Letters To My Future Husband: Where My Head Is At

Dear husband,

I’ve felt a pressing need to write to you. I don’t know why, but there has been a heaviness in my heart lately when I think about you.

The thing is, we’ve got an amazing love story in the works. God has the pen. He’s writing it as I write this letter. He’s formulating the dates, carving our lives so they fit perfectly into one another’s. He knows exactly who you are. He knows exactly when I will say “I do”. And He’s more concerned about making me into the woman I need to be for you right now.

And that’s ok. But I’m getting impatient, as always. Darling, I want you meet you so badly! I want to learn the planes of your face, the special catch in your voice as you laugh, the little expressions you make when you’re concentrating hard on something.

I’ve found out recently how hard it can be being a single Christian. People keep telling me I need to put myself out there more, date around, see what I like. It sounds great in theory, doesn’t it? That’s what we’re supposed to do, right? It may be something you’re doing right now.

I struggle a lot with knowing what it means to let God write my love story. I know I won’t wake up one day, knowing, “Today I am going to meet my future husband.” I know there needs to be some movement forward on my part. But how much movement? When does my movement inhibit the work of God? Is online dating the path God wants me on, or does He have something bigger in mind and I’m just too stubborn to heed the calling?

Maybe getting more plugged in and connected with my church will help. It can’t hurt. I know I want to marry a strong Christian man and I won’t settle for anything less. I’ve seen what happens when people settle and that’s not the life I want for myself. Strong Christian men are found in churches, not in bars. Not that strong Christian men don’t go to bars, but there’s a point I’m trying to make here.

I need to get my life centered around Christ. I need Him to be the focal point. I need to fall in love with Him, to hear Him whisper sweet nothings in my ear, to know exactly what it means to be living a Christ-centered life. I think that’s the key to letting Him show me to you. I need to remember that He wants me to be His first, and only then will He give me to you.

I hope you know what it means to live a Christ-centered life. I’m still struggling. But I’ll get there. And if you’re struggling to, I hope you know I’m praying for you, thinking about you, and imagining our life together every day. And I hope you know how much I already love you, foibles and all.

Love,

Your wife

Letters to My Future Husband: The Woman You’re Marrying

My future husband,

I can’t wait to meet you. Some days, I grow so impatient and lonely as the days stretch out before me without a partner by my side. Other days, I’m happy with where I am, happy to be single and to prepare the best me I can be before we meet.

But today, specifically, I want to talk about me. About this woman you’re going to marry. Because I’ve lived for most of my twenty-three years thinking I would never feel worthy of your love, thinking there would never be a guy out there who would deem me so incredible, that he would want to spend the rest of his life with me.

But gosh darnit, there is. You are him. My stomach releases a flurry of butterflies every time I think about you, about our wedding day, about our married life.

Today, as I write to you, I am 23 years old. I am a new college graduate and applying my little heart out to any and every job I can find. I am bursting at the seams to begin my life, to stop using my shyness, young looks, and penchant to be busy as an excuse to hide from the real world. I am establishing my independence in small ways that will lead to bigger change and I am days away from leaving United States soil for the very first time.

I love reading and it was reason for embarrassment growing up. Other girls liked having sleepovers and long chats on the phone. I liked curling up with a good book and using my Saturday mornings as my time to peruse the tall stacks of books at the library, selecting the best ones for me. I always thought my love for reading would diminish as I grew and developed other hobbies, but it hasn’t. Instead, this love burns the deepest in me and I don’t think it will ever be extinguished.

I’m most content when I am comfortable with myself: with what I’m wearing, with how I’m acting, with who I am with. I’m not the girl that needs to be dressed to the nines every single day, although it’s always nice to dress up when the occasion calls for it. And I’m not the girl who constantly needs to be surrounded by people. I’m the girl who will sit by your side during a football game, yelling and cheering at the top of my lungs. I’m the girl who loves food and eating, even if it does mean I’ll never be model-thin. I’m the girl who cherishes long talks and the silence. The girl who loves to laugh and uses sarcasm as a second language.

I’m non-confrontational and generally shy away from arguments. I’m working on it, because it means sometimes I let people walk all over me. I’m learning to stand up for myself and the people I love.

I’m still very shy when talking to the opposite sex, as evidenced by my “talks” with the man I labeled Cute Apartment Guy. It’s hard for me to open up to strangers and even harder when said stranger is cute. This means I have no idea how we’ll meet, what your first impression of me will be, and that I’m constantly worried I’m going to screw up our happy ending.

I know I have a lot of work to do on me. On not shutting down and remaining quiet when things bug me. On going after what I want, full speed ahead. On understanding where my passions lie. On repairing my relationship with God. On establishing independence. On tackling all those things I’ve set aside while trying to graduate. On becoming the best wife to you as I can possibly be.

At 23, I still have a lot of growth to do, a lot of life left to discover. Some days, I wish you were by my side and we were going through these things together. But ultimately, I know this is what is best. I’m content in my singleness for now, because I know it’s not forever.

I can’t wait to meet you.

