we’re headed in the right direction. I still want to work on getting the bill lower (we spent $17 on snacks! What!) but baby steps first.

Relaxing after work. Ever since I started my job, my life has been jam-packed. After putting in a full 8 hours at my job, I head straight to the gym for an hour which usually involves boot camp or spin class (neither which are low or even medium intensity). It’s nice to get a sweat session in and get the endorphins flowing after being in front of a computer screen all day, but it can be a bit too much. So last night, I came home after work, took a hot bubble bath, and read for about an hour before making dinner. It was SO nice to just relax and take it easy. I think I need to do this at least one night a week.

The NFL season kicks off today! Are YOU ready for some football?!

Finally getting my room organized. I spent Saturday on an organizing rampage. I went through my junk drawers in my room and cleaned out my entire closet, including getting rid of a lot of “skinny” clothes that I know I wouldn’t wear even if I could fit into them. We don’t have a lot of space in our apartment so we really need to use it wisely. We’re not packrats in the least so I have no problem throwing things out that I haven’t used in a few months. It took a few hours but everything is finally organized and easier to access. Feels so good!

What are your Wine and Loves for this week?

Wine and Love, v.5

Hosted by Nora 

Wine-ing about...

Boot camp. I’m not very pleased with the woman trainer. Let me say I love the male trainer and I wish we had opted to do personal training with him, but I cannot stand the female trainer (also the lead). She’s very condescending towards me and I get this feeling that she doesn’t think I can do all that much. I have done every group fitness class aside from yoga at the gym and I can keep up with them all. I am not weak and, as a trainer, you need to show me I am stronger than I believe. On Wednesdays, when it’s a full group, all her focus is on the women with 0% body fat who probably run 6-minute miles. She works with them more than us, which makes no sense to me at all. I feel as if we’re pushed aside because we’re fat, while they’re glorified because of their hot bodies. It’s very discouraging and I wish I hadn’t wasted $70. (Or rather, my mom hadn’t wasted $140 for both of us.)

Our apartment. We (reluctantly) told our complex we were going to be renewing our lease. It’s been 10 days and we still have not received our lease to sign. We were told we would have it by the end of last week but my mom has called the office repeatedly and it’s as if they don’t even know our lease is up for renewal! They are up to their eyeballs in renovations and it’s leaving no room for them to keep up with everything else. They are so unorganized and it’s making us doubt our decision to stay here. When we moved in, the apartment manager Heather made us feel like we were VIPs and she knew exactly who were, what apartment we lived in, and what our goals in life are. This new management is terrible and more focused on improving the outside of the complex and not worried one iota about pleasing the residents inside the complex.

Loving...

My new job. I promise a nice long update once I get more settled into my new role, but so far, so good. My first day went exceptionally well and I look forward to gaining more experience, taking on more responsibilities, and learning all I can. And I now have a Big Girl company e-mail. If that doesn’t make someone feel like an adult, I don’t know what will!

Feeling more in control. My eating habits haven’t been excellent this week, but I haven’t felt as out of control as I have in the past few weeks. I still have a lot of changes to make and surprisingly enough, I think my job will help me with my constant afternoon snacking. I can eat a good breakfast before work now, bring a healthy lunch and healthy snacks to munch on throughout the day. I won’t have my entire fridge, freezer, and pantry to choose from anymore. ;)

Nephew time. My mom and I watched my nephew from Sunday night until Monday late afternoon. My SIL’s father had to have surgery and we volunteered to watch the little monster for her. This kid is the most strong-willed and stubborn one I have ever met, but he is so hilarious and cute that it makes up for it all. Also? Waking up the my nephew chanting “Titi Steph! Titi Steph!” may be the best way to wake up ever.

Big Brother. Oh, my goodness. This show. THIS! SHOW! In a way, I’m glad it’s only for a few months during the summer because I can’t take the stress of this show. This week was insane. So many ups and downs! Jeff and Jordan may be my favorite couple of all time, I must admit. I kinda adore them and would like an invite to their wedding, please and thank you.

What is your wine and love for this week?

Wine and Love, V.4

You know the drill! Write a post expressing what you loved and loathed about this week and link up at Nora’s blog.

 

After the week I had, I just knew I had to participate this week!

Wine-ing about...

• My insatiable appetite. I don’t know what it is but my appetite has been out of control lately! I eat lunch, a pretty filling one, and less than two hours later, I am starving. Like, my-stomach-is-trying-to-eat-my-insides-starving. It also happens about an hour after I eat breakfast. I guess I just need to eat more protein?
• Beer. I just don’t like it. My date ordered one for me and it was just nasty. I don’t know how people drink that stuff. Give me an ice-cold Coca-Cola any day!

Loving...

