School-Less September

It’s my first September without school. I can’t even remember a time, aside from summers, when I wasn’t preparing for school. For classes, for tests, for papers.

And you know what? I don’t miss it one bit. Sure, sometimes I get nostalgic about going to class and being in the college environment but it quickly passes as I realize how much freedom I have now. And how my weekends and nights are filled with things I want to do, not assignments and long classes to sit through.

I didn’t have the “normal” college experience, but I can’t say I regret it. I entered college at 16, thanks to a new charter school in my area that allowed me to earn high school credit for college courses. When I started at USF, I was 18 and had two years of college behind me. I was placed in a freshman dorm and full of excitement of what the college experience would bring me. At 18, I was ready to have a normal college experience.

Well, I hated living on campus. More specifically, I hated living in a dorm room. (And the fact that my roommate and I were polar opposites and didn’t get along at all didn’t help.) I’ve come to realize I need my space and a place to be alone and you don’t get that in a dorm. Luckily, my roommate was gone more than she was around but it was a big adjustment for me and I didn’t take to it well. It was especially hard to be locked out of my room so she could have sex with her boyfriend. I spent countless hours in the bookstore and common area to do homework and study for tests thanks to her. (For me, I get distracted way too easily in public places to ever be focused and productive.)

I moved back home after the year on campus. (My roommate moved into another room in the Spring, leaving me with my own space for 4 months. Those may have been the best 4 months of my life.) I struggled to get involved and find friends, roommate issues nonwithstanding. At 18, I was even more socially awkward and painfully shy than I am now so it was just a bad situation for me to be in. I was burrowing even farther into my shell and knew moving back home was what I needed to do for me at that time.

I became a commuter student for the next year and completed two student teaching internships. A few weeks after moving back, I started working at a preschool, a job I loathed. In the summer of 2008, I was working for a printing shop that was dying and preparing for my last semester of college.

Well, the last semester of college ended up being the start of a new school path for me. The internship was terrible and I left before it was over, broken and unsure of what to do with my life. After a few weeks of searching my heart, I chose a new major: Journalism. Writing had been a passion of mine for a very long time, but majoring in it had never even crossed my mind.

The next two and a half years were spent in journalism classes, a second daycare job that was much smoother than my previous, and living at home. It was hard. My entire life revolved around my job and school. There was barely enough time to breathe Mondays - Thursdays. There were no coffee dates before class, strolling around campus, or waking up 15 minutes before my class started. Since my weekdays were filled with work and classes, my weekends were my catch-up days for homework and studying.

For the first time, I have absolute freedom to do what I want. I have a full-time job that is pushing me just my like classes in college did, except I’m getting paid to be pushed. I have my nights and weekends for myself. I don’t have the pressing worries of upcoming papers or presentations or huge projects. I can simply be. I feel more in the moment, more alive. I am happier. More fulfilled. Less stagnant.

My college years were different than most, that’s for sure. But I tried the normal route and that’s not the path I was meant to take. I can’t regret it, but I don’t look back upon those years with fondness. I don’t long for the “carefree” days of college. (If anything, I feel more carefree now than when I was a student.) That was then, this is now. I needed that time for me, to get a degree and gain knowledge in the field of journalism and media. But that chapter of my life is over. And while I can’t say for certain I will never be a student again, I can say that I’m glad those days are behind me.

How did you feel your first “September” out of college?

From 20 to 40

I was really worried about how hard the adjustment from being a part-timer to a full-timer would be. At the preschool, I typically worked 20-25 hours a week. I was usually done for the day around noon or earlier. Big changes like a new job are hard for me and there’s an adjustment period that takes place until I feel settled and as if my feet are on solid ground. There were so many times I questioned myself by accepting this new job. Was it the right decision?

To answer the last question, abso-freaking-lutely. I can’t even tell you how much I love my job and now that I’m doing more tasks, it’s gotten even better. The past two days, I’ve had work to do from the minute I walked in until the minute I left. No observation or sitting around, twiddling my thumbs.

As for the worry about adjusting to a full-time schedule? It hasn’t been much of an issue at all. My days absolutely fly by and most days, I look at the clock and think, “It’s already 4:30?” instead of “It’s only 4:30?” I thought I would miss having my afternoons off, but it feels good to be productive. It also helps that my work day doesn’t start until 9:00, instead of 6:30. (Driving to work with the sun out is pretty awesome, let me tell you.)

I think what I noticed right off the bat was how much my energy levels improved. I remember days when I would have been at my old job for just a few hours and my energy levels were so depleted. That job was emotionally and physically exhausting and sometimes I wondered how I would make it through the rest of the day. And I was only working part-time! How the full-timers do it, I will never know. Eight hours at my new job is a piece of cake compared to 4 or 5 hours at my old one. The work I’m doing can be mind-numbing and a lot to take in, but it doesn’t deplete my energy level. (It also helps I work with fun people who have amazing attitudes and energies.)

I had a few people remark about how working a regular, full-time job is similar to the time when I was working part-time and going to school. I’ve only been out of school for 3 months so my knowledge of how that time of my life was is still fresh in my mind. When I was going in school, my days were generally 6:30 - 1ish. Some days I would be going from work to classes to my internship to a night class, leaving the house at 6:00 AM and not returning until 9:30 PM. My afternoons, nights, and weekends were filled up with homework and studying and writing papers. The biggest difference between that time of my life and now is my weekends. My weekends are finally my time. I can do whatever I want and maintain any schedule I want. I don’t have to worry about making sure I started on this assignment or finished that paper. I spend 8 hours at my job a day and then come home and can leave it all behind. Once I’m done with work, I’m on my own schedule. It’s such an amazing feeling. (And makes me wonder if I’ll ever go back to get my Master’s. I’m enjoying my freedom a little too much to even think about it right now.)

My days are long. I leave the house around 8:15 and don’t return until 7:30 or later. (I head to the gym for an hour right after work.) But it doesn’t feel like such a chore, like my long days before did. It just feels like my new life. I think it helps that I’m spending most of my day at a place I enjoy and am starting to find my place in. It leads to a specific amount of joy in my life. For the first time in a very long time, I don’t feel stagnant and unhappy with the place I am in life. I finally feel happy to begin each day. It’s really one of the best feelings in the world.

May, you were good to me. Let’s meet again soon.

How is it already May 30? I feel like I was just submitting my last school assignment and preparing for graduation.

May was an amazing month for me. One of the best I’ve ever had.

It started off with me sending off my last assignment, a take-home final exam, and then worrying myself silly that I would somehow fail a class. Although there was a mix-up regarding my final short story, it all worked out and my final grades were what I expected. (And I just received an official letter congratulating me on my diploma, but I still don’t think I will be fully relaxed until I have that diploma displayed on my wall.)

May was the month I went on my first interview, only to be sorely disappointed the job was for door-to-door sales. And as my job search has yielded no positive feedback, sometimes I let myself wonder if I should’ve tried harder to get that job. But I also know that it is a job I would’ve hated and I need to keep searching until I find a job that fits me better. I’m not idealistic in the sense that I have to find my dream job, but I’m also not going to accept a job doing something I don’t like.

Two big things happened in May: I graduated from college and went on a five-day Western Caribbean cruise.