Your Future Wife

Letters To My Future Husband: On Christmas Eve

My heart,

Today is Christmas Eve. I can’t help but think about you during special days like these and wonder how many more Christmas Eve’s I will spend without you in my life. Will this be the last? Or a continuation of many? Only God knows.

Christmas Eve isn’t a tradition-heavy day in my house. We save it all up for Christmas Day. Christmas Eve is spent in anxious excitement and anticipation, while we await Christmas morning. No Christmas Eve has ever been the same for me. Last year, I had to work and then I remember decorating Christmas cookies and watching a few Christmas movies.

I have a child-like approach to this holiday. There’s a part of me that loves knowing people are going out of their way to buy me things that will make me happy and cannot wait to see my reaction. I don’t mean that to sound selfish, but more of how I know people care. And there’s a bigger part that loves buying presents for other people, most especially my mom. I love finding things that she didn’t add to her Christmas list but know she’ll love and be completely surprised about. I love taking her stocking down from the nail late on Christmas Eve and filling it with goodies I’ve purchased. I love the spirit of the season; the pretty lights as I drive at night, our Christmas tree with handmade ornaments from my childhood, as well as our array of snowmen ornaments. I love wrapping presents and placing them under the tree, watching how big our stack grows. I love Christmas music, most especially the songs dedicated to celebrating the birth of my King.

And I love thinking about what our first Christmas will be like, while we’re courting. I think about our first Christmas as husband and wife. I think about our first Christmas with our baby. I think about future Christmases, filled up with kids, late night wrapping, and shopping trips. I think about Christmases far, far in the future, filled with our children and grandchildren.

I wonder how you celebrate Christmas. Are you as in love with this time of year as I am, or are you more of a Grinch? I promise you this: if you are a Grinch, I will turn you into a lover of Christmas. Believe that! Does your family open presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas? Do you go to church, have a big meal, or do Secret Santa exchanges? Are you even close to your family?

And what about Christmas 2010? How are you spending it now? I’d like to think you’re a family man, but perhaps you’re not. Maybe you’re working over Christmas or overseas. Maybe Christmas is a sad time for you, or maybe you’re experiencing the same childlike glee I have right now.

Sometimes, the thought of spending another Christmas without you chokes me up. I want to meet you so badly. I want our life to begin NOW. But I know I have a lot of issues I need to work on first, otherwise our relationship is doomed from the beginning. And you may be dealing with your own issues. Perhaps 2011 will be our year, but if it’s not, just know I will still be waiting for you.

I will be content in my singleness on this Christmas Eve, because I have hope for the future. I will watch Christmas movies with abandon, bake cookies until my arms ache, and joyously count down the hours until 7am on Christmas morning when presents will be opened. I am praying for you, love, that your Christmas is filled with laughter, joy, and above all, peace.

I love you with everything in me.

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Letters to My Future Husband: My Role As Your Wife

My love,

For awhile now, you have been the focus of my letters. I've written about what qualities and values I want you to have - trivial or not. I've written about how excited I am to meet you, but how I'm willing to wait until the time is right. But now it's time to talk about me. More specifically, it's time to talk about my role as your future wife.

One of my biggest aspirations in being your wife is to be someone who draws you closer to Jesus. I want to strengthen your faith, build it up, and keep you focused on Him. I don't want to make you doubt your faith. I see us attending Bible studies together, praying together, and sharing what God has done in our lives together. We are choosing to place God at the center of our relationship and I would never want you to cherish my feelings over His. I want to be able to place my feelings aside when it comes to what God is telling you. God first, in everything.

I want to be a good communicator. Right now, it's something I really need to work on because I tend to keep my feelings locked up tight, not letting on when something someone has said or done has hurt me. I want to get better at expressing my emotions and talking through my problems. I don't want to be the "typical female" who says she's fine when really, she wants to punch you in the face for that insensitive comment. Communication is such a huge part of any relationship, be it romantic or otherwise. This needs to be one of the cornerstones of our marriage. We need to be rock star communicators.

I want to have fun with you. I want you to be my best friend. All too often, I hear people complain about their significant others in derogatory ways. They bash their husbands and wives, talk down about them, and make me wonder why they even married them at all. I don't want to be that type of wife that goes running to my circle of friends to bash you whenever we have a fight. I want to respect our marriage, respect that we will have disagreements, and respect your role as the leader of our family. I want our marriage to look different than many of the ones I see on a daily basis. I want us to actually like each other as friends and want to be with each other.

All I know is that I'm really looking forward to becoming your wife. It's going to be my best role to date.

I can't wait to meet you.

I love you,
Stephany

Letters to My Future Husband: I'm Impatient

My love,

I'm becoming impatient. I see married friends, friends getting engaged, friends in relationships and I want to know when it will be my turn. When I will meet you. I'm so anxious to meet you, discover who you are, and mesh our lives together. But I know it's not my time yet. I know I am not ready to begin our relationship yet. I know God has set aside a specific time and place for our lives to begin.