• I turned in my two week notice yesterday. I have been waiting and longing to put in my notice at my job. I am so ready for something new and different, something to challenge me. My part-time job isn’t the worst in the world, but I need something full-time with better benefits. I’m still in shock that it happened and I’m finally going to be able to lift the financial burden off my mother and help out. I don’t know what I’m more excited about: that I’ll actually be able to support myself, or that I am starting my career in just 13 days. But it feels awesome.
• I went on my first date in 7 years. Yes, the last time I went on a date, I was 16 years old. I have finally decided it is time to get out there and date. It’s scary and I have been anxiety-ridden and emotional since I set the date, but I am so very glad I went. I had a fun, enjoyable time and I’m really hoping there’s another date coming up soon. :) (Yes, a post is in the works about this. I promise!)
• The NFL lockout has ended! Man, was this week awesome, or what? I have had Adam Schefter’s Twitter page up since the lockout ended because the trades have been coming in left and right. I am just so happy actual football talk is happening, not this insane lockout situation. I think it was utterly ridiculous, but I’m incredibly glad we’re going to have a season.
• I caved and bought the Erin Condren Life Planner. I don’t know what possessed me to buy this, but I found one of the $50 for $25 coupons online and proceeded to buy the planner. I told myself now that I will be a Grown-Up, I need a planner to keep track of everything. I have been terrible at using them in the past, so maybe the fact that I spent twenty-five dollars on this thing will help!
• My Internet friends. I love you guys. Seriously. You are the bomb diggity. You have been my biggest support system while searching for a job, going on interviews, and even when I was riddled with date anxiety. Some of you are quickly becoming close friends to me and I just love you all to bits and pieces.
• I have a hair appointment tomorrow! Hair appointments are one of my favorite things and I’ve been in the mood to start growing my hair out for a month or two now. So I’m finally going to make the plunge to grow it out a little and get rid of the bob. I’m super excited!

Wine and Love, V.3

This is only my third time participating in Walking With Nora’s Wine and Love series, but it’s easily one of my favorites!

Wine-ing about...

• Getting sick. On Saturday morning, I woke up with a swollen throat and the imending doom that I was getting sick. I get allergy-like symptoms every 3 months or so and it always feels like it comes after a child in my center coughs on me. Sigh. Swollen throat turned scratchy which turned into a stuffy nose and all around feeling of blah-ness. Luckily, it seems to have passed and I’m on the mend! I’ve been trying to keep it easy for the past few days because these tend to last for a week or longer because I don’t take the time to slow down and let my body get the rest it needs.
• Finding being healthy to be such a chore. I’m now paying $40 a month to attend Weight Watcher meetings and use their online food and exercise tracking tools. And I’m not using either to its fullest extent. I have felt so off this week, especially with my eating. I’ve been watching what I eat, but not tracking it. I’ve been exercising, but not putting my heart and soul into my workouts. I know this has something to do with being sick, but it has just felt so hard this week.
• How long this week has been. This week has just absolutely dragged. On Monday, I thought it was Tuesday. Tuesday, I thought it was Wednesday. (And started drafting a Wine & Love post in my head to post the next day...until I realized what day it was.) It’s just been so long and I have no idea why. Today is seriously only Thursday?

Loving...

• Having interviews. Changing my focus of job search engines from Monster to Craigslist has been the best decision I have made in this job search journey thus far. I have gotten so much more response and interviews and on Tuesday, I went on one of the best interviews I’ve ever had. I felt immediately at ease with the interviewer (also the person I would be working under) and loved the company and atmosphere. I’ve never felt more at home at a place. This feels like my job already, so I’m going to be absolutely devastated if I don’t get it.
• The comments on my friendship post. Honestly, I didn’t do it for the attention or “woe is me”. I debated posting it, but in the end I did because I had to know I wasn’t the only person feeling this way. And the comments and e-mails I received were just absolutely freaking amazing. I’ve been thinking about friendship a lot lately, especially about how I don’t seem to have a close-knit group of girlfriends - or even a close-knit group of blog girlfriends - like I see others have. The truth is, I just need to reach out because now I know I do have people who want to make closer connections with me. (I’ve been over my head in interviews and life, but I promise to get to those comments soon with e-mails and replies! Check your inboxes!)
• The NFL lockout looks to be ending soon! We should have word today, announcing the end and I can’t even tell you how excited this makes me! For a while there, it wasn’t looking good and I can’t imagine my Sundays in fall and winter without football. That’s a world I never want to imagine.

30DC: Week Nine

Thinking about what 13-year-old Stephany pictured 23-year-old Stephany would be like is tough. Back then, I knew I wanted a husband and children. I imagined I would find my footing and self-confidence during high school and college and meet the man of my dreams. He would be tall and strong, probably dark-haired. He would have a musical laugh and make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. He would be a Christian and we would attend a couples’ Bible study where, for the first time in my life, I would be a part of the popular crowd. We would perhaps be planning our wedding, or maybe still dating. I would have graduated from college and immersed in a career I love.

I don’t think 13-year-old Stephany pictured 23-year-old Stephany as a recent college graduate, still single (and still very self-conscious and shy around boys), living with her mom, and working a part-time job that doesn’t fulfill her in the least. I don’t think she would be excited about the fact that she still depends on support from her mother.

So what do I hope my future will be like? It’s a tough question because I know what I hope is not always what will be.

I hope to have a husband, someone who loves me unconditionally and makes me feel special. I know every day won’t be sunshine and roses but I know the man I someday marry will be worth fighting for.

I hope to have established a writing career. I want to be published and well on my way to being a full-time writer. Yes, it’s a lofty dream and yes, I need to do a lot of work with my writing but this has been a dream of mine since I was a little girl and I can’t imagine doing anything else with my life.

I hope to be healthy and happy. It’s a slow process but I hope to one day be able to control my eating habits and find a consistent exercise pattern.

I hope to have a family. Right now, pregnancy and having children is the furthest thing from my mind. (Well, aside from the fact that I am constantly worried people are going to ask me how far along I am whenever their gaze drops to my stomach. Erg.) But I imagine it will be something I long for once I find a partner in life.

I hope to be happy with where I am at the moment. I am always so worried about the future, about not being at a place I “should” be, about why I’m so different than other people my age. Just to be in the moment and content in that.