My graduation was amazing. Simply fantastic. It was a culmination of 7 years of hard work and lots of stress. I went through a lot to obtain my degree, including being oh so close to graduating with my education degree. I think I made the right decision in switching, even though it probably threw a lot of people for a loop. It was exciting to be surrounded by the people I had seen throughout my 2.5 years as a journalism major because they all get it. There are times when I just think, I don’t have to be a student ever again if I don’t want to. But mostly, I think, hm, graduate school? Maybe someday.

And then there’s my cruise. It was one of the best experiences of my life and it’s all I can do not to click back onto the Carnival site to find another cruise. I’m officially a fan and I will find myself on another ship before 2011 is over. I have so many pictures to show you guys and so many stories to tell you about. From kissing sting rays in the Cayman Islands, touring Mayan ruins in Cozumel, and waking up each morning to an amazing view of the ocean, I’m very sad my vacation is over. (And so not excited to go back to work tomorrow after a lovely 10 days off!)

I’m not sure how June will ever live up to May. Perhaps if I’m offered a job?

How was your May? What stood out for you?

“You know, a lot of people go to college for seven years...”

(If anyone knows where this quote is from, you are my BFF.)

I started this journey in 2004 with a letter from a brand-new charter school, St. Petersburg Collegiate High School, telling all about their school and the opportunity to graduate with my A.A. degree and my high school diploma at the same time. I applied, not sure I would be accepted, and I was. For my last two years of high school, I spent at a new school located on the campus of a college. I met some of my best friends at that school and felt so lucky to be able to receive five semesters of college for free.

I graduated in May 2004 and was headed to the University of South Florida in August to work on my Bachelor’s degree in elementary education. I quickly learned that dorm life wasn’t for me so I came back home after a year and became a commuter student. I loved everything about the education classes, but hated everything about the internships. It didn’t help that I had some real lemons for assisting teachers and when I failed my final internship, I decided to switch my major. I had been two months away from graduation at this point, but I knew I didn’t want to become a teacher.

So in December 2008, I became a journalism major. I found out that I had taken all the credits allowed to receive financial aid so that would be taken away from me, as well as my loans, and scholarship (that paid for 75% of my tuition). I took two classes during my first semester as a journalism student, since that’s all I could afford. And then I received fabulous news that my scholarship changed its requirements and I would start getting help in that area. It helped so much. Every semester, I ended up paying about $400-$600 for my classes (this doesn’t include textbooks) which was a lot more manageable, and meant I could take more classes. (The only problem being that it doesn’t pay for summer classes so those I had to pay full price for.)

It took me two and a half years to finish the journalism program. In that time, I realized I wanted absolutely nothing to do with journalism and news writing. I am a creative writer by nature and having to get interviews and sources and turn off my creative voice to write articles made me despise it. I had a blast designing my own magazine, working on a professional website, and interning for a theater company, which made the whole process so much more worthwhile. There were a few very crazy semesters where all I seemed to do was work, go to school, and complete projects. But I got through it. And I completed everything that was asked of me.

On Sunday, I graduated with my Bachelor’s degree in Journalism and Media Studies. It felt surreal. It felt amazing. It felt accomplished. Earning a degree is a big feat and to finally be able to say I have a Bachelor’s degree is a great feeling. I put so much work into this degree (into two degrees!) that to sit there in that theater with my cap and gown, surrounded by those I have come to know as friends, just felt amazing. There are no other words to describe it. To walk across the stage and know I am putting this era of my life behind me gave me a feeling of empowerment.

I am so ready to move on with my life and begin a new stage. I’m ready to seek out more opportunities to assert myself and become more independent. These past 7 years have been filled with a rollercoaster of emotions. I never imagined it would take me so long to earn a degree, never imagined I would switch majors a few months away from graduation. But everything happens for a reason and I know I’m in the right place at the right time.

I did it. I graduated. It took me a long time and there were billions of moments where I didn’t believe I would ever walk across that stage. There were so many odds stacked up against me, but I pushed through them all. And I know I couldn’t have done any of it without the love and support of my mother, who worked two jobs for 4 years to help support me, and who was always there to be my shoulder to cry on when the stress got too much and my biggest cheerleader whenever I needed it.

And now the future is mine. I’m applying to jobs like a madwoman, but also trying to enjoy this time in my life. I still have a job and I’m back to working 30+ hours a week, while having my afternoons free to do whatever I want. I’m trying not to get discouraged by the lack of responses to my resume but I worry every day that I will be stuck at my part-time job for a very long time.

May 8th, 2011. That date will forever be etched in my memory as the day I finally finished the biggest goal I have ever set for myself.

My giveaway for a set of 30 address labels ends tonight at 8:00 pm. You have a ton of ways to enter so go for it!

So Long, April

April was a busy month for me. And it showed in the fact that I only posted six times. For me, that’s not a lot. My entire April seemed to be wrapped up in school and finishing up assignments that blogging fell by the wayside. It happens.

April was about school. It was crunch time to get all my assignments completed. I knew I had to complete my final draft of my short story, complete a bunch of quizzes and blogs for my online lit class, and take two Spanish exams. For my senior seminar course, I had a mock interview and a professional website to finish. It was going to be a busy month. And let’s just add on anxiety that I would fail a class or something would happen that would cause me not to graduate. It was a worrisome month.

But I got through it with hard work and determination. I set aside an entire weekend to fix my short story and make it a million times better than it had previously. (And my second read-through went a lot better, as well, with my classmates telling me how much they enjoyed this second version.) I set aside time daily to work on my website and make it look as professional and unique as I could, using a free template. I began studying a week in advance for my Spanish tests to make sure I knew the vocabulary and verb tenses backwards and forwards. Any extra time left over was used for my literature class.

I’m ending April on a good note. All of my work is done and I did the best job I could. Next Sunday, I will be walking across a stage to receive my diploma and it will all have been worth it.

April was also the month of the IronGirl race. It was the month I should have been able to declare myself a half-marathoner, but I ran the 5K instead. It was a great race and I had a blast. I ran my fastest 5K yet and it proved to me how strong and capable I can be when I put my mind to it.

Easter was made more special by seeing it through the eyes of my nephew, who is two-and-a-half. We dyed eggs with him and hunted for Easter eggs. Kids just make the holiday so much more fun and he was especially thrilled whenever he saw an “Eter Vony” (Easter Bunny). The day was pretty low-key, with dinner at my grandparent’s house and spending the night curled up on the couch, watching TV.

I started applying for jobs in April. And worked a lot on my resume. At the beginning, it was pretty awful and I had a sweet Twitter friend who helped me to make it sound and look better. I only applied to three jobs: two involving human resources and one involving marketing. I was called in for an interview for the marketing job and today, I am in the midst of the second round of interviews. This is big and I am desperately praying that God grants me this job. I mean, how awesome would it be to already have a job lined up before I graduate?

As for weight loss, it was a pretty stellar month for me as I lost 4 pounds this month. It puts me at 12 pounds total and I am finally beginning to see the difference. Some pants are fitting looser and my clothes are looking better on me. Seeing the results in the mirror is sometimes better than seeing the results on the scale. And while I’m not counting on May to be a big weight loss month (uh...I’m going to count it as a success if I only gain 5 pounds during my cruise...), I’m still hoping to stay on plan and keep a consistent exercise pattern.