I need to keep the focus on God. I have to rediscover my love for Him and find my place in the church again. Our relationship does not stand a chance if we are not both firm on the foundation of Christ. I have seen too many marriages and relationships crumble because of this fact, and I don't want it to happen to us.

I don't see the man I want to be with in any men I meet. I don't find guys who are strong Christians. Every guy I meet falls short of the expectations I have for you. Are my expectations too high? Do I expect too much out of you? Perhaps I do. But I know that Jesus did not call me to live a staid, boring life. He called me to live a life of fulfilled abundance. He wanted me to live a life filled with promise and hope. He wants so much out of my relationship with Him, so I just know in my heart that He wants me to have so much out of a relationship with you.

I know exactly the kind of man I want. I know I am not willing to settle for less than the best for me. I know God is not going to give me what's less than the best for me. I just have to practice patience. I have to keep waiting, keep praying for you. Because I know you're out there, a lily among the thorns. I know you're going to be one of a kind. (To put up with me, you kinda have to be!) And maybe I am expecting too much. But I would rather expect too much and never find it, than to expect too little and end up in a relationship that rips apart my soul.

But I know I'll find you, one day. We'll meet. Maybe we've already met. We'll have our fights and differences. We'll have our laughter and similarities. But it's going to be us against the world, Dear Husband. Because when you capture my heart, which is no easy feat, it's yours forever. There's no giving it back.

I'm impatient, but I'm waiting. I'm waiting on forever. I may be writing these letters for the next 10 years, but I'll patiently write these until I find you.

I can't wait to meet you. I can't wait for our love story to begin. It's going to be one for the record books.

I love you so, so much,

Your Future Wife

Letters to My Future Husband: I’m Not Ready For You Yet

I had lunch with an old youth leader of mine a few days ago. It’s been a good 8-10 years since I’ve last seen her and it was so wonderful to catch up and be inspired by her.

We got to talking about guys and relationships and I made a statement that, frankly, I was surprised to hear come out of my mouth.

“I’m not in the right place for a relationship.”

And it’s true. I don’t think I’m in the right frame of mind to have a relationship. I’m trying to focus on myself right now, graduating from college and seeing where life takes me afterwards. I don’t know if I’m going to stay in my town, move to Orlando, move to New York, or maybe even pursue missionary work. (Hey, stranger things have happened!)

And I’m not in the right place because my relationship with God isn’t in the right place. I’m still on a searching path, trying to figure out who God really is and how everything fits. Just because you’ve grown up in church doesn’t mean you’re any more sure of God than if you just discovered Him yesterday. I’m quickly realizing that.

I have friend after friend meeting potential boyfriends, dating, getting engaged, and getting married. And sometimes, I wonder if we’ll ever meet. I wonder if I’ll throw opportunities to meet you away because I’m so shy and so scared of where a relationship could lead. But I have to trust that it will all work out and I have to trust that God has a plan for us.

I’m happy with my life right now. I’m happy that I’m single and waiting for you. I’m happy that I’ve never compromised my values for a random guy I meet at a random place. I’m happy that I’m a girl who loves her family and is a major homebody. I’m happy that I’m not like every 22-year-old and I’m different. I’m happy that I’m so close to graduating and have found the right path to be on. I’m happy that my future is in God’s hands and that it feels so open and bright. I’m happy that my mom is my best girl friend and my brother is my best guy friend. I’m happy that I have the ability to laugh at life’s little moments and cry when stress overtakes me. I’m happy that I’m working on getting healthier. I’m happy at where I am.

And one day, I’m going to be happy because you are in my life. I’m happy about the promise of our love story and that one day, you will be my best friend that I want to share every moment of my life with.

I love you.

Stephany

Letters to My Future Husband: Hello, My Love

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Hello, my love,

This is my first letter to you. I never really thought anything of writing a letter to you, my future husband, until my friend Anisah's wedding. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding and remember her giving a journal to her brother with a note right before the ceremony. In the journal were letters upon letters to him that she had been writing for years.

I can't imagine what his thoughts were when he read those letters, written by the hand of a teenager caught up in figuring out who she was, where her place in the world belonged, and who she would one day give her heart to.

And so I'm writing you this letter. Right now, at the moment in my life, I have no idea who you are. I have no idea if I've met you or if you're some stranger I will one day come in contact with. I have no idea if you live in Florida or somewhere foreign. I have no idea if you know Jesus or if you're an atheist.

It's exciting, thrilling, and scary. We haven't even begun our love story yet and I think about you on a daily basis. I wonder what we will fight about and what our home will be like. I wonder about the look on your face when I walk down the aisle in a beautiful, white wedding gown. I wonder if we'll fight to save our marriage if things get rocky...or if we'll forget the reason we fell in love in the first place.

Do know this, dear husband. I love you. I love you to my very core. I love the man you will one day be, the man I will stand beside and respect.

I'm nowhere near the woman God has called me to be. I have major sins and major faults that I need to take care of. I don't think I'm ready for you yet. But I am waiting for you and I am holding on to my romantic, albeit naive heart, knowing I will give it to you one day, fully trusting you to keep it safe.

I love you.

Your future wife,
Stephany