30DC: Week Six

1. I’m 90% certain I will be growing my hair out again for Locks of Love. I miss long hair and feel that sometimes, it’s easier to handle than short hair. This makes no sense, I know. But I’m excited!

2. I am a dog person through and through. I couldn’t imagine my life without a dog in it.

3. I watch America’s Got Talent every year, but I don’t really like the show. They put so many people through “just because”, when they’re not very talented! I feel like Piers knows it’s a sinking ship and he’s the only voice of reason on the panel.

4. I’m addicted to soda.

5. I’m terrible at keeping up with my Words With Friends games.

6. Sometimes, I think about going back to my dark brown hair because it was so much cheaper! But I also love having blonde hair so I’m very undecided on this issue.

7. Sleep is one of my most favorite things in the world.

8. But I think my relationship with my mom is my most favorite. While I bombed in the dad department, I got extremely blessed with my mom who knows how to be the perfect parent and perfect friend.

9. I recently joined an online dating site. I’m not sure how well it will work out but dang it, I want to go on a date every once in a while!

10. As excited as I am to get a new phone in August, I really do love my Blackberry.

11. I only like to watch movies with happy endings.

12. Even though this makes me sound like I’m fifteen years old, I really want a boyfriend.

13. I graduated from college almost seven weeks ago, but will not feel at peace until I have my diploma in my hands. (Sidenote: WHERE IS IT?!)

14. There are so many bloggers I want to get to know better and bridge the gap of commenting on blogs to e-mailing/chatting with, but it’s scary to take that leap.

15. I work at a preschool. I don’t have any specific job title, but I help out anywhere is needed. Mainly, though? I make breakfast for the center and give bathroom breaks.

16. Making phone calls is my least favorite thing in the world.

17. After going to the dentist.

18. Which is after going for a run.

19. I always thought I would want to be a June bride, but if I’m still living in Florida at that point, there is no way this will happen. The humidity is killer.

20. I’m really lazy about keeping my apartment clean, while my mom is a Clean Freak Nazi. Which makes me feel bad since she works 40 hours a week, I work 25. So I try to clean up to her standard, but it’s hard.

21. I think a food scale is an absolute must for anyone trying to lead a healthier lifestyle.

22. Sometimes, I “forget” to take meat out of the freezer just so I don’t have to cook that night.

23. Chick-Fil-A breakfast > McDonald’s breakfast.

24. Spinning is my new favorite way to exercise. So long, running! Hello, spin bike.

25. Although, I am still running. But on a treadmill. And for just minutes at a time. I’m trying to build up my running endurance but adding 1 minute to my time at every run. So far, I’m at 6 minutes and doing good.

26. Rainy days are the best days.

27. Unless I do it, I’m really bad at putting away my laundry.

28. I’m at a point in my life where I don’t think I ever want to have kids. Which is weird, because I have always wanted to have children.

29. I never imagined job hunting would fill me with as much disappointed as it has. I knew it would be hard, but didn’t imagine the toll it would take on my mind.

30. I can’t believe I wrote 30 “interesting” facts about myself. That’s impressive.

Tell me one interesting fact about YOU!

Wine and Love (V. 2)

Things that are making me fill up my wine glass (or in my case, reach for a plate of cookies):

• I’ve been feeling very uninspired and unfulfilled lately. I don’t know if I’m suffering from vacation hangover or the fact that my life has become very mundane for the past month or so, but it’s leaving me wanting more.
• I need to write a very hard e-mail that I’ve been putting off for a few weeks now. I’m worried that the person I e-mail will think less of me and want to punch me in the face. Or maybe I’m just overthinking things?
• Last week, I was doing quite well with getting to bed before 10:00 p.m. and getting close to 8 hours of sleep a night. But this week has been nights of going to bed around 11:30 p.m. or later and not getting as much sleep as I need, which leaves me feeling very lethargic and slow. It was amazing to see what sleep did for my energy levels so I need to get back to my 9:30 p.m. bedtime!

Things that are filling me up with love:

• Kicking off my week by giving a killer interview. At least, it felt that way to me. I find out today if I was as killer as I thought I was and make it to the second-round interview. Cross your fingers for me, because this is the first non-sales interview I’ve had and I’m really excited about the job possibility!
• Becoming a gym rat. Joining the gym was one of the best decisions I’ve made all year because it’s really helped me to ramp up my exercise. I’m taking two spin classes a week, two weight-lifting classes a week, and getting in so much other cardio that my body is happy. And sore.
• Making plans to spend a long weekend in Orlando next month. Yes, I realize I just took an amazing vacation last month but my mom barely ever does anything for her birthday and she really needs a weekend to get away from it all. Plus, we have yearly passes to 4 parks in Orlando so all we have to pay for is the hotel and food that weekend! Pretty sweet.

*Hosted by Walking With Nora

30DC: Week Five

High school was hard for me. I’m sure I didn’t have it as bad as some people. I had friends, I had a Homecoming date, and I was moderately happy. As happy as one can be while being a teenager. I had some major self-esteem issues and always wished I was more outgoing so making friends wasn’t so hard for me. Luckily, I transferred to a charter school in 11th grade where I met the most fabulous group of girls ever. They were exactly what I needed.

The people I went to high school with for 9th and 10th grade were a little messed-up. Ninth grade was especially hard. It was tough being a new high-schooler with a whole new set of friends, learning how to survive in that environment. One thing that really stood out for me was a girl who was touted as a modern-day hero after her stint in a mental hospital. She had been placed in a straitjacket and kept in the hospital over the weekend and when she came back, she was all smiles and stories. She told everyone about what happened and everyone was so impressed.