May is going to be a busy month for me but I’m excited about it. It marks my graduation, cruise, and hopefully a job offer. I am so ready for May!

What exciting things are happening for you in May?

These Days…

 

...I am finally seeing the end in sight. After two hardcore weeks of writing and studying, the end is near. It felt as if my to-do list was so long but as I began to cross off assignments and submit my work, I could see the finish line. Currently, I have one final left. It’s a take-home exam consisting of a 1,500-word opinion essay, due Monday night. Once that is completed, I will have finished my last assignment of my college career!

...I am no longer doubting graduation. I have spent the last 4 months preparing myself for the worst: not graduating. It started with being in the wrong lab for my Spanish class and having to submit paperwork to get it changed. There were questions of passing Spanish. And then I began to worry that a major article I submitted would make my professor doubt my abilities as a writer, saying I haven’t learned enough in the past two years and couldn’t graduate. All worries were unfounded. I will pass all my classes and I will graduate.

...I find myself in awe of what will happen 9 days from now. Graduation. From college. It feels so surreal, since I was so close to graduation before, and it’s finally happening. I will have a Bachelor’s degree. It’s an amazing, amazing accomplishment. And I am so proud of myself.

...I am one of the few people chosen for the second round of interviews for a very special company I badly want to work for. The job is perfect for me, allowing me to utilize my degree as well as challenge myself, both personally and professionally. On Monday, I will shadow an employee at said company all day to get a feel for my responsibilities and the people I will be working with. I’m very interested in what Monday will bring!

...I am getting back into the swing of exercise after a long break. With my schedule, there just wasn’t time to fit in exercise and I found out how much I missed it. Yesterday, I went for my first run in a long time and it felt awesome to break a sweat!

...My Friday nights have turned into one of the best nights of my week: Bible study. My grandparents, two of the most knowledgeable people about faith I know, are helping my mom and I to understand who God is and what His promises are better. I am learning so much from this. I’m usually afraid to speak up in other Bible studies, for fear I’ll look incredibly stupid and naive. I don’t feel this way when I ask my grandma questions a girl who has been attending church since she was a baby should know. These nights are priceless.

...I feel so blessed when I think about blog friends. It’s been such a blessing to see how many of you are rooting for me and cheering me on with this whole job situation. Sometimes, I wonder if I should have waited until I knew whether or not I got the job, but then I know how fun it will be to go back through my Twitter feed and see what an amazing week this has been for me. Even if I don’t get the job, it was still worth it. And I have to give a huge shout-out to a girl I consider a best friend, Sam, who has been cheering me on since the beginning, calming my fears about finding a job and being excited for me about this opportunity. Everyone needs a friend like her.

...I can’t help but imagine life as a full-time employee, making a paycheck that will be a lot more than I’m making now (just a smidge over minimum wage, and I’m only working 20 hours a week). I’m imagining actually supporting myself and not having to come to my mom for every little purchase. But no, I have not (I REPEAT NOT) looked at websites to buy a car. Absolutely not. I would not do that to myself. Gosh. Why would you even think that?!

photo credit

Well, I Didn’t Die…

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I have never shown my fiction. Writing a fiction novel is something that I was obsessed with when I was younger, but has fallen to the wayside as I’ve become more involved with blogging, journalism, and life in general. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, but never something I have sat down to seriously consider.

Thursday was the day I had to show my fiction to a group of classmates. I am a very shy and quiet student, tending to stay in the background and never feeling the need to raise my hand to volunteer my work, or offer an opinion. So having an entire classroom of writers, some being exceptionally good writers, having their full attention on me was incredibly nerve-wracking. I knew of my date from mid-January: March 24. I would have to showcase my fiction to a group of people I barely knew. As I read through my story again and again, I fall more deeply in love with my characters and feel like they are such a part of me. I wouldn’t say I was scared of the criticism, because I know it was done only to make the story stronger, but having all of the attention focused on me and my work wasn’t something I necessarily coveted.

I was pleased as punch when my classmates began to trickle in slowly. By 11am, at the class start time, we only had 9 people. Unfortunately, my professor stalled for time to wait to see if anyone else would show up. They did, and I eventually read my story to 16 classmates. I had decided to print out copies for people to read off of, instead of pulling it up on the computer to be flashed on the screen. It was less scary that way. And it also gave people a way to write down comments they had on the piece as it was right there to look at.

The first comment, made by a guy, was a little harsh. While we are supposed to start off with what we like, he started off with criticism, saying he didn’t know these characters at all and I made the man figure (Jay) too perfect. Luckily, I had a rebuttal in the form of a girl who agreed Jay was a little perfect, but she understand the character development. From then on, classmates began to offer suggestions and feedback.

The good: The story has a nice flow and reads well. The story concept is a great one and, even overwhelming, in the possibilities to grow it. Most people liked Ava’s character and thought she was well-developed. They loved the last scene with Jay and Ava and this is where he is developed best, being controlling. And they loved the ending.

The bad: I made Jay a little too perfect, which I agree with. I was trying not to make him out to be a bad guy, and I think I went too far into the realm of perfection. Dialogue is a little stilted at times and should always move the story along. One girl also made the point of saying that the line “God had different plans” leads the reader to think everything will work out, but it really doesn’t. I think that was such a striking point that I agreed with. I need to show more of Jay and Ava having disagreements, instead of the only one at the coffee shop.

Things to ponder: I received so much great feedback on how to improve this story! One such piece of advice was to make the dress a symbol. Make Ava see how imperfect it really is, even if it is breath-taking on the outside. Another one was to really play on the controlling man vs. insecure woman angle and show that a lot through dialogue and actions. A girl also brought up a great point of how it seems as if Ava, who used to be very insecure, has found a sense of self and independence through this attention she’s getting from Jay, which, in turn, causes her to apply for the study-abroad opportunity. I wanted to KISS THAT GIRL ON THE MOUTH when she said that because it’s never something I ever thought of but it makes perfect sense!

All in all, it was a great experience. I do have to do another reading on April 19, which gives me a few weeks to make it a whole lot better. (And if you’re interested in reading the edited version, let me know in the comments and I’ll make a list of who to send it to!) I’m glad I’ve stuck with this class and it’s caused me to learn so much about the writing process. I still want to be a writer, but I know it’s not as easy as it looks. But there’s something there, a smidge of talent that I need to refine and keep working towards.

School, Stress, and Shingles

via

It's been a while.

Well, only 5 days since my last post, but it feels like forever. I had to take a big step back from blogging this week (and probably will continue until I'm done with school) because I got overwhelmed. I looked at my homework list, realized I almost missed completely an assignment, and realized I was in over my head. It didn't take long for me to figure out what had to go first: blogging. And by stepping back, I was able to regroup, make out long to-do lists, and get stuff done. This semester isn't too heavy on homework and projects and tests, but it's all those little things that I'm trying to do now so I'm not overwhelmed with everything in April. But it's better now. I know I have to keep school and work and exercise and downtime at the forefront of my mind and leave blogging to when I can get around to it.

I don't think I can stress enough how much I am loving my classes this semester. My creative writing and literature classes are everything I have ever hoped for. I am totally in love with all the work I'm doing for those classes, especially those long reading assignments. My past five semesters as a journalism grad have been filled with interviews, research, and paper writing - nothing that excited me or fueled my passions. I am now realizing I want nothing to do with the journalism world. It's not where my passions - or my talents - lie. Some days, I flirt with the idea of getting my teacher certification and teaching middle school. Some days, I think about missionary work or getting involved in a ministry. Other days, I just want to keep inside my bubble and do something that comes easy for me. But the best part about this time in my life is that my future is so wide-open. It's a little scary but mostly thrilling to realize how much life I have yet to experience and how many milestones I have yet to achieve. And I can't wait to take this little blog along for the ride.

But enough about school, let's talk about shingles!

Shingles? Yes, shingles. (AKA, adult chicken pox.) Guess who was diagnosed with shingles last night? Yours truly. Quite a fun way to spend a Friday night, if you ask me!

It all started on Wednesday when I started feeling pain on the left side of my body, close to my hip. It felt like I had bruised my side or pulled a muscle and noticed two red marks that looked like insect bites around the area where it was hurting. For the most part, I shrugged it off, thinking it wasn't something major. I would ice it tonight and try to stretch out my hip flexors. No big deal.

Oh, but Thursday, I realized something was up. Still experiencing pain and little red marks began forming on my skin all around my side. They began to make a trail towards my belly button and down my upper thigh. At this point, I started to worry. I was in pain but nothing excruciating. The marks didn't itch or hurt, but they were there. I asked about it on Twitter, where Stephanie mentioned shingles. I didn't want to believe that, so I shrugged it off again. (Plus, hi, I have no insurance. I don't make visits to the doctor unless it is absolutely necessary. At this point, I didn't think it was.) At first, my mom and I thought it was a bad reaction to an insect bite. I am slightly allergic to insect bites where some can make me swell up and develop lots of redness around the bite. But I've never had a reaction like this...and I've never been in pain. (Just itchy/uncomfortable pain.) Then, after my mom looked at them again, she thought they looked like hives. Hives? Oh, I can do hives! Hives is nothing! Yay, hives! I figured the stress I was putting on myself to complete this half-marathon was the reason behind my hives. I kept pouring Benedryl lotion on the marks and taking baths to hopefully heal it.

Then, on Friday, after still experiencing a lot of pain in my side (and now my back), we went to see my grandma. She has a nursing background, took one look at them and said, "Oh, that's shingles!" No. No, no, no, no, no. I cannot have shingles! Shingles is something old people get. I'm 23 and fairly healthy (ish). Heck, I'm training for a half-marathon. People training for half-marathons don't get shingles! She advised me to get to a doctor ASAP, so my mom and I found an urgent care clinic a few blocks away. It took me about an hour to see a doctor, where I worried it was some strange disease that would give me 3 days to live. (My mind, you guys. MY MIND!) Less than 10 minutes after seeing the doctor, he diagnosed me with shingles. I have adult chicken pox. Awesome. (Oh, and did you know anyone who has had chicken pox still technically has it? It just lies dormant in your body. For some people, it stays dormant. For others, it rears up it's ugly head in the form of shingles. Interesting!) Basically, there's no real reason why a person gets shingles, but it has been linked to low immune system. I know I have a low immune system thanks to those lovely kiddos who like to sneeze and cough all over me. I get sick every 2-3 months. (Meanwhile, I can't remember the last time my mom had a cold! Not in the past 10 years, at least!) It's also linked to stress which causes a low immune system.

Basically, they put me on an antibiotic and told me to take Advil for any pain. (Although, I haven't yet filled the antibiotic because it rang up at $282! There is another kind that rings up for just $30 so I'm waiting on the phone call to see if the doctor will approve that one.) The pain isn't too bad. I can do all of my normal activities, although I'm laying off exercise until this clears up. At it's worse, the pain is at a 3 or 4. But, most of the time, it doesn't hurt at all. It's just ugly to look at.

And that's about it. There's nothing much I can do about it, although I'm taking about two oatmeal baths a day. (LOVE!) I'm just trying to relax and let it run its course. It's been a stressful few days, but I'm glad I have an answer and a solution. (Plus, I think this gets me out of housework for at least the next week, right?)

Thursday Tidbits

• First of all, today I’m guest-posting over at Becky’s blog! She asked for a theme of love so I wrote about the boy I love the most: my nephew! This blog post was so much fun to write, even moreso that Becky is also an aunt and knows exactly how I feel! Check it out here.
  
• Today is supposed to be the day I recap my weight loss and tomorrow is supposed to be the day I vlog. I haven’t had time to record a vlog this week and to recap this week in weight loss: Super Bowl. Gained 1.2 pounds. The end. 
  
• I’m finding myself busier and busier with school and kind of loving it. My five-week break was incredibly delightful and relaxing, but I’m realizing that I like to keep busy. It also helps that my classes are quite fun and I get to explore my creative writing side, which is a big no-no when it comes to journalism. The papers I’m writing for my literature and creative writing classes are so much fun and so interesting to write that a part of me is glad I’m taking them at the end of my undergraduate career and not a few semesters ago because it seriously would have tempted me to switch majors. No joke.
  
• Half-marathon training-wise, it’s going okay. I missed my long run on Sunday because it was raining and I just didn’t have it in me to run 5 miles on the treadmill. My training runs have been better than I expected, even though I’m still not running the whole time but I am running more than I’m walking. I’m still extremely nervous leading up to my runs, but they’re getting done. I’m ready to tackle this upcoming week. I have a 3.5-miler scheduled for today and a 5-miler scheduled for Saturday. 5 miles will be a new (running) distance record for me so fingers crossed!
  
• I want to run one of the Gasparilla races at the end of this month. I’m debating on whether I should run the 5K on Saturday or the 8K on Sunday. I’m only scheduled to run 3 miles that weekend, but I’ve never run an 8K distance in a race and it kind of interests me. Make the decision for me! ;)
  
• By the way, March 24th is the day the world will end for me. Also known as the day I have to present my short story for critiques. I’ve never shown my fiction work to anyone and to say I’m nervous is an extreme understatement. I have a million different ideas of what I want my short story to be but nothing I feel comfortable writing down and showing.

Odds and Ends, the January Edition

via

I am so happy it’s Friday. Even though I have tons of homework on the horizon, it’s been a crazy week and I just want some time to relax.