You see, it was the thing to be suicidal/depressed. It was cool to be “dark and twisty,” if I want to use a Grey’s Anatomy reference. I saw girls freely flaunting their sliced wrists and arms. I remember one friend in particular who had three long lines of cut marks in a row on each arm. They were deep, but perfect. (In proportion.)

Listening to dark music, wearing dark clothes, having a perpetual frown on your face. That is what made you cool.

At first, I tried to play along. I tried to be as dark and twisty as others. Once, I even posted an AIM away message with the words of a song that spoke of suicide, which my brother (just 16 at the time) saw and questioned me about. My brother has never been one to go with the crowd and I admire so much his ability to always do the right thing, always do the moral thing, even when people around him aren’t. I would have been lost without him in high school.

It wasn’t until I was sitting in the tub one night, eyeing my razor and wondering if I could be as brave as the people in school and cut myself. Brave. This is what I thought they were. I didn’t even know why people were cutting themselves, I just wanted to be one of the crowd. And I tried it. I took my razor and tried my hardest to make a tiny cut, but I just couldn’t go through with it. I couldn’t be like them. Suicide and cutting is not a popularity contest. It’s not a game. It’s real life and it’s scary.

I have never been depressed or suicidal in my life. I have someone in my life who is right now and it’s scary to be on the outskirts of it, not knowing how you can help or what tomorrow may hold for them. What was going on in my high school was sad. These girls were just trying to fit in and while I have no doubt some of them were indeed depressed, it became a game of who was worse.

I’ve never shared this story, because sometimes I’m embarrassed at how far I almost went to fit in. I never fully “embraced” what they were doing, but at the same time I admired them. But that’s the way it goes when you’re 15 years old. I was blessed to have a brother who remains one of my biggest role models and supporters. I’m not sure he even knows the extent to how he helped me see how going with the crowd and fitting in somewhere you don’t belong can be detrimental.

I love my life. It’s not the perfect life. I have my issues and there are many things I want to change. But I know I am strong enough to overcome anything and I hold the power to change.

Suicide is nothing to play around with. It’s not a game. For many people, it’s a daily struggle to survive. I cannot imagine living that way and I hope to never experience it.

30DC: Week Four

Oh, religion. It’s one of my least favorite words in the English language. If there’s one thing I am, it is honest about my faith. I struggle with it and am not always consistent with my Bible study and prayer life.

Faith can get a real bad rap. Christians are touted as close-minded, gay haters, “anti-choicers”*, who can’t ever seem to get their stuff together. We’re wishy-washy and can’t see both sides of an issue. There are many Christians like this. But not all of us are.

Yes, I do believe abortion is wrong. I’m sorry, but you will never make me believe that the option of killing a human life is considered best.

I support gay marriage, which is definitely against what a lot of Christians believe in. But I believe everyone should have the right to marriage, even if they may happen to love someone of the same sex - even if that goes against the Bible.

I am one of the most open people you will meet, always willing to look at the other side of the issue, even if I still don’t believe in the other side. My dad used to call my mom “brain-warshed” (he was from Ohio), but I came to realize he was the one who was so close-minded. He could never look beyond a different issue, never see why we needed our faith. Faith to him was a cop-out.

And speaking of that, I hate that term. I feel like when I say things like “God has bigger plans for my life” and “God is preparing me for my future husband and he has our love story all planned out”, people think it’s a cop-out. That people think I don’t want control over my life, that I want to sit back and wait for God to move. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Instead, it means I have someone to lean on, someone to help me make decisions. Someone to guide me along the path that is perfect for me.

For me, faith is about believing in God. It’s about believing in His word and feasting on it. Learning more about Him. Being with Him. It’s about showing His love through your actions.

What are your thoughts on faith?

*I hate that term with such a passion, it’s not even funny. Can I call people who are pro-choice, anti-lifers? Sigh.

30DC: Week 3

Before I get to the challenge: today, I am going on an interview. This is only the second company that has taken a look at my resume and asked me for an interview so I am hugely excited about this opportunity. Any prayers or well wishes you can throw my way would be greatly appreciated. 

I grew up in a strict Christian environment. My grandfather was a recovering alcoholic and alcohol was strictly off-limits for any family gathering. We didn’t drink it, we didn’t talk about it. I grew up believing alcohol was bad. Drinking was bad. Getting drunk was the stupidest decision one could make.

A month before I graduated from high school, I had a sleepover with two friends. One of the friends’ parents bought us wine coolers and alcohol to make strawberry daiquiris. (This still astounds me. I would never buy my underage child and underage friends alcohol.) I enjoyed the wine coolers and had a very strong daiquiri that I drank for the simple fact that I was with friends and we were drinking. I was a little tipsy, but that’s about it. We met for a second time after graduation for the same little “party”.

I didn’t have another sip of alcohol until I was 21.

After those two sleepovers with friends, I still had a bad view of alcohol. I still considered it “evil” and something “Christians did not do”. And then I became a blogger. I started reading blogs of people all around the world. People my age. People who are Christians. People my age who are Christians who drank. They talked about beer and wine and fruity drinks. What was this? Christians are drinking now? WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?

And then I realized something: alcohol isn’t inherently evil. I grew up believing that because of what it can make people do. How it can affect people. How it can become an addiction. But for the majority of us, alcohol is just something to have at a party or after a long day at work. It is perfectly OK to drink alcohol. I had a twisted view of the substance for the longest time and it’s taken a while for me to release all my restrictions on it.