• I went into a panic on Saturday because I looked at my tuition and saw that my scholarship hadn’t gone through yet. It pays for a good chunk of my tuition and I depend on it. So, perhaps I freaked out a bit, started worrying that I was going to be dropped from my classes, and have to wait another semester (or two) to graduate. I looked again on Sunday and sure enough, my scholarship went through. Phew! Big, big sigh of relief.
• Panic #2 began a few hours after Panic #1 ended. I looked at my Spanish II class and Spanish II Lab and realized: they didn’t match up. I remember when I registered that the classes and labs weren’t paired up and didn’t let you know which lab to register for which class. It was really pick-and-choose-and-pray-you’re-right. Well, I was wrong. And I remembered about it after the add/drop period, meaning I couldn’t drop the lab I was in and add the correct one. Instead, I have to send in a petition to make an even exchange of the labs. I had to have my professor sign an “Add Class” form and another professor sign a “Drop Class” form, as well as writing a personal statement why I was doing this. Luckily, my advisor talked me through this and seemed positive I could get this changed without any hassles. It’s a 1 credit course and is standing in the way of my graduation, not to mention it means I’m not in the right lab for my class! It’s been a stressful few days dealing with this, but I have high hopes that everything would turn out OK in the end.
• My classes themselves are going great. My Spanish teacher is wonderful and has such a passion for the language. It’s exciting to see! Signing up for a creative writing class was the best decision I made (even though it’s making me question majoring in journalism and not English). I feel a kindred spirit with all of my classmates. I can’t say much about my literature course, although it’s going to require a lot out of me. I’m a little nervous about that class! And lastly, my capstone course is going to be pretty awesome since it’s all about what to do once we graduate, plus it’s filled with all the people I’ve been through the program with!
• I bought my first pair of eyeglasses this past week. I know, I know. I am well on my way to becoming a Grown-Up. Visionworks is having a half-off sale so I got a cute pair of frames, as well as lenses for just $129! I opted out of the no-glare because I’ve never had it on my glasses and haven’t really seen a problem.
• My mom came home to work on Monday night and said, “I think it’s time.” Time for what? TIME FOR HER TO QUIT HER SECOND JOB! I’m so stoked about this. She has worked there for 4 1/2 years, working 6-day work weeks and really having no days to herself. Mondays, she works from 8:30-5 at her job, then heads right over to her second job and works there from 5:30-8:30. Saturdays, she has to be at work at 7, and works anywhere from 3-5 with only a half-hour lunch break. The work isn’t bad, she just doesn’t like working that much and not having much in common with her coworkers. Before, we desperately needed that second income but we’re doing much better financially and I’m hoping to snag some type of job when I graduate to begin contributing to the bills. I’m just so thrilled for her, because she deserves to have a normal weekend!
• I’m only completing 2 out of my 5 goals currently. My water intake has been dreadful and while I made it last Saturday with no media, I always forget that I’m supposed to cut myself off from technology at 9pm! And let’s not even get started on my finances. But I still have 10 days left of January. I can still do this.
• The amount of homework I have waiting for me this weekend is a little terrifying. Poems to read, discussions to submit, a test to take, lectures to watch, a letter to write, an article to submit, and a resume to draft. Along with old-school I-feel-like-I’m-back-in-high-school homework from the textbook for Spanish. I just need to buckle down and get to it!

I hope everyone has a splendid weekend! What are your plans? Please, make me jealous with anything not involving homework! Don’t forget to enter my giveaway for a $55 gift certificate to CSN Stores. It ends Sunday at 7pm, the winner will be announced on Monday.

P.S. Go Steelers and Packers this weekend! Woop, woop!

2010: A Year in Review

If I take a look back at my resolutions for 2010, this year would be a waste. I attempted to achieve them, but didn’t even come close. Yet when I think of all I accomplished, whether I resolved to or not, I can’t help but think this was a pretty big year for me. It was a year fraught with sadness, challenges, excitement, and a lot of stepping out of my comfort zone.

In 2010, I…

• Created a stunning 18-page magazine. This was by far my biggest challenge of the first four months of the year. I spent hours upon hours trying to make this magazine the best possible. I took days off work and asked big things of some special friends. I began with 18 blank pages in Adobe In Design (a program I previously had never heard of until January) and created a magazine I am fiercely proud of.
• Watched my grandma conquer cancer for the second time. In January, my family was given heart-breaking news that my grandma’s colon cancer had returned. She battled another 12 rounds of chemotherapy and was declared cancer-free in October. Later, we found out that my grandma’s doctor thought this round of cancer would defeat her and also, that the type of cancer she got the second time around has a 2% survival rating. I would say God’s still in the miracle making business, wouldn’t you?
• Ended the relationship with my father. After close to 2 years of not speaking to each other, my father finally initiated contact via a Facebook message. I e-mailed him a letter, detailing all the ways he had hurt me in the past and how much I missed him and our relationship. His scathing reply back made me realize he was never going to change, he would never take responsibility for his actions, and it was time to end this volatile relationship. In June, I replied back with a much nastier e-mail. I had given myself 2 months to calm down from his reply but I had to make my feelings known, for probably the first time in my life. Losing a parent is heartbreaking, but losing a parent because they don’t want you in their life? I can’t even begin to explain the emotional toll it takes on a person. I’m still not even close to dealing with my feelings on this.
  
• Played caretaker to my mom after she was hit by a car. The scariest day of my life happened on August 13, 2010 when my mom arrived home a mere 20 minutes after leaving for a run with blood on her face and all over her clothes. We spent 5 hours in the ER that morning and she emerged with 18 stitches above her right eyebrow, a broken left elbow, a sprained right thumb, severe abrasions on her knees, elbows, and palms, as well as multiple bruises. It was a long healing process, including her using a sling for 8 weeks, unable to work her second job for 10 weeks, and having to take 8 weeks off running (which totally messed with her marathon training). She is now back to normal, but will always have pain in her elbow if she uses it too much.
• Had my first ER visit since I was eleven. August seemed to be the month of hospital visits for my family. While washing the dishes one afternoon, a glass broke and then sliced my thumb as I tried to throw it away. I spent about 2 hours in the ER getting x-rayed and then stitched up by the real Dr. McDreamy. (Seriously, I had some rather inappropriate dreams about him weeks after my visit.) But with that visit came a hefty $2,500 doctor bill.
• Visited Orlando twice. I only took two vacations this year and they were both to Orlando, which is about 90 minutes from me. They were fun getaways, even if I did deal with a sprained ankle during one trip. And, in November, I visited Disney World for the first time since I was a kid!

• Started running. I am still hesitant to call myself a runner, but I did take up this sport somewhat this year. Over the past few months, I’ve been running pretty consistently (2-3 times a week). It’s been a struggle most days but there’s no greater feeling of accomplishment than finishing a run or crossing a finish line.
• Became a blogger. This blog is my pride and joy. It’s been the one place I can be real and honest. It’s become my mode of therapy as I write down my thoughts for the masses. I went through a lot of blogger crisis as I try to figure out where I fit in this blogging culture, but I think personal blogging is where I belong. I don’t think I’ll ever give up on being completely honest and transparent about my feelings and I like that about me. It’s hard for me to be this honest in public, so these posts have been extremely cathartic for me. And the people I’ve met through blogging makes it all worth it. I have big plans to meet a bunch of you this year, some way or another.

2010 has been a big year for me, even if it hasn’t been the best year. I can’t wait to welcome in 2011 because it’s going to be an amazing, full year with my mom running her first marathon, graduating college, and dealing with my anxiety and thoughts and feelings through therapy. And I’m excited to bring you all along for the ride!

It's Been A While

I didn't mean for my break from blogging to last as long as it did, but I must say I'm glad to be back. I needed to get away from my blog and writing for a while, away from a rigid three-day-a-week or five-day-a-week schedule to figure out where I want my blog to go. I feel more secure now.

A lot has happened in the past three weeks.

• I ran my sixth 5K the Thursday before Halloween. Since I was only on Week 3 of Couch to 5K, I wasn't expecting a great PR. I just hoped to run and enjoy my time there. I did that. I didn't set a new personal record. In fact, my time was the exact same time as my previous personal record, which I got from my 5K in April. 44:54. How I managed that, I'll never know. But since it beats the time of my 5K in September, I'll take it! I'm signed up for a trail run on November 21st and ready to smash that 44:54.
  
  
• My blog has changed. I was growing sick of my current design and needed a change. I contacted Designer Blogs about one of their premades and it was installed within a week! Check them out if you want a design. They do custom orders! I added a little race section to my sidebar, which includes my PR's (which are not all that impressive, but they are mine), as well as my upcoming races.
  
  
• I received a lovely letter from a blog friend that uplifted my spirits and made me realize why I have a blog. She mentioned some key facts that have helped me to figure out where I want my blog to go. She said all the things I had been thinking in the back of my mind but was too afraid to voice.
  
  
• I registered for my last semester ever this past week. Well, as an undergrad, although I'm 80% sure I'm not going to attempt grad school. The semester should be an easy one, a fun one, with very little stress. I'm taking Spanish II and Senior Seminar, which are both required. I also signed up for Twentieth Century Literature for my exit course (another required course) and Form and Technique of Fiction, which was the filler course I needed to keep my scholarship. I'm super excited about those last two classes. I think they're going to be fun!
  
  
• I decided to quit my internship. There were a lot of factors leading to this decision but suffice it to say, I'm at peace with it and it was something I had to do. I've only been working there for 3 hours on Wednesdays. My last day there will be November 17 and it will definitely be a bittersweet day.
  
  
• I recently became a contributing writer for the website, Blissfully Domestic. It's a fun little writing gig and allows me to let some creative juices flow. It also gives me a place to have my name in print online, which is always a plus. Check out my first article here, where I talk about writing.
  
  
• I have discovered that it's OK to spend a day or two without checking my Google Reader. The world won't end and the bloggers won't hate me. Sometimes, sanity is more important than popularity. That being said, I love reading blogs and there is so much I derive from your stories, tips, and inspiring notes. And I am never fully away from the blog world. It has captured me.
  
  
• I have oodles and oodles of blog post ideas floating through my head. I can't wait to share my recent epiphanies, funny stories, and moments. The break was much needed, but I also realized my blog is also much needed.

The Night Before I Begin a New Semester

I'm writing this post as a stream of consciousness the night before I start Fall semester. I have so many emotions rolling around in my head that the only proper way to get them out is to just let them flow naturally, with no thought to grammar or focus.

I've been rotating between feelings of excitement and feelings of anxiousness about starting a new semester. Last semester took everything out of me and having a break for 4 months (aside from my 6-week class) has been amazing. It's been nice to work, then come home and either take a nap or just chill out around the house. No responsibilities, no pressing assignments. It was nice.

I don't even know how much I'll be blogging once school starts. Right now, I'm also doing all the housework and cleaning. Who knew such a small apartment could get so dirty so fast?! I have a few blog posts already written, but I know this semester is going to be pretty crazy. I don't think it'll be as crazy as last semester but I am taking two courses heavy on the writing, one course heavy on the studying, and another course heavy on the research.

I enter every semester with big plans to stretch myself, really research for good stories, and put all my effort into my classes. And within 3 weeks, I'm back to just doing enough to get by with an A or B, but not doing much to stretch myself as a writer. I have big plans this year. I'm taking some exciting classes, like Magazine Feature Writing and Social Media, that make me anxious to get started with this semester. I feel like I'm going to learn so much more about journalism and media, and also about myself through this semester.

I don't think I'm going to be as stressed as I was last semester. For one thing, I'll only be interning one day a week (still toying with Mondays or Wednesdays). For another, I have long breaks between my classes on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I won't be jumping from work mode to school mode to internship mode.

In other great news, my brother and I did our fantasy draft on Saturday. I managed to score Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, AND Drew Brees as my QB's. I also got Adrian Peterson, Larry Fitzgerald, and Randy Moss. My brother got some all-stars as well, so I think it's going to be an amazing season for us! I about killed him last season so I need some competition. Hehehe.

I feel so behind on blog stuff. Saturday night, I had to do the dreaded "Mark All As Read" in Google Reader because I had 162 unread blog posts to get to and knew I would never get to them by the time Monday rolled around. My "blogiversary" was yesterday and months ago, I had big plans on how I was going to celebrate - have my own domain, giveaways, etc. - but I did nothing. I just let it pass.

I have nothing else to say, other than I'm nervous about this semester. I'm nervous about how I'll do, how I'll handle the course load, and what kind of assignments will be thrown at me. I know I can handle it. I just have to prove it to myself again. Hopefully, I won't have too many whiny blog posts this time around.

May 2011

“Do you feel a lot of pressure on you to graduate in December?”

My mom posed this question to me over the weekend and it got me thinking. In a way, I do feel pressure but the pressure mainly stems from me. I want to be a college graduate in December. I want to stop living off my mom, get a full-time job and start acting more like an adult. Being a full-time college student and working part-time is no fun at all. I just want to be finished with this phase of my life and make 2011 the year I begin a new era of me.

But that’s not what’s going to happen. It all boils down to the same foreign language crap I’ve been dealing with since I changed my major. Basically, here’s the run-down:

• November 2008: I changed my major from education to journalism. This was also the month I learned that I would be attempting a Bachelor of Arts degree, not a Bachelor of Science which requires 10 hours of a foreign language. With the B.S., taking foreign language in high school would count. I also learned that my financial aid would probably be taken away since I had already attempted so many hours, and that there was an exemption test to exempt out of the language classes. At the time, the exemption test seemed like the best way to go.
• January 2009 – April 2010: I took my journalism classes, with the knowledge of those 10 hours looming in the back of my mind. Still, I did nothing about them and just pretended this pesky little requirement didn’t exist.
• April 2010: Signed up to take Spanish I in the Summer and Spanish II in the Fall, which would keep me at my December graduation date. I wasn’t happy about this decision, as it would lead to another hectic semester when I was hoping to have a little bit of a break.
• May 2010: Found out that I would have to pay $1,600 for my Summer classes, since my financial aid still hadn’t been reinstated, and my scholarship didn’t pay for Summer classes. Freaked out a bit, especially when I received word that I may be dropped from my classes if that money wasn’t paid by the end of the first week of classes. I ended up dropping my Spanish class, and resorting back to learning it myself. Very unhappy with this decision.
• July 24, 2010: Signed up to take Spanish I in the Fall, and Spanish II in the Spring, giving me a May 2011 graduation date.

 

Am I happy about this decision? Yes. Am I at peace? Yes. Am I a procrastinator extraordinaire? Yup.

But I am happy and at peace with this decision, because I think it’s the best one in the long run. I feel less pressure to get everything done in one semester and more relaxed about everything. For the upcoming Fall semester, I’ll have 14 credit hours and we’ll just have to see how it affects my running schedule. I’m keeping it the same for right now.

The good news is that I’ll only have 2 classes during my last semester: Senior Seminar (a class everyone takes during their last semester of college) and Spanish II. That semester will be my easiest yet!

Also, all the fun graduation stuff is gone by the time December rolls around. I’ll get fresh, new, exciting 2011 graduation stuff! At least there’s that.