I’m still not a big drinker. I don’t really like the taste of alcohol, so I rarely get a drink. For example, I only had two drinks on my cruise and in both cases, asked them to go light on the alcohol. I could go the rest of my life without alcohol and be perfectly fine. It’s not something I have to have, but it’s a nice divergence from my normal drinking habits.

My views have changed as I’ve grown older. While we still don’t have alcoholic beverages at family functions, I’ve learned that drinking beer doesn’t make you a bad person. I’ve learned that it’s OK for me to drink. God won’t love me any less if I do. It’s not a sin. And while I’ll never be someone who reaches for the wine glass after a tough day (it’s more of a Coke bottle and candy bar), I am the girl who will reach for a delicious fruity drink to celebrate and not feel bad about it.

30DC: In Ten Years…

In 10 years, I will be 33 years old. There is a lot I want to accomplish in the next 10 years. When I think about where I was 10 years ago, at age 13, and where I am now, 23 and a college graduate, I know I have made some major changes. I have accomplished a lot.

In 10 years, I would like...

...to be a wife and a mother. Being a wife is something I know I was meant to do and I know my time will come some day. There’s no time limit on this but I would be lying if I said I would be content with singlehood for the next 10 years. Along with becoming a wife, I also desire motherhood. Pregnancy, babies, new life. As I watch how much work my brother and his fiancee put into their son, it exhausts me. Being a mother is more than a full-time job but I imagine they could never imagine their life without him. Fewer hours of sleep is worth it. Likewise, I could not imagine my life as a single woman, without a husband and children in my home.

...to be healthy. I want to maintain a healthy lifestyle and consistent exercise routine over the next 10 years. Since this running thing is going pretty good so far, I’ll even venture to say I want to run more races and perhaps even a triathlon some day. (A sprint one...I’m not looking to do anything crazy just yet!) Mainly, though, I want to have conquered my bad eating habits and not be on an endless cycle of weight loss. I want to be at my happy weight and confident in my body. I want the healthy choices to be the easy ones and for exercise to be as much a part of me as my flip-flops.

...to be a published author. And to do this, I should get started on my novel, huh? In all honesty, I never knew the dedication and time it took into writing a novel. Writing my short story took everything out of me, made me doubt all my abilities, but also realize that this is what I want to do and I do have what it takes. I had some tough criticism to listen to but it didn’t crush me as I thought it would. It’s a tough world out there, but I’m going to give it my best shot. Who knows what could happen?

...to have a successful, fulfilling career. The job search has been on for a few weeks now with very little bites. Nothing substantial. A major goal of mine, though, is to have a career that makes me happy. Maybe not every single day and maybe it will take a while to find said job. But I do want a job where I feel happy and satisfied, putting out my best work and growing as an individual.

...to have traveled the world. Well, maybe not the world, but I do want to travel a lot more over the next 10 years than I did during these past 10 years. I want to visit Europe and Asia and Australia. I want to see more of the United States and Canada. I will probably want to go on more cruises. I want to visit blog friends and have girls weekends away. There is so much of this great world I have yet to see.

What is one big thing you want to have done in 10 years?

30 Week Challenge: On My Season of Singleness

I’m borrowing this challenge from the fabulous Katy Widrick, who borrowed it from someone else, who borrowed it from someone else, and so on and so on. I love the idea of it so it shall be my new thing for Fridays.

Day (or week, in my case) one asks about my single life. I’ll admit it can be a touchy subject for me.

I’ve been single for a long time. And for the longest time, school was my biggest excuse for why I wasn’t dating. I’m just too busy to find time for a relationship, I constantly told myself. And while it is certainly true, I think I used this excuse as a crutch for why I didn’t put myself out there more. Why I shied away from attention and immediately deleted online dating profiles within days of setting them up.

I’m constantly changing my view on my singleness. Some days, I find it free and empowering. Other days, I find it lonely and empty. The fact is, I know I will one day have an amazing love story. I know it will be incredible, special, and mine. I just have to be patient, bide my time, make the best me I can be, and it will all fall into place.

But for the first time in my life, I finally feel ready. I feel ready to meet someone. I feel ready to make mistakes and explore the dating scene a little. I feel ready to fall completely in love. I feel ready to give my heart away, even if it’s returned to me in a million pieces. I’m so done with feeling like I don’t measure up and I’m not pretty or smart enough for someone to love. Because, damn it, I am. I am so freaking worthy of someone’s attention.

Who knows where the future leads. Right now, I want to learn to be content in my singleness. At the same time, I want to learn to open up more, take some risks when it comes to the opposite sex, and believe in myself. I know that if God gave me this desire for my own love story, He will be faithful to see it to completion.

The winner of the Jackpot Designs giveaway is Krysten! Krysten, shoot me an e-mail with what color and design type you want for your address labels!

Wine & Love (V. 1)

Things that are making me reach for my wine glass (or...a pound of chocolate, in my case) this week...

...A bummer of a job interview. I really wanted this to be the company I worked for fresh out of college, but I guess I have more searching to do. But it’s much better than being stuck in a job I would hate.

...Getting totally off track in my eating/exercising for the past two weeks. It’s time to kick it into high gear for these next two weeks before I leave for my cruise.

...Not quite loving my new haircut. It’s the same style, but I’m getting a little tired of it. Go shorter, or grow it out? Ah, decisions, decisions.

Things that I am loving this week...

...My grandma’s PET scan coming back absolutely perfect. She’s been feeling wonderful and it’s so nice to have her back to health again. (And finding out the results on her birthday, no less!)

...Being completely done with school! It’s so great to go to work and come right home, not have to go to class or do homework. While I am trying to apply to jobs every day, I’m also enjoying the time off from being super busy. It’s a nice break.

...Shopping! My mom and I spent so much time at the mall this weekend, mostly shopping for the perfect second interview outfit. I bought two dresses from the Loft over the weekend and I’m completely in love. (Especially getting one dress for over 60% off, when I thought I would have to pay full price!)

...Selling back my textbooks, and getting some serious cash. I worked in the bookstore one semester, buying back used books so I know not to complain if a large book only nets me $10, but I really made out this semester! Enough to buy me a dress, two shirts, and lunch with my mom at Panera. Woo, woo!

Thanks to the lovely Nora for hosting this series!

Confessions, Part 5

1. I can’t stand the word “totes”. I know a ton of people use it, but it sounds totally teeny-bopper.

2. I’ve only had froyo once, and it was plain with sprinkles on top. And it was nasty. Last weekend, I found out that a mall near me is opening a PINKBERRY! Color me excited!

3. I’ve had a Kindle sitting in my shopping cart on Amazon for over a month now. I’m still undecided. (Convince me?)

4. Sometimes, I get consumed with thoughts of Dutch dying. I really don’t know how I’m going to handle it. He’s like an extension of me.

5. I am extremely worried that I’ll still be working at my preschool months after I graduate. I don’t hate my job there, but I am most definitely ready for something new.

6. Yesterday, I found out the reason for my phone battery draining so quickly: Ubersocial, my Twitter app on my phone. I had it set to auto-refresh every minute and didn’t exactly see the little disclaimer that said setting auto-refresh for anything less than every 5 minutes with severely drain your battery. Uh…whoops?

7. I can’t bring myself to give away a baby doll I had since I was 7.

8. As much as I loved supporting her, the day of my mom’s marathon was the worst day of my life. I was running on no sleep or food and worried the entire time about her. Plus, it was cold and we were outside for 8+ hours. I’m so incredibly proud of her and loved being in that environment, but next time, I’m doing things a lot differently.

9. I could never have another drop of alcohol and I would be absolutely fine. The same can not be said about soda.

10. I’ve never gotten anything aside from a Frappuccino from Starbucks. I don’t drink coffee on a regular basis, and it’s always more of a treat when I end up getting something from there. Fraps taste like a coffee milkshake!

11. I’m finding running 100% more enjoyable now that I’m running for fun, and not for a ridiculous goal.

12. In September, I had my running gait analyzed and found out I’m a bad overpronater. So I bought stability shoes and now I think I’m supinating, due to the way the bottom of my shoes have worn away. My feet are weird.

13. I’m currently playing 13 Words With Friends games. I’m a bit addicted. (Add me? Username is stephanywrites and I promise I’m an easy opponent. Heh.)

14. I haven’t been to the movies since May, when I saw Letters to Juliet.

15. There are 66 days until my cruise but it’s hard to get excited about it when I’m caught up in another semester of school. But after graduation? Oh, it’s on!

What are some of your confessions today?

Sometimes, I...

...buy a bag of Robin Eggs and finish the entire thing in a 24-hour time period. And try to feel guilty about it but can't, because they are just that good.

...forget to charge my iPod and a scheduled run turns into an unscheduled walk.

...stop tracking my food deliberately and feel completely out of control.

...realize how much tracking helps me stay accountable and, most of all, more in control of my body.

...experience anxiety on weeks when I'm not working as hard as I need to be at this weight loss thing, worrying I will never be able to control myself and always be labeled as fat.

...get annoyed by the perfectionists in my Weight Watchers meetings.

...think the best part of my week is after weigh-in, when I get to eat whatever I want and not worry about points values.

...experience major exercise guilt, either from not working out or not working out as hard as I wanted to.

...think about quitting soda cold turkey, but I know I would be miserable.

...get really jealous of others' weight loss successes.

...make a really good, healthy choice over a really bad, unhealthy choice and feel completely satisfied and proud of myself.

...forget how good an early morning workout feels. I wish I could do that every day.

...think I have a really bad week and will never see successful weight loss...and end up losing more weight than I thought I could.

Stats

Starting Weight: 159.2 lbs

Current Weight: 151.6 lbs

Net Difference: 7.6 lbs (-3.2 this week)

BMI: 27.7 (-.6 this week)

Holiday Week: Confessions

1. This year, my mom and I bought a fake tree. I have been on Team Real Tree for the past 23 years, where the thought of going artificial made my skin crawl. But then I got to thinking about the process of buying a tree, bringing it home, fitting it into the stand, watering it and dealing with the needles. Going artificial was a no-brainer and it has been so much easier.
2. This season, I cannot listen to the song “Christmas Shoes.” The song is so sad and puts me in a depressed funk. Also, I can’t stand the song “Same Old Lang Syne,” since I don’t think the singer has a very good voice. This song is just too corny for me.
3. Apparently, now you have to “Santa-tize” your hands before seeing Santa. I don’t remember doing this when I was a kid and remained perfectly healthy. It’s funny how germaphobe our society has gotten. (And I’m not saying in this a bad way, just an observation!)
4. We always wrap presents for our dog and put them under the tree. Doesn’t every pet owner do this? No?
5. I have no memories of any bad Christmases. My mom always did everything she could to make sure my brother and I had a great Christmas, even if she had to sacrifice a lot.
6. This is the first Christmas in a very long time that I will spend at home. My mom and I are hosting Christmas dinner and my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew are coming over. I am really, really excited about this.
7. This week fills me up with all sorts of anxiety and fear that something horrible will befall my family and make the holidays a time of sadness for me. 
8. Growing up, I always figured Santa came to our apartment and knocked on the door, even though in every movie, he came through the chimney. Unfortunately, we don’t have one of those so that was my best guess to how Santa brought us presents.
9. Also, on the Santa front, I was always confused why he wrapped our presents for us but in every movie, he didn’t wrap any presents.
10. Carol of the Bells used to scare the crap out of me. Now, it’s my favorite Christmas song.
What are some of your holiday confessions?
Don’t forget to enter my giveaway for some after-Christmas presents! Giveaway closes at 7pm EST on Sunday, December 26.