Sometimes, I Like to Whine

I had a bit of a meltdown on Mother’s Day. And my mom, being the mom she is, took it all in stride. She talked me down from the cliff. On the day where I should have been honoring her, she showed me the utmost support and devotion. (Even as I threw out f-bombs, cried, and freaked out over little things.)

And then I signed up for two more classes.

Basically, my story is that I haven’t taken my language classes yet. When I was an education major, the three years I took Spanish in middle and high school counted as a language credit. But with journalism, and now that I’m going for my B.A. degree (instead of the B.S., as education is), I need to take two college-level language classes. The only way to get out of them is to take an exemption test.

When I signed up for classes in March, I signed up for Spanish I in summer and Spanish II in fall. After seeing what my tuition would cost me for summer, I knew I couldn’t handle paying over $2,000. So I dropped the language class and told myself I would have to teach myself Spanish this summer.

But I freaked out on Sunday. I honestly don’t think it’s possible for me to be fluent in Spanish within a few months where I could pass an exemption test. I don’t even think I was fluent after taking three years of it!

So I signed back up for Spanish for summer. The good news and bad news is that it’s online. Good news because I think it’ll be easier online and bad news because online classes cost about $100 more in tuition. (The in-class version didn’t fit with my schedule.) But I feel so much better that I’m taking it. Yes, it means there will most likely be no awesome vacation for my mom and me this summer. It means my crazy hair change is going to have to wait until late July or August. (And by then, my hair will probably be at my waist. Eek!) But it also means less stress and less worry. I’ve had this weight upon my shoulders about whether or not I’ll be able to graduate in December. And now it’s gone.

In addition, I have to take one exit course. I tried to sign up for an online one in the fall, but it would put me at 19 credit hours which isn’t allowed. So I had to sign up for one in the summer. And I’m not happy about it because it’s a 10-week course. And it’s a night class. And it’s two days a week. Sure, there are worse things in the world. Like job loss. And hunger. And bad haircuts.

I was looking forward to an easy summer. I was looking forward to putting a lot of money towards my credit cards and maybe taking a nice vacation. I was looking forward to sleeping in on Saturdays and spending my weekends doing “me” things. And now my summer will be consumed by school.

I’m holding tight to my December 11th graduation date. I’m going to make it to that date. It’s going to be a struggle. I’m going to fight it. And I might even whine more, just as I did in this post. Just stick with me.

Successes & Failures

This semester was not easy. Many times, it was not fun. I cried over school more now than I ever had before, excluding my awful final internship. I’ve never been so stressed out in my life. I was stretched beyond belief. I had to step outside my comfort zone more times than ever. I dealt with exhaustion. I began this semester with stars in my eyes. And I ended this semester with stars in my eyes.

I succeeded in ways I never imagined. I did things I never thought I could do. I stepped out of my comfort zone and found a new Stephany. One who is confident in her abilities. One who is creative. One who has a critical eye to design and editing. One who can take a blank page and make it into a piece of art. One who is perky and bright. One who takes on unfamiliar projects and succeeds. One who forgets all the limits she has placed on herself. One who is proud of herself and isn’t afraid to say so.

I put more hours this semester into homework and studying for tests than I ever have before. I spent entire weekends, working on assignment after assignment. In past semesters, I could put in a few hours on Saturday and be good for the week. I have never worked so hard in my life.

I had meltdowns over this semester. I wondered how I was going to manage to do it all. I knew I was stretching myself thin, between working 25 hours at my job, 10 hours at my internship, and my 3 classes. These classes involved more work and more dedication than I have ever taken. By the end of January, I began to hate my life and question whether I could do this.

But I did it. I succeeded. I put my heart and soul into my magazine project. I studied my brains out for my law exams. And I learned more about the editing process that just made me love writing all the more.

With those successes, come failures. I found myself confused more often than not. I wrote some very crappy stories that I’m a little embarrassed to tie my name to. I wrote a term report on a subject I knew nothing about, yet did nothing to familiarize myself with the topic. I rushed through some assignments. I didn’t do my best work. I didn’t try hard enough. This will be my worst semester since I started in the journalism program, grades-wise.

Still, I can’t be upset with myself. Even if this won’t be a straight-A semester like I’ve had previously in the journalism program, it will be a semester where I worked my hardest. And if I make a B in a class where I did my very best work? A B in a class I thought I would fail? I’m fine with that. After all, a B is nothing to be ashamed of.

Priorities

I knew this semester was going to be jam-packed, busy, and test every level of strength I possessed. What I didn't know was how much it would try to break me.

I'm not good at managing my time. This is not a new fact for me. The truth is, I'd much rather spend my time blogging, catching up my DVR-ed shows, and sleeping than doing actual work. It's the lazy American in me, you could say.

I managed fairly well, working a part-time job and going to school full-time, last semester. I managed to scrape by with A's and an almost-A and didn't feel as if my entire world was caving in at all. The last few weeks were intense but I managed.

I still have another two months to go and I've already had my fair share of cry-my-eyes-out meltdowns. My mom has witnessed way too many of these and I'm not a very nice person when these occur. I throw out F-bombs, snap at her for no reason, and just get ugly. It's not pretty.

But I'm going to make it through this semester. I'm going to succeed, even if success comes in the form of a barely-passable C-.

In order to succeed, I need to put my priorities together. The only way I am going to make it through this semester without going crazy is by figuring out the placement of everything in my life.

Obviously, school must come first. I'm in the process of figuring out what I have due for the rest of the semester in all my classes and making sure I have a timeline to complete it all. The biggest thing weighing on my mind is a 16-page magazine I have to create from scratch. Original images, original designs, and original stories. I've come to realize design is not my forte and I know this magazine won't be the best in the class. But I just want to create it for me and to be happy with my work - even if my professor isn't.

Second on the list is my health. I'm on the Weight Watchers program and lost three pounds my first week. I want to keep my health in check and know this is the one thing in my life that I can control, even if everything else in my life is going to the crapper. And I know by eating healthy, drinking water, and exercising, I will keep my body happy. And a happy body means a happy mind, right?

Third on the list is my relationship with God. I need to fall back in love with Jesus and I need Him to help me make it through these days. I know I'm just going to falter if I try to do this on my own. And I need His help with the magazine I'm going to produce. I'm trying out a new small group on Sunday and I'm hoping this one works for me. I really have tried so many small groups that I just don't enjoy, people-wise. I want to feel comfortable and I want my relationship with God to deepen through it.

Sitting lower on my list of priorities are my social life, blogging life, and job. My job isn't something I'm willing to give up. After this semester, it should be smooth sailing for my last two semesters of college. And I want to keep my job throughout it. I love where I work and even if the pay is crappy, it's better than no job. My social life is laughable so let's not even talk about it. Suffice it to say, I know I need down time but those times will be few and far between for the next two months.

But blogging. I love blogging. I love writing blogs and reading posts. I love commenting and finding out I have new people reading my blog. And it hurts to know it's going to have to go on the back burner for the next few months. My goal is to aim for 1-2 blog posts a week and keep up with my Google Reader as much as possible. But I do need to step away from the obsession I have over blogging until school has calmed down. Am I happy about it? No. But it's necessary.

I'm already counting down the days until May. It's going to be a rough, crazy, stressful two months but I will make it through. And I will succeed. Anyway, thanks for listening.