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind, Part 1

Right now, I'm in Orlando! It's Friday so I'm hopefully still sleeping when this posts and gearing up for a day at Disney World! Be jealous.

A while back, Ashley linked to this survey on her Life List and it looked like a really interesting survey to take, with questions that were different and introspective. So, here you go, my first 5 questions on this list answered:

1. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

I would never put my age at 22, or older. I think many bloggers would easily be able to say they act a lot older than their age indicates, but it's not so for me. I would pinpoint my age around 19-20, with the fact that I'm still in school, still live with my mom, have a part-time job where I'm only responsible to pay our phone bill + gas when needed, and have seemingly no responsibility for important issues.

I'm not saying I'm not responsible or mature, and I do think there are certain areas of my life where I do act way above my age. It also doesn't help that I'm constantly mistaken as a high-schooler. But there are some areas of my life that I think I could take a bigger step to fixing and proving myself to be the 22-year-old that I am.

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?

I think they both are pretty bad. With both instances, you're left with regrets. You're left with what if's. Failing makes you feel like a loser and never trying makes you feel lazy. I will say that the horrible feeling I get in the pit of my stomach from not trying is way worse than the pit I get when I fail. When you fail at something, you learn. You grow. You move on, knowing you won't make that same mistake again. (Hopefully.) But when you live a life of never trying new things and experiences, you can't learn or grow. You become stuck on a stagnant path of nothingness. It's a terribly feeling I know all too well.

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don't like and like so many things we don't do?

I'm having a hard time with this question. I've typed and deleted an answer about 5 times, because it's a hard one to answer. On the one hand, it's just life. Sometimes, you have to do things you don't want to do, like work commitments and spending time with your in-laws. Sometimes, money issues and fears get in the way of things we like but don't do, such as traveling. On the other hand, I think it's because we become comfortable in our shallow worlds where we sit in our bubble of containment, not venturing out to make a difference because we're afraid of what will happen. We're afraid we'll grow and change and become a person with a whole new set of goals and ideals.

4. When it's all said and done, will you have said more than you've done?

I think that's natural. There is so much I want to do, so much I want to see. At 22, I feel like my future is wide open. I feel like I have so much time to do everything and it fills me with such excitement. There are some Big Life Events that I want to happen (such as getting married, becoming a mother, and graduating college) and then there are life experiences that I want to enjoy (such as traveling, getting published, running a half-marathon). I don't think I've ever sit down and come up with a Life List, which is something I should do.

At the end of my life, I hope I can say I lived a fulfilled life, where I touched people. I want to be surrounded by loved ones and know I was happy with myself.

5. What is the one thing you'd most like to change about the world?

Judgment. I would like the world to have less judgment. I think we too quickly judge others by outward appearances too easily. I know I do it. If I kept a tally of how many people I judged in one day, I would be a little embarrassed by the number. I see it all the time at work, with people judging how others dress and take care of their children - even that they have "too many" kids. I see it on TV and magazines and blogs. I know change has to start within. It has to start with me. If I started judging less, maybe it would spark others around me to start judging less. Food for thought, at least.

Seven Quick Takes Friday (Vol. 10)

One. The last time I did a 7QT was on April 9th. It feels good to get back to a normal blogging schedule. Life is finally settling down and it shouldn’t get crazy again until September at the earliest. Thank Jesus for that!

Two. I went on a crazy spending spree on Sunday. I almost never have money to do that but I still had some money left over after paying bills and putting some money in savings. So, I dropped $60 at American Eagle and then $40 at Target. I really can’t remember the last time I’ve done that for myself. I always feel guilty for spending too much money on myself, especially when I have credit card payments that I need to catch up on. But, sometimes, you just have to treat yourself.

Three. This week has been emotionally draining, to say the least. But I’m happy that I figured out what was bugging me for so long, and that I now have a plan of action. I think it’s going to help my mood and energy levels a lot. Plus, going to be at 9:30 is divine!

Four. Because I’m a glutton for punishment, I bought Jillian Michael’s “No More Trouble Zones” over the weekend. I did the workout on Tuesday and holy Moses, I’m still having trouble just walking without excruciating pain in my thighs and butt. I used 3-lb weights, but I think I can bump it up to 5-lbs because I have no pain in my upper arms or chest area. I want to do this workout twice a week, so I don’t burn out as easily as I usually do with workout DVD’s. Still, I have an intense love for Jillian and her workouts. She’s been the only workout instructor I can find, besides Billy Blanks, that really pushes me to my limits.

Five. Has anyone been watching Last Comic Standing? I mean, seriously, if you’re not, you should be. It came back after a long hiatus and I am so happy it’s back. While I’m not impressed with Craig Robinson as host, the talent is outstanding. I couldn’t find any recent clips on YouTube (other than clips of comedians performing in comedy clubs, with crappy audio) but trust me, you’re missing out. TiVo, DVR, whatever it! Just make sure you watch it this Monday.

Six. Once again, I just have to thank all you girls who have texted me, sent me some amazing e-mails, tweeted me, and sent me comments. It was more than I ever imagined because I thought it was a post where I would get 2-3 comments. I didn’t expect to feel so wrapped up in love and encouragement from everyone and just wanted to give a big thank you and a great big bear hug to you all. You know who you are.

Seven. I feel like I need to start giving myself a Twitter break once a week. I’m easily falling back into old patterns, although I have stopped the habit of checking Twitter when I wake up and reading through every, single tweet that was sent while I was sleeping. It’s crazy how dependent we become on social media and technology!

Five For Friday: Confession Session

I’m stealing an idea from Kayla Aimee’s blog (which you should totally check out, because she’s awesome). I’ve been a little ‘eh’ about Seven Quick Takes Friday so I thought I’d switch up my Friday posting a little.

1) I didn’t mention this anywhere, not even on Twitter, but I totally failed on my soda fast. I lasted until 8pm on Friday night, which takes me to about 46 hours without soda. Around 7ish, I got a headache and felt a little weak and dizzy. And, gosh darnit, I was at Carrabba’s and having dinner – I wanted a Coke! So I had one, and I enjoyed it. Immensely. Since then, I’ve had about a Coke a day. I do want to drink less of it but I'm not sure if I totally want to cut it out of my life. I love it! Why should I totally give up something I love? I want to get to the point where I only drink it on Sundays (my “cheat” day) and when I’m eating out. Right now, I’m implementing “No Coke Days,” which is pretty self-explanatory.

2) I bought a webcam a few weeks ago to join the 21st century and start Skype-ing. The webcam is totally set up and ready to go. But I haven’t Skyped yet. And I need to. Who wants to break my Skype virginity?

3) I gained 2 pounds in the past two weeks.

4) I have squeezed my dog’s ears way too much in the past week. Please tell me I’m not the only one who does this.

5) I’ve never liked Siobhan on American Idol. While she does have a powerful voice, when she’s just singing regularly, it grates on my ears. And I’ve never felt any good connection with her. On the other hand, Lee Dewyze might just be my future husband.

Seven Quick Takes Friday, Vol. 9

One. This is my first Quick Take in over a month. And I know I said I would stop with the meme’s, yet this is my second one this week. But whatever. My blog, my rules. I felt like having a somewhat normal blogging schedule this week.

Two. Can I just brag about myself a little? This week of school has been amazing! I had my cover page and cover story due for my magazine, which amounts to 5 pages. My professor has not been kind with his criticism of my work this semester. I’m sitting at a 71% and hanging by a thread. My past projects have not been good. Needless to say, I was very nervous for his feedback. I call him the “Simon Cowell of design.”

So, I had my cover page and cover story critiqued. And then response was overwhelming. My classmates loved my design! My professor said, and I quote, that it was "very happy with it.” That’s the best praise I could ever receive from him. Needless to say, I was walking on the clouds!

The next day, I went to my law class and nervously anticipated my law exam grade. I’ve been really nervous about this class. It’s one of those once-a-year classes that only is available in the Spring. And it’s a required class. If I fail this class, I’ll have to wait until May 2011 to graduate, instead of December 2010. On my last two exams, I’ve received a 68% and a 76%. And I studied my butt off for those two grades. I felt like I did better on this exam but was so nervous to get my score.

And I received a 91%. That, my friends, is an exceptional score. My professor put an exclamation mark beside my score and gave me a little smile when I saw my score. And now I officially love my law class.

Three. I have a 5K race to run tomorrow. I’m not excited about it, mainly because I know I won’t be able to run the whole thing. I started over using Couch-to-5K and just finished the first week! I’m hoping to be able to run a mile, walk a mile, and run my last mile. But I’ve also been dealing with shin splints. I’m pretty sure it has to do with my shoes, since they’re pretty worn out. I’ve only had them for 6 months but I have to wear them every day for work so they get a lot of use. I need to buy new shoes, but I keep putting if off because hello, shoes are not cheap!

Four. I only have 3 weeks left of my semester and then finals week which will feel like a breeze compared to the craziness my schedule has been. I almost had another nervous breakdown on Monday so I had to make a list of everything I needed to get accomplished and when I was going to do it. There’s a lot to get done and only 3 weeks to do it in. It’s going to take a lot of focus and drive but I’m determined to get it done – and do my absolute best job at it.

Five. I’ve found it so tough to get back in the groove of things after Easter. I’m not eating as well as I should, nor exercising as much as I should, nor drinking as much water as I should. I haven’t tracked, which is just awful. I’m just trying to eat as well as I know how since I have weigh-in on Sunday. I think I need to sit in a meeting and get motivated again. Those meetings work!

Six. I have a hair appointment for color today and a hair appointment to get my hair cut next Friday. While I really want to do something wild and crazy like dyeing it blonde and getting a pixie-cut, I’ve been wanting to donate my hair to Locks of Love for a long time. My hair is just about long enough but I want to grow it out some more to make sure I have hair to work with! But mark your calendars! I’m doing something crazy with my hair in June. And honestly? I can’t wait!

Seven. I probably shouldn’t mention this because I really want to win this giveaway, but I also get an extra entry for blogging about it so I will. Ashley, one of my very good blogging friends, is having an awesome giveaway! She’s going to give a blog makeover, using WooThemes, to one lucky person! And then she’s also giving free advertising on her blog to 5 other people. Pretty neat, huh? So go there and enter!