What a Week!

Last week was crazy. CRAZY! I really don't want to have to live through another week like that ever again. It was jus too insane.

Anyway, here's some of the "fun" that happened this week.

I missed you guys!
Taking a break from blogging was exactly what I needed for this week but I missed it more than I thought I would. I missed writing my blog posts, publishing them, and checking my phone a million times a day to see if anyone had commented. I missed reading blogs and commenting. So I'm super stoked to be back and hopefully, I won't have another week as crazy as this one was.

Also, I changed my layout this weekend and for some reason, Disqus has not been working for me. I cannot get any comments to show up. I've probably run through their installation system 10 times to get comments to show up to no avail. I sent a service request so we'll see what happens. Right now, I'm back to the old Blogger commenting system. (But no word verification! See? I'm nice!) I'm just really confused and annoyed by all of this.

My "dad" wrote back.
I got a message on my phone on Friday, while I was over at my brother's. The good thing is, I read the e-mail out loud while my brother and my mom listened. So I'm really glad I didn't have to read that e-mail alone. Because it was an awful e-mail. Once again, he took no responsibility and laid it all back on my shoulders. He told me to stop using him as a "crutch" for why I cannot have a good relationship with a guy, tried to take credit for raising me (the way my brother and I turned out had to do 75% of US and 25% of my mom. 0% of him. We turned out the way we are IN SPITE of him), and didn't once say "I love you" or "I'm sorry." Oh, and he also talked about the great relationship he had with my mom. (Go ahead, laugh. I did!)

I have plans to write him back and the e-mail I write back to him will not be anywhere near as nice. I tried to leave the door open for him to have a relationship with me and he firmly shut the door in my face. I'm giddy with excitement of everything I'm going to write to him. No sugarcoating and no sweetness is going into this letter. It's going to be blunt, mean, and scathing. I just want to give myself a few days to calm down from the e-mail so I know exactly what I want to say.

And after that e-mail, it will be over. I'm done. I'm fed up with him and his lack of responsibility. And I'm just tired of it all.

A project, a paper, and a monster test.
This week was, by far, one of the busiest I've ever experienced. And I know it doesn't seem like a lot. I know I've had more due in one week but none of this caliber. The project took hours to complete, using InDesign, a program I've never had any experience with until a few weeks ago. So my designs feel like kindergarten scribble compared to some of my other classmates. And I got the extreme pleasure of having my newspaper frontpage critiqued by my professor and classmates. Luckily, the critique wasn't as bad as I expected and I do get to fix my mistakes and resubmit the project.

The paper, with which I did 4 live interviews and 2 e-mail interviews for, was probably one of the worst I've written. I wrote it in under an hour and was just trying to get it done, somewhat edited, and sent by Tuesday night. It was for my News Editing class and the head of the journalism department is my professor. Needless to say, I'm pretty certain he wasn't all too impressed with it.

The monster test took up most of my week. I spent the weekend looking through the study guide and finding the answers and then Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday night studying my notes. And I'm a terrible studier. I just can't sit there and study for hours and hours. So I headed into Thursday (test day) very uncertain of my study materials. I ended up taking Thursday morning off work and met with a friend from class before the test where we studied together for 2 hours. And it was SO helpful! I realized I knew a lot more than I previously thought and ended up going into the test feeling very positive. And I think I did better than expected on the exam.

Exhaustion and sickness.
I ended up catching some kind of bug starting on Sunday. It started with a scratchy throat which morphed into an annoying sore throat. Then I got the snifflies and a cough. The sickness was bad enough. But let's add in exhaustion. Extreme exhaustion. Exhaustion where I'm a little frightened to drive because I don't know if I can keep my eyes open. I think my tiredness had to do with the 4-5 hours of sleep I was getting a night, the bug, and just feeling completely worn out and run down.

There were so many days I just wanted to come home and sleep for hours. But I couldn't and drank way too much Coke to try to keep me awake. (I'm more of a Coke girl than a coffee girl when it comes to caffeine.)

Joining the Bandwagon

Next week is going to be crazy. I'll spend most of my week doing these four things:

























It's going to be crazy, busy, stressful, and a whirlwind. I have so much to do, including:

• Designing a newspaper front that has to be spectacular, since my other projects have fizzled badly.
• A big, monster law exam on Thursday for which I've never even opened the book for. (Oops?)
• A news-worthy story to write. I need to do loads of interviews for this and just figured out my topic yesterday. (By the way, have you or someone you know ever found out they had breast cancer due to a self-exam or mammogram, done before the age of 50? It would be SUCH a help if you could help me with this.)
• Finally open my textbooks and do my assigned readings. (Yes, I know. I'm a slacker.)
• Prepare for my graded in-class editing assignment and quiz on Wednesday.

So, I'll be away from blogging for a while. I'm hoping to be back by next Monday and I'm going to try to keep up with reading blogs, but I can't promise anything.

Anyway, I'm coming up on my 100th post. (Crazy!) And I know I should do something big and major for it. Since I'm a poor, college student barely making enough to afford a Target shopping trip every other week, a giveaway is not in the budget. (Sorry, I suck. I know.)

Instead, I'll be joining the Q&A bandwagon. Ask me anything you want in the comments and I'll answer them in my 100th post. This post is going to be up for a while so come back and ask me more questions if you want! (I've always worried that I would get, like, 3 questions if I ever made one of these posts. So please ask me questions and ease my worries!)

Ask, ask, ask!

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School, Schmool

I start another semester of school on Monday. Unlike last semester, I'm not very excited about this. Well, I'm a tad bit more excited than I was a few weeks ago. I think I've forgotten a little how hectic and crazy and stressed a semester is.

Last semester was my first time working 30+ hours while attending a full load of courses. And I'm not going to lie, it was intense. I don't think I've ever felt so stressed out and tired as I did last semester, especially with a crazy move in the midst of it. But I managed through it and ended up with 3 A's and an Almost A (it was an 89.96% and my professor didn't bump it up to an A. He gave me a B+. But I'm calling it an Almost A because I was so close.)

I don't feel settled about this semester yet. There's one class I'm trying to get into and I'm on 3 separate waiting lists for the sections that are offered. On Tuesday, I received an e-mail saying they had opened up another class. (FINALLY!) So I shot off an e-mail to get the permit to take the class and I'm still waiting to hear back. If I can get into this class, which is on Monday nights, it would work perfectly with my schedule and I wouldn't have to quit my job!

My other classes are set. (Although, if I do get into the above-mentioned class, I would drop one of my classes, to keep me at 12 credit hours.) I'm taking an internship, which will be my fourth one I've taken but seeing as my other three internships were in an elementary school setting, it will be much, much different. Two of the classes I'm taking are extremely close to my heart so I'm very excited about them. I think I'll really get a feel for what I think I want to do when I graduate, so I can discover if it's something I'm truly passionate about.

I'm having some major internship anxiety right now, something I'm going to talk more about tomorrow. I have a lot of baggage when it comes to internship, based on my past experiences.

So while the level of excitement isn't the same as it was last semester, I'm still very excited about the possibilities and experiences that await me as I begin my third semester as a journalism student. And once I finish this one, I only have two semesters (and 5 classes!) until I graduate!